I am so depressed, I don't see any point in this life (existence).

It's all pain and suffering, and then you die anyway! What's the point? I've had problems since I can remember, I'm 51 years of age this year and am stuck indoors all bar about 1-2 hours per week. I live alone, my family don't care, all my so called friends have disappeared, no one ever phones me or comes around to see me (I could be dead and no one would know). I also have emphysema, CFS and back problems. My flat is dirty cause I ain't got the strength to do any housework, can't afford a cleaner cause only on incap benefit (was turned down for disability). Can't turn to my mum, she passed away August 2005. I had a car that I could try & go out in cause I feel safe if I'm driving, but had to let that go as I couldn't pay for insurance, mot and tax.

I am just drifting aimlessly through life with no hope of getting better from the physcial or nervous illnesses, and totally on my own. I cannot begin to tell you how devasted at life I am, how everyday I wish I hadn't been born then I wouldnt know about this suffering.

I haven't been to the drs for nearly 2 years, as all they want to do is give me anti-depressants, i say to them "would you not be depressed if you had my existence?" Maybe they'd think 'All is well in the world' and walk around with a smile on their faces all day, too funny. Anti-depressants wont stop me being anxious of panicky, won't get rid of the emphysema, back probs or CFS!

Haven't been able to go to the dentist for many years, so my teeth are broken, chipped and bad, and I have an abcess whcih I've had for 2 years. Makes me gag sometimes when it gets larger.

All in all I have nothing and no one to be here for. I can't help anyone else or do anything for anyone. I'm hopeless, worthless and should never have been born or been drowned at birth.

Elspeth