Does anybody else struggle with relationships?

I am starting to feel so much better, and much more positive about myself. My life is finally something that I can live again.

So why do I struggle so much with relationships?

I have many, many close friends, and don't have a problem with platonic friendships, just issues with boyfriends.

To be fair, some of this may come from my past relationship history - you can laugh, I do now, it's the only way I can keep going onwards.

The first bloke I really wanted to settle down with decided after two years he missed his ex and dumped me on Xmas Eve. To add insult to injury, she was American and shared a name commonly given to labradors.:(

The second bloke I really liked, asked after a year if he could go on holiday with the lads. Being a great believer in trust, I said yes. He returned after a week, and we continued as before, although I noticed him acting a little strange. After a month I discovered why - he'd got married on holiday! And not bothered to tell me! I had the last laugh though - he then discovered that his new blushing bride actually had two children, she now lives with him in the UK, and even funnier, has bisexual tendancies. She was banned from their local recently for molesting the landlords mother in the toilets![:0]

The third bloke was an alcoholic control freak, but I didn't realise that until we had been living together for six months and he had changed me completely. I was too scared to leave, and eventually he threw me out. I would come home from work and the sofa would be through the front window, which he claimed happened after it slipped when he was hoovering! The biggest laugh was he didn't even know what a hoover was! The next girl he started seeing tried to finish with him and he bit her cheek off. She has had to undergo plastic surgery to repair the damage. Shortly after this he was sectioned.

Since then I haven't really been involved with anybody, spending all my free time with my friends and enjoying their company (males as well as females, so I get lots of cuddles, hugs and compliments).
I am really starting to like the person I am now.

During November, I started seeing a friend on a more "personal" level. We get on really well, and he does daft things which make me laugh. The other night we had gone out separately, and he called me early in the morning and asked me to go round, because he had missed me and wanted to treat me breakfast in bed, because nobody every does anything for me!

We spend quite a lot of time together, just chilling and watching films which is nice, and we still have plenty of time to do our own thing too!

The problem that I have is that I analyse things and then start to get anxious. If I visit one night, and he is not in a particularly cuddly mood, I get a bit panicky and think he doesn't like me, when the reason is that he is just tired, and busy at work. I daren't ask if everything is ok, because I'm too scared of rejection, and I find if hard to show affection for the same reason!

Does anybody else find that their anxious traits prevent them from being rational in the emotions department?

It's wierd, half my life is lived by the new getting confident me, and the other side still can't cope! [V]





Charlie