Im finding it really hard to cope with night times for the last couple of weeks.
When im starting to feel tired i can be just sitting up in bed using my lap top then all of a sudden i get like a jolt feeling...like im dropping off to sleep but im not, and i feel like ive stopped breathing..its just for a split second and its really spooking me...no terrifying me. So now im starting to dread bed times because its stressing me out so much worrying in case it might happen again ..and then im feeling guilty in case im keeping my husband awake as he has to get up early for work and i cant relax in case me moving in the bed will wake him as hes such a light sleeper. I do have the tv on without the sound..its just for the light really and the comfort as i dont like the room in darkness....Omg arent i a big baby!!...
Its pointless going to the doctors (ive spent more time there than the mice in the last few months) as he never has any anwers for me!! so i end up leaving the surgery feeling like ive wasted my breath...my time...and his time.
He did prescribe me citalopram about 6 weeks ago as im in peri-menopause and ive got an ongoing 'bullying/harassment' grievance complaint against a woman at work hanging over me until its sorted out...but im still wary of taking them because of the side affects ive read about..and i dont want to feel any worse than i am right now. I came off nardil at the beginning of the year and i wish i hadnt (i was sick of being nagged by hubby for being on them) but the doctor said they dont prescribe them much these days so they wont give me them back.
Im trying so hard to get through this without meds because at the end of the day i am going to have to come off them at some point and i couldnt bear to think i might have to go through all this again a few yrs down the line. Im living from day to day with the hope and memory that i have gotten through this before and recovered and 'i can do it again'.
I thank god this site is here because i dont know how id cope to he honest without it for some support...