I've not been on the forum for quite a long time - over a year I think - but decided today to find it again and see if anyone can help me.

I've been agoraphobic for nearly 3 years, but until 3 months ago I'd been able to go out with my partner for short walks / cycles / visits to friends etc etc and do a little bit on my own too. Anx/panic always there, but I did my best to keep going out.

Today I realised that it's been over a month since I last left the house. For about 4 months the anxiety has been getting worse and worse, and going outside has become harder and harder. I had a bad panic attack 3 months ago while out walking with my partner (first really big panic attack I've ever had while with him - he's my safe person ... or was), and after that each trip outside got harder and harder with the result that I gradually gave up trying.

So, now I am for the first time in 3 years completely housebound - can't even go into the garden without panicking - and isolated. On the couple of occasions friends/family have visited I've been incredibly anxious and desperate for them to leave, and I even feel more anxious when my partner is home from work than when he's not here. If the phone rings i'm scared to answer it.

Probable causal factor? We moved house in September into a new area, and the stress of moving with agoraphobia precipitated a bit of a breakdown. Plus, the realities of my new situation (as opposed to naive hopes that it would all be better somehow in a new environment) has led to depression and overwhelming sense of 'it'll never be better / i'll never get better'. I've done enough cbt to understand my own negative thought patterns, but evidently not enough to be able to address them or overcome them.

I no longer have any hope at all that I can beat my anxiety/agoraphobia. I've been feeling more and more depressed and anxious and plagued by unrelenting thoughts that suicide is the only way out of this mess.

Sorry for moaning like this - I don't know what advice anyone can give me really, but i wanted to at least try and connect with others who might understand. I feel so very lonely and lost at the moment and nothing seems to offer any hope or consolation.

Don't know what to do anymore - I feel like I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again.