I feel sort of pathetic posting a thread here because my reason for feeling low isn't really that major, I just feel like I have no one to talk to at the moment really

I'm trying my best at making new friends, but I'm so paranoid and anxious of being unworthy, of just not being good enough that I'm finding it really hard to keep upbeat with them and just laugh, and because of that I go all stiff and weird on them and push them further away which just makes it even worse.
I can't tell them about my anxieties to them because I'm scared I'll just be considered pathetic and get outcasted by them. It's not like they're bad people, they're really nice, but I haven't known them long enough for them to accept all aspects of me. They already find it weird that I sigh constantly and that when we go out I have at times to sit alone for a while because my heart is making a bid for freedom through my ribs. It woudn't really come across well if i told them that the reason is because I'm terified of not fitting in and simply of just trying to be happy around them >_<

I want to be a happier person. I want to be considered fun to be with and I've tried so hard over the years but I can't stop being so anxious all the time. I've tired Propranolol and Diazepam but they don't really stop me from feeling anxious just how my body reacts to it.


I'm sorry if that came across as terribly whiny, which it probably does
just wanted to rant a little