*Sigh*

I now remember exactly how my HA started...

A few month's ago I noticed this pea-sized hard lump in my Ballsack, Not on the testicle, but it seemed to be connected to the "Shaft" with a small thin wire. I can just move it around a bit, but its a hard lump...

I was terrified, I googled for hours at the time, somestimes all night long, Felt the small, rubbery lymph nodes in my groin, got even more terrified! I cried alot, could barely sleep, thought I wasgoing to do. Called the Emergency line at night several times, but they kept saying that I should just last through the weekend and just talk to my doctor, I couldn't handle it and went there to see if they could do anything, but got sent home empty handed...

After a very long and harsh weekend I managed to get a doctors appointment, doctor felt the lump and said I should not worry, I was not relieved...I got a second opinion, same thing, third opinion, Same thing and I finally managed to calm down...

At that point my Health Anxiety started, And I started getting sickness after sickness, this was about 1-1.5 month's before I found this site...

The following weeks were the hardest in my life, I visited the doctor so often...Several times a week...

I found a dutch forum about cancer, I started asking questions, the main moderator there helped me out so much...I kept asking questions as I did here, and she answered them. she was one of the first to say I had Health Anxiety, after the doctor.

Anyways, In time I found this awesome website, which has helped me alot since, But now its asif its starting all over again from the start...

Dont ask me why, but I was "inspecting" the nether region...and found a tiny, Rice sized lump, inside the soft are attached to the Testicle. (I forgot the name, but every man has the soft area) And im afraid that the hard lump I felt all those month's ago is actually a tumor, and that its started spreading out to the rest...

Heck, even while typing here I had another look, and I noticed some thick red bump on the skin of my Ding Dong...When I squeeze it a bit it turns white, and looks asif its a bit of a sack in the skin filled with puss..

I've also been having pain in my lower back for the past days....although I was actually not extremely worried about it untill now...

...These fears are realling driving me crazy..I wish I could stop, but everytime I feel something it all starts off from the beginning, and the Viscious Cycle begins a new...

Therapy is really not an option, since I cannot afford 115 euro's an appointment, since im still in College & only got a minimum wage part-time (11 hours a week) job...And my parents get angry at me for "Wasting Money"...

I just dont know what to do anymore