Hello,

I wanted to post a new thread as am haveing a bad couple of days!, had some blood tests done last week and results came back normal which is good, but cant help feeling the results are wrong!! dont know how much reassurance i need to convince myself that im just suffering from panic attacks, doc did tell me it was hyperventilation syndrome, but im not sure what the difference is if there is any difference!, i have been having not pains as such more tightness in my chest for 2 days, which is scaring me, doc has said this is just anxiety, but im scared its not! i spoke to my partner last night about my fears etc, he was no support at all!, he made out i wanted to die, and was bringing all these attacks on myself thinking about it all the time!, i cant help all the thoughts that come into my head at the moment, everyday im convinced its my last, i hate thinking like that i just cant control my thoughts, every little pain i have i think oh s**t this is it!, i just want to be normal me again, im due back at work tomorrow after 2 weeks off and im so scared about going back, thats where my first attack was, and i dont feel my boss has been terribly supportive so i know im anxcious about that! i want to get normal again, just dont know how to get all my stupid, obsessive thoughts into perspective.
Feel so down and cant stop crying!, dont wanna go mad!
can anyone give me reassurance that im not alone in thinking all these irrational thoughts!

PS, i think my obsessive thouughts about dying come from the fact that my partner died 7 yrs ago from cardiomyothapy (a heart defect) he died very suddenly, i was pregnant at the time with my son, i thought i was fine about it all, and had come to terms with it etc, but it seems to have come back to haunt me, also my best friend committed suicide last yr, i found her, cut her down and tried to resussitate her but it was too late, thought i was coping well with that too, do you think councelling would help? my doc has given me some numbers to call for councelling but i cant afford it, how do i get free therapy through the doctor?

Im so sorry for rambiling and you will probably all get bored reading it just had to get my thoughts down!!

Khirstie xx
Khirstie xx


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