hello loli your work is fantastic in response to your first question you have used art as your form of distraction and you have kept yourself busy.But problems and grief always find there way to the surface,and you are no longer able to just push these thoughts to the back of your head.So you now associate your art as being unable to cope. It will pass loli just give it time,and grieve for your grandparents,take the offer of therapy from your gp and remember panic attacks and anxiety cannot kill you xxxxxx