i think my first proper panic attack was when i was in amsterdam in february, had a pure joint in the coffee shop (no idea why seeing as i don't even like weed... i make stupid decisions) and when i started to get high i totally FREAKED out ran upstairs, outside onto the pavement, i was absolutely boiling so i pretty much took off my top (and i'm a girl... that's not really acceptable in public) and was lying down on the street hugging the pavement. my heart was beating so so fast and i thought i was having a heart attack and dying. it was horrible.

At the time i had no idea it was a panic attack and only found out yesterday after being diagnosed by the psychiatrist. for 8 weeks, since mothers day, i have been feeling so spaced out and exhausted and ill in a lot of ways... worse headaches i've ever had, not being able to concentrate at all, not being able to fall asleep for ages (4 or 5am) and then having really disturbed sleep- waking up 6-8 times each night- and having the most horrible dreams when i don't normally have any dreams. i have seen loads of doctors and had an MRI scan, 2 EEG's, 2 chest xrays, abdominal ultrasound and blood tests. eventually the tests showed no abnormalities, and when i saw the psychiatrist yesterday he diagnosed me with panic disorder.
i took my first pill of citalopram yesterday, 10mg, i took it in the morning and felt soooooooo tired all day, and bear in mind i had been feeling exhausted for 8 weeks prior to now, so i mean properly tired. so today i'm going to take it just before i go to bed... anyone know if that's ok or does it affect the side effects?
for 1 week i'm on 10mg and then increasing to 20mg... has anyone else done that and if so can you notice the increased dose? because i feel bloody awful on 10mg. and although i felt pretty vile beforehand i definitely feel different now, i feel constantly drowsy and sick and am very aware of the fact i am on medication! but on the bright side i'm hoping because they make me tired they'll help me fall asleep faster and get more sleep.

anyway..... how old is everyone? because i'm only 19 (20 in august) and i'm worried because i didn't think i would be on anti-depressants at this young age- and i know that i'm not necessarily taking them to treat depression but still it's a pretty scary thought.

Also, does anyone know what's potential causes of panic attacks? because my grandma who i was really close to, and my aunt died late December 2009. and now we are having to sell a house which i went to every weekend for many years of my life an spent many christmases at and have so many memories from. and my boyfriend dumped me in january (but was only with him for a couple of months so wasn't that bothered). so maybe those things contribute to it?

i really don't understand all this. and i hate that one day i can change so very much, when i am usually such a confident outgoing person and now i just feel scared and alone because of not understanding why i am ill, how long i'm going to be ill and worrying about falling behind at university and losing friends because i'm not there with them, i'm at home still bloody unwell.