My 'Taking The Meds' Diary
(Before) Day One
OK, I am going to start a diary to explain my experiences going on to Cipralex /Lexapro in the hope it may help other people who are facing a similar journey on this - or other tablets. I have done this before as I will explain and I know putting it in writing helped me and one or two others so here goes…

Brief background: I am a man in my mid-40s who has suffered from a mixture of anxiety/depression and public speaking panic attacks on and off for a number of years despite holding down a pretty high-profile job that makes me have to be ‘up’ and ‘smiling’ most of the time (not easy). I resisted taking meds for a long time (a bloke thing I think) but when I did accept the inevitable I started taking Cipralex and they really, really helped. They helped so much in fact that I am afraid I came off them too quickly a couple of times. The last time I needed them I stayed with them for over a year and came off them again when feeling a lot better. That was some 12 months ago but in recent weeks I have felt many of the symptoms coming back so today I went to the doctor and said ‘I give up, I need to go back on the tablets’. And that’s where the story begins…

Pre-first tablet. Well, here we go again. 12 months after I thought I may have passed through the anxiety door (for good?) I was back at the doctor’s this morning saying I had been feeling those familiar feelings again and I needed the extra support that comes from the meds. I actually apologised I think (although we have nothing to apologise for of course) as you do feel a bit of a failure that you can’t beat this thing on your own. But that is the wrong way to look at it. Anxiety is an enemy that chooses its own time to attack – it is out of our hands. All we can do is try and attack back when this anxiety strikes – and those little white tablets are the best weapons I know. I simply have to face this battle again because I cannot and will not be beaten by anxiety and its evil offspring depression and panic.

So, folks, I will be talking my first tablet again tonight.

I have been give packs of 5mgs to start for the first week but the doc said I could go straight to 10mg (the usual dose) if I needed to. All I am trying to do now is remember the side effects of old. I recall the night-time sweats (lovely), the curious case of yawning a lot (an odd feeling) and the rather depressing thought that you do tend to feel somewhat worse before feeling better (yippee!). There is also the ‘male problem’ which I am too embarrassed to talk about here but which is a bit of a drag to be honest.

Beyond that I can’t remember much (which is probably a good thing) but what I do remember and what I WILL remember is that the side effects prove something is happening to our bodies/mind – and if we want the meds to work we have to accept that they have their own path to follow.

So this is the last time I will be writing when I am not on the meds. I am feeling OK and I am feeling positive about the whole process and I feel sure this will be a change for the good.

Let the battle commence.