Not sure this is the right place for this but maybe people can point me elsewhere.

As the title says, I just feel sort of alone in life. It's not that I don't have people that care about me who I can talk to. But it's like there's just this distance between all of us.

I feel like I want to talk to someone who understands, but I can't even get my feelings clear in my own mind, let alone communicate them effectively.

I guess I just don't feel like anyone's on my wavelength, if that makes sense. I've never met anyone who I felt I could be totally myself with, who understood why I really do things. Maybe everybody feels like that, I don't know? It's like there's just this essential part of me that doesn't translate into conversation with other people.

A lot of the time I feel empty. I don't know what I want from life. I have passing desires and interests, but when I think about them seriously they just tend to dissolve. I often feel guilty about this so I try and force myself to make goals and follow through. But really I'm just going through the motions, without the emotional conviction behind it all.
Someone trying to help me asked me recently what I would do if I had a magic wand and could make anything happen. But none of the things that I could imagine seemed like they would really make me happy. Everything just seems kind of hollow. Sure, I could solve world poverty, but then what? I know it sounds awful, but there it is. I think I'm generally quite empathetic towards the suffering of others, but trying to help people just leave me feeling empty.

This is scary. It's like I'm ungrounded, just floating randomly through life. I'm scared of getting old, death, disease etc. But not because I want to live or be young forever. I'm scared of never finding something to really fully live for. Of dying without finding anything that feels important. But how do you go about looking for that without anything to go on?