after near just a week in this forum I am beginning to understand something very fundamental - what I have always suffered from has been derealisation with underlying background anxiety which when faced with a stressor increases the anxiety which is like a hot flush rising right thru my body which finally after yrs 4 yrs ago led to full blown panic attacks my reaction to a stress always has me reaching for something to take away the derealisation awayso I could cope with the stressor and find a solution to the derealisation and thereby deal with the stressor - and that something was always a stimulant eg a cigarette a coffee or better still a beer to relax me - then and only then could I face the drealisation and anaylise the drealisation - this then I deduced would allow me a clear mind to face analyise and solve the stressor.

And I have learnt that derealisation is but a symptom of anxiety so what I was doing in fact was increasing my derealisation by using stimulants and by analyising my derealisation I was actually worrying about a ghost that I cannot solve and by not solving my problem in that moment I was worrying about the problem and increasing my anxiety and so on and so forth until I ended up in a nicotine/caffeine/alcohol soaked state.