Hello everyone,

I live with my boyfriend who has (quite recently) started having panic attacks and experiencing anxiety. I love him very mush, but I do get very frustrated at times. I know he can't help getting himself in a state sometimes, but I am starting to feel like its controlling me.

The problem is that he has no motivation to do anything whatsoever. He wants to sit at home and do nothing. But at the moment he is this close to getting kicked out of University and he won't listen to me when I tell him he needs to do something about it. He had a meeting today with some guy from "Learning Support" and was really close to not going. I had to practically frogmarch him there. He just keeps saying he doesn't care if he gets thrown out, so why go? I get so frustrated because I KNOW it matters to him, but he won't lift a finger to help himself.

He keeps getting really upset and nothing I say can calm him down. I tell him its all going to be ok and get shouted at. I try and hug him or rub his shoulders and he brushes me away, yet he won't let me leave him alone.

He always thinks I'm on his back, just when I'm trying to help him. In the car today I was trying to convince him to go to his meeting and he was saying he ddn't care when I said "Well I care and it matters to me". Then he started saying everything was all about me and all his life had to be centered sround me. I know he doesn't mean it, he knows I am only trying to help him, but he constantly makes me feel unwanted as if I'm getting in the way all the time.

He said the other day that it was my fault he was ill, which hurt a lot. He apologised a lot afterwards, but I can't forget it. I am even blaming myself for him getting kicked out of Uni, which isn't fair because it is not and has never been my fault.

Wow. Breathe. Look at that huge essay I just wrote! Sorry for subjecting you guys to such a long post. Made me feel a little better to get it off my chest though!

Laura