Hi Poet

I can relate to a lot of things in your post.

I am an absolute nightmare when it comes to multitasking too much. I too fail to do what's best for me and refuse to listen to my body when it is telling me to slow down. Before my major crash in January, I was on the go all the time - working, looking after the house, gigging (I'm a musician) and also trying to write a book. I now realise I can't do everything at once so I am going to cut my work hours when I return, postpone gigging for a while and just try to settle myself into taking one thing at a time instead of always rushing and exhausting myself.

I also get what you are saying about things in your life causing you both pleasure and pain. I love my family too, but they can so easily cause my stress levels to rocket. My mum also has anxiety and although I appreciate her support, sometimes she can be the worst person for me to be around. I feel stuck a lot of the time between wanting to see her and knowing she isn't good for me. Also, visiting my parents house creates a lot of anxiety related memories for me as it all started there.

The thing I struggle with the most is my love of music. On the one hand, it is a huge part of me and an incredible gift, but on the other, it's a curse. I love it so much, but at the same time, it can tip me over and cause me so much anxiety. I have really low confidence and still I manage to get on stage because I feel like I am wasting my talents if I don't. I wish it wasn't such a difficult thing for me as I just can't give it up.

Anyway, I hope this post helps.

Take care

Laura x