i have yet another gp's appointment for tomorrow and i am feeling really down and depressed about it all

why me, i have never done drugs or drank bottles of whiskey, i always worked hard and everytime i have walked into a gp before i have gone in with hope that things will get better, this time it feels like there is no point going, i feel encased in a wall of glass btw me and the world, if someone gave me a million pounds tomorrow i wouldnt feel any happier.

for all the world i know this can be called clinical depression but it just feels like there is not one single drug out there that can help me feel normal again, cant drink beer or i get panic attacks, cant smoke cigs or i get acute anxiety, cant drink coffee or i get all jittery, and all i am left with is feeling like i am encased in a wall of glass btw me and the world and i feel so depressed that i will go to the gp and he will give me new medication, i will feel ill from the side effects so i am gonna feel even worse than now

i need a miracle, i just feel really depressed cos my past experience tells me there is no hope and all the reading in the forum and all the nice msgs i get and all the self help books and all the life changes and all the keeping busy in the world arent helping today

all my old friends will down the pub tonite watching a band and having fun and getting drunk and all they get the next day is a bad head and here is me no friends no girlfriend no job no nothing - just another trip to the gp for another round of meds that probably wont work anyway

sorry for this post i am full of self pity but i dont care really that i am full of self pity cos i feel like i am one of the unlucky ones who nothing ever works for and that i could be approaching the end of my life

i just want to be normal and have fun in normal ways no more valium no more nite nurse cold cure to make me sleep

sorry