Hi, my name's Ben and today I'm meant to be starting on 10 mg of Citalopram for my anxiety (which I've had for almost 2 years now) and I'm very nervous about it mainly because of 2 things:

1. I've never had to take any kind of medication like this before. I've always tried to go on without it and a lot of the time I've managed to (with difficulty but I managed) however in the last couple of months the negative and irrational thoughts I've been having, have really made me a lot more anxious and made medication a more likely option now.

2. The possible side effect of having suicidal thoughts. This scares me a lot because a couple months ago I had gotten really panicky one morning, felt quite vulnerable afterwards and then had a fear of losing control and somehow harming myself. The thought really upset me (as I've never even been close to wanting to harm myself before), and I've had the recurring thought ever since, again upsetting me each time because I focus on it so much, almost tricking myself into thinking it will happen. So the possibility of the side effect happening has got me incredibly nervous and upset.

I also read that the effect is more common in younger people, and being 20 years old (well 21 in a week's time) has again fed my fear that it will definitely happen to me. The other side effects make me nervous but I'm not as worried about them.

So I was simply wondering if anyone had advice for a newbie about to start taking Citalopram.
Thanks in advance