Sorry that you feel that way!
But check out the symptoms of purely obsessional OCD as well. Kind of sounds like you might have some of those symptoms as well.

Try any methods that you can that improve your outlook.

I'm on meds right now and looking to buy a book and workbook for OCD.
About a year ago around this time I was plagued by health anxiety. I had been getting headaches around finals week in school and I had never felt them before. I went to the doctor so many times saying my head hurts here, maybe it's a sinus infection.... I kept trying to diagnose myself with all kinds of things. Then I heard that a woman back at home was diagnosed with a brain tumor. She had reported headaches that came all of a sudden. I had just had a headache that was so splitting and sudden I thought I was going to pass out or even die. I had a panic attack that night and was scared every day that I would get a headache again.. and then I started worrying that the headache could have been the first signs of a tumor. I was told I had tension headaches but I didn't believe the diagnosis. I still believed that I had a "brain tumor" and I spent hours and hours every day searching for the symptoms of a brain tumor to see if I had them. I became depressed, obsessed, and full of anxiety. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I was afraid I would die in my sleep.. I was afraid that I would choke on something if I ate. I was living in fear. It was horrible. Every day I would talk to my mom and ask her if I was okay and repeat myself and my questions over and over again. I couldn't get the thoughts out of my mind. I failed three classes that semester. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression and put on meds. Those seemed to really help but I still had some anxiety during that first year on meds. I had to switch meds twice because of weight gain. This summer I was able to go off of meds for three months and it felt great! When school started again the anxiety started coming back and the intrusive thought were the first thing. I went to the doctor the other day complaining that something wasn't right and then I was diagnosed with OCD. I looked up OCD on various sites and found most of my symptoms fall under purely obsessional OCD. Needless to say, I feel SO much better knowing my main problem is OCD and I know where the anxiety comes from. Just know that you will be okay and you won't do those things. I know how scary the thought are.

Do what you need to do! Be strong!