I know what that jumping off stage feels like after 5 weeks trying fluoxetine, I thought I was going to die. I did 5 months citalopram at 20mg, didn't do anything, but nor was I really dealing with my life problems either, I then took nothing until a nervous break down where I couldn't take any more, I stopped sleeping and felt so ill and on the edge that I spent 4 months living in my mum's back bedroom and I am nearly 42!!!
I then started on lofepramine - 140mg but that gave me bad side effects for what little it was doing, for three weeks off it I felt ok and then bump off we went again, crying for no rason and feeling really low, so on to sert for 1 day only, I woke up, thought I was going to black out and spent the mornign on my sisters floor feeling dizzy and faint. On the fluox we went while i had a psych assesment with a nurse, she said you wouldn't believe the amount of people who couldn't tolerate ssri's, I thought I can, I am one of them! So back to my understanding doc and onto clomipramine we went, on his recommend, I started to feel better after a week, I think it was just the relief from coming off the others. I stopped retching and after a few months even got a small part time cleaning job after 3 years of not working. I sometimes feel crap in work, but not from anxiety, more from feeling hot and a little faint when I am working, not sure if this is the tabs or me? I will ask on my next Doc apt. The one appt I did have with a psychiatrist after my assesment was a complete waste of time, he spent the first 10mins talking about the weather and the next half talking about my hobbies, my relationship, my family, my financial stuff - this is kindergarten stuff, I needed proper understanding of my condition. I told my Doc and he agreed that the mental health services offered to people that he refers are totally not good enough. I could have done better myself!

I hear of people like your aunt being on meds for years, I supposse if you feel good and you can just take em and get on with your day then fine, but I questions all the time, why I aren't ok without them, there must be a reason? I don't want to be on them forever but I don't want to go back to how I felt.

Don't be frightened of going up in small mgs, I started on 3 x 10mg a day and then went to 40 but that stopped orgasms ( I say it like it is! Can you believe that when I mentioned this to the Psych, I had told him I was in a new relationship and he asked could it be the new boyfriend not being quite up to it!!!! I told him I hadn't had problems before the new tab!!) so I chatted to Doc and went down to 35 per day and Os are now hit and miss, I hope as I go down a bit more, it will help but at the same time keep the anxiety at bay.
Life eh, never thought this would be me, even though I am not the most self confident, I never feared going anywhere or trying new things. I used to be cabin crew flying all over the world and end up sleeping in my mums back bedroom at 40 odd

I read everything about the meds as I am paranoid that they will make me ill, so when I was put on these, I googled - naughty me ha ha, they said that these are also given to dogs, for seperation anxiety and excessive barking etc, so I am hoping to be wagging my tail any day now or maybe I will just start weeing up lamp posts.
I know it's no joke but sometimes you just got to laugh or you'll cry and I have done my share of that!



---------- Post added at 19:20 ---------- Previous post was at 19:15 ----------

Sorry for the spelling, I feel I have that much in my head I want to type that my fingers can't keep up! Plus I am hungry and waiting for an Indian.