i wake up and I cry

[Polar Bear]

Never know how to explain my feelings really but I need to try.

I've struggled along for decades with anxiety which has turned into depression. I can get out and about and even have taken on a part time job within the last couple of months.

Within my field many people seem to rate what I do but I think I'm useless. Had to meet with someone yesterday which I thought didn't go that well. It's knocked my confidence again. I wake up every day and cry fretting over my performance at my job and thinking negatively about what's in store for another day.

I can never stop worrying, my mind just churns things around and around. I'm worn out mentally and physically and feel I will never break free of all this. I get angry then guilty for feeling angry!

I feel stressed all the time. Just want some peace!

[Gregor]

Hi,

Having to cope with depression and anxiety day in day out for years is mentally tiring. Unfortunately I can't offer any words of wisdom as I don't want to make you feel worse! I can just empathise with you because to have some peace for once would be lovely.

[Polar Bear]

Thanks Gregor

I'm feeling a little better today. Trying to be strong (just hope it lasts a while). Have a weekend where I'm working coming up and will see the person I met with Tuesday. Just hope I can recover a bit of the credibility I feel I lost then.

Have been having some counselling and wasn't due to go back for a few weeks (thought I was getting better!) but have arranged to go again on Monday and get some more help.

Yes some peace would be nice as although as I say I feel a bit better today I always feel this anxiety niggling away so never can relax properly. Get so tired.

Thanks for your support. Hope you can find some peace too!

Mike

[-Stella-]

Hi Mike
I just wanted to add my voice and say you are not alone! I relate a lot to what you describe, where people seem to think you do a good job but you don't feel that way.
I am glad that you have arranged to go to counselling again sooner, that in itself is positive because it means you are taking active steps to help yourself, which is great.
Sending you an internet hug, I know this is really hard to go through.
Stella

[Tanner40]

Mike,
I generally try sitting down after a meeting like that and just write down the facts. I leave out my interpretations of the event (like I made a fool of myself or they didn't like me)/ I just write down the facts like a reporter. Then I write down what my interpretations and/or thoughts were and where the discrepancies exist.
When we are anxious our minds play tricks on us. Our negative mindset often leads us to imagine or believe things that aren't true. It helps me to put the lies to my thoughts.
Hope that today goes better for you.

[Polar Bear]

Thanks Stella and Tanner

Stella - It does help to know that none of us is alone with any of this. Yes I think going back for counselling earlier than planned is a positive move (need to hang on to these positives!). Definitely need more help! Thanks for your thoughtfulness

Tanner - I'll definitely try that strategy. I do focus on the negatives and ignore positives which I think is a big thing for me to address. Trying to get some realism into the outcome of any situation I think will really help. Need to practice though