Skeletons in cupboard

[Brunette]

You are pretty defensive for someone who said they wouldn't be offended by anybody's answers. What did you think people would say?

The bottom line is that you can tread on as many people as you like but one day, when nobody gives a sh*t about you any longer, you have to accept the consequences of that and that's usually being left bitter and alone. Clinical depression, anxiety or any number of disorders may or may not come into it but it isn't going to be a picnic.

The less-than-sympathetic responses of people on this thread are an indicator of what lies ahead so you'd better think about changing or get used to it.

Your life, your call.

[clarisse]

What you choose to believe in,
or how you go about life Vicky is your choice.

You asked the question,s and I somehow believe you were just seeking justification for your actions.


You as every other human being on the planet have to live with your actions,Karma doesnt have one face and you will never know what guilt or torment that Politician is dealing with.

You would be far better off feeling remorse for your own actions and the sheer devastating effects you have caused your own victims in life ,than judging others.

You seem very confrontational and as you can see,what you give out you are getting back.

No one got personal with you and all I can see is you constantly are looking for arguements.
Not only that ,your first post and the last ,really contradict each other.
Makes me wonder what you motives are here to be perfectly honest.

[nomorepanic]

You have no way of knowing if that person and his family are doing well though.

I never said people are suffering because of their past wrong-doings.

Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people

[nomorepanic]

I just read your intro post Vicki:

"I'm vicki, why am i here? Well 2 years ago i was the happiest person on earth until i found out my husband was cheating on me with one of my best friends, well i won't bore you with the details needless to say my world fell apart overnight."

So things do come back to bite you on the bum!

[Barnabas75]

You wanted some brutal honesty..here goes..but you will probably hate me for it..

And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?

[vicki1980]

Oh Debs or anyone else don't be sorry, i ask for honesty, not rich tea and sympathy.

People saying it will all get better etc etc is all well and good, but i stopped believing in fairy tales about the same time i stopped putting my teeth under the pillow for the tooth fairy.

Best to live your life in the real world isn't it? Not Peter Pans world.

[Tessar]

I've been watching this thread develop & have read the various posts but I am still confused. I don't quite get where this is all going or what it is that you are looking for, Vicki. But in fact i do I wonder if your intro post throws some light on all this:

"I'm vicki, why am i here? Well 2 years ago i was the happiest person on earth until i found out my husband was cheating on me with one of my best friends, well i won't bore you with the details needless to say my world fell apart overnight."

I obviously can't comment on this from your perspective but had something like this happened to me, I would be devastated. My ability to trust in people would be gone because the one person in the world who should be my best friend would have been a liar & a cheat. I'd feel rejected. Maybe bitter even.

I do wonder if perhaps this wrongdoing by your husband is behind your current depression? It would be hard not to feel rejected. Of your past you say "I don't really care that much now about the people in the past i have sacked/ruined/slept with their husbands broke up their families etc"

Is it different now that the "boot is on the other foot"?

I am genuinely curious about this because underneath the hard exterior you present, I sense a hurt & disappointed individual. Someone who perhaps wishes to express their hurt but finds this difficult.

To me, your comment "If you do want to comment on my post please be totally blunt/honest with me" reads like an invitation to attack you. Perhaps you feel you do need to be punished or that you feel you deserve punishment. You are inviting members here to do that for you. If they do, you can then pick away at them in turn & add them to your pile of conquests. These are however people genuinely interested in helping you.

You then furthered this with "I don't care about the lives i have ruined so i doubt your comments will offend me".

Perhaps the words I am looking for are in this post.....

I agree with Clarisse's post.

I think that you don't want to feel guilt but that you actually do and this is where your inner conflict is coming from.

What you decide to do about it is up to you but it does seem that a change of attitude towards life and others in general is in order. The bottom line is that selfish people end up alone and I'm sure you don't want that.

In closing, I do sense that you have conflict going on in your mind but you aren't sure how to resolve it. At the moment, your natural instinct is to strike out at people.
To lash out, especially at those who might dare suggest the way to resolve your inner conflict would be to become more at ease with the world and the other people in it.

These people you feel like walking all over could actually help you more than you know. Risky though it may seem .....why not give them a chance because you might find that happiness you are looking for.

[Barnabas75]

After some thought I agree with Tessar.Maybe your hard exterior is a cover for a soft interior.You would not hurt otherwise.We have all done and thought bad things at some point in our lives.Who am I to judge you.Sometimes I think the consequences are to make us see that our choices can be painful.Maybe you could start a new day.

[Paul H]

Vicky, it seems to me, from what I've read, that you suffered a terrible blow when your husband left and that you reacted by refusing to face the feelings this brought. You adopted, instead, a persona which claimed that it couldn't be hurt, couldn't care and would do whatever it took to succeed - perhaps in order to compensate for the damage done to your self esteem.

I would imagine that anybody who is betrayed by a husband and a best friend would question whether they were to blame. Perhaps this betrayal "confirmed" an already fragile self-esteem. It can sometimes be far easier to refuse to face up to such feelings and to react by adopting some belief that the world is a vicious place and that one has to become hardened to suffering in order to survive.

I think, however, you do care. If you didn't care then you would not have asked the question "should I feel guilty?" One doesn't feel guilt if one doesn't care.

Your surival strategy probably worked well for a while. It brought you career success but it hasn't made you happy and now the solution is becoming a problem in its own right. Your depression would seem, at first glance, to be a result of suppressed emotions and a period of time during which you really haven't been true to yourself.

I don't think you're narcissistic. I think you hurt very badly and that your survival strategy is no longer working. I think you'd like to get back to the person you were before. I think you feel as if you'd like to be better even than that.

You can do it. I very much doubt that you live around Berks or Oxon but you could find another therapist closer to you who could help. You don't sound short of money and so I'd really recommend that you went to see someone who could help.

Best wishes

Paul