Hi everyone, I just wrote a huge post and accidentally deleted it! So now I will write it again, but I will be shorter.
I have this phobia too, and I just wanted to chime in. It is really nice to see that I am not alone. Then again it is frustrating to see that not many of us have found a cure or good coping mechanisms.
I am now 30 years old and I remember my first time suffering from this phobia when I was about 16-17 years old. I started at a new school, and took the bus every morning and every afternoon for 25 minutes. I would obsess about going to the toilet preemptively before each busride. I would also sometimes put paper tissues in my pants.
Then came a period from between maybe 20 and 25 where I was able to supress this phobia. I often try to think back on this period to find out what I did differently then, and to try to do that again. This is why I still have hope that I can change the situation again.
During this good period I went travelling. I did all the things that I now fear the most. I went on many journeys to rural areas in mountains and jungles with absolutely minimum access to toilets. To get there I would often ride in the back of huge trucks, crammed together with indegenous people, their food and luggage and even their animals. These trucks where always filled to the maximum and would go on for 10-12 hours. And you couldn't really tell the driver you wanted to take a break or get off. That would make everyone late and annoyed and you couldn't just wait for the next car - often there was only one each day! Anyway, during this period in my life and during the travels I was somehow able to control the phobia. I will mention a few different thoughts I have found out as to how I did it.
1. I was happy! Many of you talked about the vicious circle, where phobia and anxiety leads to sadness and depression which again leads to worsened phobia symptoms and so on. I think that this goes the other way too. If you are happy and you do stuff that make you happy, you will have an easier time coping. Do stuff that makes you happy, - and it doesn't have to be away from your comfort zone - read good books etc. And do exercise or sports. This. This scientifically helps because of the release of endorfines in the brain or whatever. It totally worked/works for me.
2. I remember that when I travelled I thought to myself early on: "These are special circumstances, you can't get to a toilet whenever you want to. So, normal people shit once a day, this you should do too. Do it in the morning. And whenever you feel an urge during the day, it will be false alarm, and you shouldn't worry about it." For some reason this worked for me. I sometimes try to use it still, and sometimes it works for me.
3. Another thing that works for me is this simple thought: "At least I'm not going to die." It is a way of putting you worst fear in to perspective. "Ok, maybe I shit my pants, so what? I will survive and that's the important thing." My worst case scenario is something like the metro stops suddenly, not at a station. I get nervous and panic, and my bowels start to move and soon I get the need to take a shit. I can't get off the train, it doesn't move, I can't hold it in and I shit my pants, every can see, and everyone can smell it. Total humiliation. Maybe I am even together with friends or people I know, which will make it even worse. This is my biggest fear. But what would really happen? Maybe, just maybe I would actually shit my pants, but people wouldn't think that much of it. They would probably just think I had some kind of handicap or that I was wasted on drugs or alcohol or that I just had some really bad food and got sudden diarhea. They would think poor guy and then they would forget about again, and they would worry about their own problems! Everyone has worries and problems, it's not just you.
Anyway I want to end the post here, and just encourage everyone to reply and let's revive this thread and share not just worries and problems but also helpful tips, coping tricks, small victories, advise for each other.
Take care!