Re: I know why I have anxiety, yet I still get it
Originally Posted by
Ronan23
I guess what i'm trying to get across is, how do you get better even though you know the science behind the deceptive brain messages?
Great question and it's one of the main reasons why anxiety tends to stick around for so long despite understanding the mechanics behind it. And it's quite simple really. Intellectual understanding is virtually useless.
Don't get me wrong, understanding can reduce bewilderment and provide some relief and contribute toward strategies that can help, but ultimately it's pretty useless in terms of overcoming anxiety itself. This is because us humans are so mind dominated. We work under the false assumption that we have to live our lives from our heads. Its such a well ingrained belief that we don't see it. Our minds are problem solvers. But also problem creators. We try and solve all of life's problems from thinking about it. Can you ride a bicycle from thinking about it? You could probably work out ll the physics behind it. How much pressure to apply to the left pedal and right pedal, momentum, centrifugal forces, balance, stability, and so on. You could write a phd thesis on how to ride a bike but you won't be able to do it unless you actually get on the bike and let the body do it!
It's the same with anxiety. You can understand all there is to know about it right down to the stress hormones and neuronal pattern circuitry in the amygdala and periaquaductal grey. But you need to go beyond that because real change comes through experience, it comes through finding out the truth for yourself by yourself. Do you know, REALLY know, that anxiety can't hurt you? Intellectual understanding isn't enough. Our lives are experienced through the body, through raw experience, not through thought. You can come to terms intellectually but you need to come to terms with fear and anxiety emotionally. Another way of saying it is that your 'emotional body' needs to accept anxiety.
It can be referred to living life from the heart rather than the head. I know that sounds a little abstract but we're talking about something here that isn't so easy to explain because it's outside what the mind is used to. It's hard to conceptualise it. And the things is, life and experience IS hard to conceptualise, and the mind works through concepts. So if it doesn't understand it very well then it can be afraid of it. That's why approaching life from the heart is the true way of living. It's the natural way! One way of getting a handle on what I'm saying is to just go for a walk, preferably in nature. Suspend thinking, analysing, and working everything out and let everything just be as it is, even if uncomfortable. And without knowing how, experience that walk from the heart.
I even get anxious from breathing exercises which are designed to help anxiety!! I find focusing on my breathing makes me anxious that I'll stop breathing.
This happened to me too. Learn to diaphragm breath. This really helps. It takes time so don't expect much from the get go. But what really really really helps is this;
1. Let your diaphragm do the breathing (that's the natural way of breathing)
2. Pay attention to your nose, throat, and chest. If it feels like any of these muscles are doing the breathing (contracting or pulling feeling) then work on relaxing them and don't use them at all. It's taken me 32 years to realise I have been breathing the wrong way. The nose, throat and chest muscles are there to control breathing ONLY if needed in certain circumstances. They are NOT there for normal natural breathing.
3. Completely let go of trying to breathe. This is NOT about taking control of breathing. This is about LOSING control of breathing.
4. Following on from point 3, on many occassions you're just going to have to let go through the sticky point. The sticky point is when you feel like if you let go of trying to control the breath it's going to make it worse. This is the real letting go point. It's your way of saying, "ok, i'm not going to control this. if I stop breathing then fine."
5. Remember that you don't control your breathing at night, do you? The body is perfectly capable of breathing by itself.
6. When you start to breathe correctly in the natural way...you will know it. It will feel effortless (the way it should be).
(p.s. remember it takes time to retrain yourself to breathe correctly. SO establish these points and think no more about it.)
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The best antidote to fear is the truth
'The cave you fear to enter holds the greatest treasure you seek' - J Campbell