Im afraid im going to be in hospital for christmas ive become so ill,
The last couple of days ive become even worse, i now feel like im going crazy 24/7, not think i might but physically feel the feelings are so intense, i become more detatched from myself and my family. I mentally feel lost and like i have no connection to life no more. It dosnt help that my memory and awarness and clarity are terrible so i dont even get satisfaction out of anything no more, when i look at my children i dont take it in i dont feel nothing.
I feel like im no longer part of my family i feel like im no longer party of anything. Im really struggling 24/7 now, frustration is high because u know its happening to me and i cant get out if it i feel powerless, anger is creeping in i lost it last night and went crazy for a minute, im scared I'm slowley losing my mind its that bad, ive never been one to cry, moan or sulk but i feel so bad so ill im debating taking myself to hospital away from my family.
Im trying my best to get through each day but each day is a mental and emotional battle! Im fighting through each day i have for 12 months solid and im drained.
Sunday was so bad i just stared and stared and could not lift my head, mood or thoughts i was so bad i started to panic,i couldnt think outwards i cant do it. I mentally feel trapped n lost. my wife took me out and i cried out of frustration next thing it lifted and for about 2 hours i felt amazing, i could think & feel normal i even felt the feeling of excitment for christmas! Later on it just went.
Whats happening to me!!!!?
I feel lost, no motion in my life, no ideas, no attatchment, no love, no outwards thinking power, i have to try to think normal instead of my brain just being open and free and doing it. Feel like im going crazy really bad its making me feel like freaking out and shouting for help.
What can i do please someone help me.
---------- Post added at 08:30 ---------- Previous post was at 08:23 ----------
I scared my children i scared my wife they were all in tears but yet i felt nothing or any regret i just felt alive like my body wont relax and feel anything,
My body and brain wont relax my brain wont shut up or switch off.
I feel tense 24/7 even when i go sleep i keep talking in my head! I wake up like my brains been awake all night.
I just want my old self and life back.
I need me back asap before i lose everything.