Hello guys!
I am a girl and I am 19 years old. I just have to note that English is not my mother tongue and my writing can be a little weird, sorry in advance. I suffer from anxiety and obsessive thinking since August 2015 (I was diagnosed by two psychologist).
In order to tell you everything I've been through since August I would have to write a little novel, so I'll try to be as short as possible. I won't discuss about my anxiety, you just need to now that I have it...big time. I am also affected by the loss of my father this year in March. You can pretty much say that emotionally I am a wreck.
Now...even since I started highschool I was always daydreaming. I was daydreaming excessively. Don’t get me wrong, I was living my life…you know, going to school, going out with my friends, spending time with my family, reading, movies, jogging…but in the same time I was always daydreaming a perfect version of myself living the perfect live. This was my form of escapism from the problems I was facing back then. This year I found out this…thing has a name. It’s called Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder (MD). I got a huge scare 2 or 3 weeks ago…and I stopped daydreaming ever since.
This is where my now-problems start. I got scared. I realized I will live the rest of my life from this perspective, from my own perspective (like my eyes are the video camera and life unfolds in front of her). When I was daydreaming I imagined myself from the outside. Now I am fully attached to reality…and I feel weird.
How do I feel now? I don’t even know how to really explain the feeling. I feel detached from my surroundings. I see the reality properly (it’s not distortionated)…I just have this…detached feeling. It’s like I can’t fully live my life. I look around and it’s like I have this thin and subtle fog in front of my eyes…it’s like I can’t properly focus my eyes on things. I have moments when I feel like I have stuffy ears and I can’t hear properly (slighty the way you hear underwater). On the other side, I have moments when I feel so aware of myself. I..I am weirded out by the fact that I have thoughts, that I move. I am so aware of my existence and it scares me. I feel uncomfortable, and the thought of living the rest of my life from this body…it feels weird and scary. I have moments when I can barely feel my feet when I’m walking, it’s like I’m walking on air..and my feet are made out of jelly.
I am scared of these feelings. I don’t know what it is, I can’t really tell if it’s DR or something else…I am afraid of living the rest of my life like this. So, I am writing this to ask you, do I have a form of DR? From what I've read on the internet, it fits my symptoms and it doesn't in the same time. Are there different degrees of DR?
Thank you!