I have been having intrusive thoughts for about 3 years.
The intrusive thoughts started out because of a traumatic experience associated with a feeling of guilt and started as images of an ex partner whilst being with a current partner. The content/nature/process of the thoughts have since then developed and spread onto virtually anything. From very banal and mundane thoughts to extremely shocking or embarrassing ones, no matter what the nature of them is, I can be obsessive about them and they can be very distressing. Does anybody else have obsessions or intrusions of thoughts that are not necessarily shocking or embarrassing?
Also, some of my intrusive thoughts are sometimes very random/visual/trippy. They sometimes feel hallucinogenic, although I am sure that I am not actually hallucinating. I once had the thought that I was inhabited by someone else. These kinds of thoughts make me feel like I am losing my mind. Has anybody else experienced thoughts that are visual, trippy, random or of a similar nature? has anybody experienced such thoughts in an intrusive or uncontrollable way or felt that they were losing their mind?
My intrusive thoughts used to happen at moments when I least wanted them to, but now also happen at random times, or, my mind will constantly create new circumstances in which I find it distressing to experience them. I will often feel anxious because my mind comes up with a new intrusive thought or thought process and I think that I will be stuck with it (or: “what if I am stuck with it”). Upon doing research, I have realised that I experience intrusive thoughts that are similar to other people’s (which created a sense of relief) but I find I also experience some that are not at all, or some that are very special/personal to me. Some of my thoughts could be put in the categories of thoughts that people experience (violence, sex, paedophilia etc.), but some can’t. Does anybody find this too? Does anybody have intrusive thoughts that they feel no one else can have?
If anyone has experienced something they feel might be similar to what I have described so far, or if they simply have a very different experience they feel might be relevant, all is very welcome.
I also wanted to ask about mindfulness. I feel like before I suffered from intrusive thoughts, I would be very good at letting go of worries and thoughts and I found mindfulness exercises useful. However, I find doing mindfulness to deal with intrusive thoughts difficult. When I do mindfulness I inevitably produce intrusive or unwanted thoughts and I will try to be non judgemental of them, try not to get rid of them and accept them with no bad or good feeling associated to them, but it still causes distress and I find it hard to assess whether it’s helping me or not.
I was wondering if anybody had any useful experiences to share on intrusive thoughts and mindfulness, or on OCD/Pure O and mindfulness.
Thank you very much.