Hi All
Debating to post this our not as I am conscious I know its me being obsessive but I am looking to see if someone has went through something very similar.
A little background before I go ahead. In the last 2 years since my mum passed away my health anxiety has been on and off. About a year and a bit ago my first true trigger happened when I had a strange pressure under my rib, to keep a long story I was obsessed thinking this was sometime of cancer despite being re-assured by the Doctor there was nothing. He eventually sent me for a scan which showed no issued. This at the time helped and for 6-7months after this my Health Anxiety seemed to cease.
So in November 2017 it triggered again after I went to the toilet and by chance happened to look down and notice fresh red blood on my stool (stool was slightly darker as I think is common for harder stool / rabbit pellet type stools). In my head I knew I had this in the past but my head was telling me something different. I think it was a hard stool and I think I did strain but my memory is so foggy on the day. Since that days I have obsessed with checking my stools looking for blood to the point I was using toilet paper from above to smush it (I know disgusting). I was finding red flecks, bits of red food which made me panic. I was constantly wiping to try and find blood and sometimes I did find like little pin pricks of blood (no doubt from excessive wiping)
In December it totally consumed me and changed me as a person. Doing the classic things of trying to get re-assurance from my wife, (and family) all the time, asking her all the time and trying to slip it into casual conversation. I was still checking stools but I never noticed more blood like I did apart from pin pricks on the toilet paper but still my head was consumed with bowel / anal cancers even though logically in my head I knew it was a low chance. I went to try CBT and it did help in the short term to focus. The councillor even had experience in Bowel / Anal cancers as she lost a lot of family members to it and was explaining factors of it to me. One exercise was for me to no overlook and just to check if there was “lots” of blood on the toilet pan or water, and another one was to record when I go to the toilet over a 2 week period (the recordings showed I had regular movements and normal 4-5 type stool on the Bristol stool scale). Just before x-mas I felt I was in a good place to move on and all seemed well, even enjoying x-mas day and new year.
All going well until January when it hit me again after seeing some blood on the toilet tissues (again small amounts and as my diet wasn’t great I did have mucus on some movements). I decided to go to the Doctors this time and he did a rectal exam couldn’t feel anything but didn’t suspect anything sinister other than maybe internal haemorrhoids. He explained he could send me for a colonoscopy and he can submit it but it could take up to 9 months to before I was seen. He has been a family doctor for years but I had no reason to not listen to him. A week it lasted I felt anxious free until I went to the toilet and see red blood on my stool again (much like the last time I think it was a hard passing stool and I think I may have squeezed to hard but when it happens my memory goes foggy and I try and to make it in my head it was different). This triggered all my symptoms again and it was getting worse. Constantly checking my stools Sometimes seeing undigested food (such as baked beans) that made things looked like blood I think when it wasent. I rebooked an appointment and seen him 2 days ago and he said he had to be quite firm with me as my symptoms overall had not changed and he is now suggesting I look at going on anti-depressants to try and help my health anxiety.
In my head I still feel there is an issue but I am trying to come up with a plan of action. I like to think if there was anything seriously wrong there would be very visible blood around the toilet pan or in the water at least. So the last 2-3 days since my appointment I have been trying to not look at the stool at all and I do this by putting toilet paper down to cover the stool so I cannot see it but will let me to see if there is blood in the water or around the pan (To be clear ive never had an excessive amount of blood so in my head if there was a major issue there would be excessive blood). This seems to be helping me cope but today I did find a pin prick of blood on the toilet paper again. And all I can keep thinking is what if there was blood on the stool. I did wipe a few times after finding the blood and couldn’t find anymore blood and its in my head that if it was an anal fissure I would be constantly wiping blood! It did slightly trigger. I try and go through this method to try and help myself and tell my self I don’t have all other symptoms such as:
• Fatigue
• Weight Loss
• Excessive Blood
• Tarry like Stools (Doctor said it would be hard not to notice this as its so black and would be there when u wipe)
• No lumps or bumps around the anus
• No constant stomach pains
• No loss of appetite
• Bowel movements seem consistent to 2-3 times a day (and 1-2 times on the weekend)
• Stools are within 4-5 on Bristol stool scale.
• Dr has examined me twice and advised its very highly unlikely its cancer
I just want to know if anyone has had similar symptoms to this? If you did how did you control it so it didn’t go out of control in your head? Is it worth looking at anti-depressants?
I know logically in my head fresh red blood and small amounts are very common for all ages and it could have been a very tiny fissure that sealed up after wiping but I am worried the all consuming thoughts of bowel cancer will creep in again. Any advice would be appreciated.
Sorry for the long post!