Hi .You're right. I tried really hard and thinking about that time not only put CBT into practice but had others issues to distract me. I am indeed going back down that rabbit hole but as happens when you are there I can now not see beyond throat cancer - the ' I WAS WRONG ALL THE OTHER TIMES BUT THIS ONE iS DIFFERENT'. I will see my GP about having some more CBT. Trouble is that I know the theory inside out - it is applying it that is so difficult. I keep thinking - if I can get myself past this one I'll be ok - but know the reality of the next HA just around the corner. I became a grandma 12 weeks ago and ever since have been spiralling - scared I'm not going too be here to enjoy him. I'm so desperately seeking someone who has experienced the same and it NOT be cancer. It is a very scary place