Hey Kel! I have good days and bad too, seems like more bad than good right now. I pray every morning for just a couple good days so that I can handle the bad. But when I get a good day it seems to make the bad days that much harder. It makes you feel like you are taking 1 step forward and then 10 backward. I'm working so hard right now and I dont feel like I'm getting much of a reward yet. I'm a girl of instant gratification lol.

I've realized this medicine takes a lot of patience, patience that we dont have. I have to really dig deep some days.

I was so depressed yesterday about the news of Anthony Bourdains suicide. It ruined my whole day. Not because I obsess over celebrities lives, but because for the first time, I understand. I used to hear about suicide and say "how selfish, one person's pain gets passed on to 20".

It upset me so badly because I COULD understand and i COULD relate. I know how you could get so low. I dont want to know these things, I dont want to understand the pain, I want to go back to my happy life.

It was damn near perfect. Perfect husband, perfect daughter, perfect brand new home, perfect family. Why is that never enough?

Sorry for the long one, I just wanted to say that I'm determined to fight and claw my way back to there and I'm here to talk if you need anyone! I'm new at this, but I never judge!