Quote Originally Posted by Buster70 View Post
I guess this is a slot I’d fit into but like a lot of people on here I have never really been given a label or diagnosed , surprising as at my worst I was hallucinating and crying like a baby but it’s not like a broken leg where Dr looks and goes that’s a broken leg you’ve got there .
my ongoing state started seven years ago after choking on some food , a bloody pork scratching of all things ( my own fault should have stuck with being a vegetarian) so I stopped breathing infront of my family and no one could help , obviously I survived the incident after a trip to hospital but I couldn’t stop going over and over what had happened and how it could have turned out differently, after no sleep for a couple of weeks the doc said try antidepressants but didnt actually say what they were , they just opened up my mind even more to a point where I started to think I might be in a coma dreaming or maybe I did die that night , anyway long and short it opened up a can of worms I doubt I will ever get the lid back on .
so no anxiety , depression or ptsd ever actually formally diagnosed,it may well be on my records but never said to me or written down .
Ive seen the crisis team , psychiatrist , therapist and done CBT , the only time anyone said this is what’s wrong with you was the therapist who I told everything to and she said you seem to have PTSD , she suggested some eye movement type therapy but it never happened .
The other problem was which event started the ptsd, I know which one brought it to a head but I think it started way before porkscratchygate, I saw a boy killed when I was ten which is still a fresh memory, an older lad tried to drown me at about the same age , I had a bad trip on mushrooms at seventeen and ended up in hospital, my dad dropped dead infront of me at 29 , and being told my daughter was going to die after an overdose which she pulled through. Plus one thing I can’t put on here that I haven’t spoken to anyone about and probably never will .
All of these memories cannot be erased but it would be good to know what the hell to do with them .
This brings me on to triggers , hospitals bring most events back but I can’t avoid them , virtually every time I go to hospital with family it triggers my worst fears . Next is eating I have a massive fear of choking again, if a crumb goes down the wrong hole instant panic sets in to a point where my throat physically closes up , this also extends to other people especially family, if they start coughing I panic until they’ve stopped , again none of this can be avoided .
life is unpredictable and situations that some would consider dangerous don’t bother me but my past experiences have left a mark on my mind that cant be taken away ,I guess its a way of protecting me but to an extreme that has taken over my life .
Anyway that’s me in a nutshell or nuts’hell , would a ptsd lable change anything? Probably not .
ps feeling about as shite as hell lately, anxious all day and the vivid night terrors are back , all bloody good fun .
Take care , sweet dreams .
Buster that's so incredibly sad. EMDR therapy could definitely help you! Don't for a moment sit back and think this is how you have to be forever. With PTSD, when we are triggered it is as traumatic as the original events. We are reminded and are constantly retraumatised. The key to getting over this is to 'process' the trauma, be this through EMDR or talking therapies. It can be done truly. I am 5 months into therapy with a private therapist and even though I am still fairly bad I have improved substantially since and I'm still identifying triggers.

It sounds as though all of your past has traumatised you and the choking incident was the straw that broke the camels back, so to speak. Don't give up. It can get better! Xxx