Worst painc ever

[LouiseAndy]

Recovery is never linear and there will always be steps back.

The best analogy I could come up with is looking at the waves on the beach. It doesn't matter if the tide is going in or out, waves will still come in and out and it's the same with anxiety. There will be good days and bad days and it is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about.

Thank you so much Joe x I love that analogy! It's all about trying to go forward.

Like today was a mixed bag- some bad stuff like heart rate being super high, hard of breath, feeling kinda dizzy and upset stomach but! I found out today I scored in the top 3% of my college class last year . Out of a class of 340 I ain't doing to bad- for someone who doesn't think of themselves as very smart alot of the time. So, that means getting a award! Boo-Boo the fool isn't doing to badly !

[LouiseAndy]

I just had a dizzy spell so bad I couldn't even get off the couch without my legs shaking, My heart rate was going so high- I ended up having to call my friend I was so freaked. She was walking home from work and like we talked about alot of things that weren't it.. It helped calm me but I'm so frustrated but also scared. Like I'm over all my fears of cancer or any other health thing. I worked so hard to get there, it's the heart that's left.

[Scass]

I know you know that this was an anxiety symptom. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t have been cured by the chat with your friend. You’re going through a really bad patch at the moment and your anxiety has to come out somehow sometimes. Even normal everyday anxiety needs an outlet. Yours just happens to focus around your heart.
I’m glad it passed and that you had a great coping strategy to deal with it. Keep thinking of the positives, you’re doing brilliantly x

[BlueIris]

It was awful, but it was a blip. Please don't blame yourself? We all have these setbacks from time to time.

[ankietyjoe]

I think it's common for people who have experienced sexual abuse to self blame.

Hopefully this will be resolved over time with therapy.

You're doing great LouiseAndy, just remember to balance out effort with rest, you don't have to 'win' every day x

[LouiseAndy]

Hi everyone, thank you all so much for replying x My friend had a gig on Friday night and someone knocked my phone into a glass of- god knows what but I'm finally able to get onto my laptop and reply.

Once again, thank you all for your kind words and even taking the time to read and reply to me. I know I ramble on alot. I did have a small win, I manged to go to my friends gig on Friday night which freaked me out. I kept thinking about dizzy spells, racing heart- all that. I manged to go and I felt unwell at some stages but I stayed and enjoyed myself like 90% of the time! Which is big for me.

I'm still having some crazy fast beats (Like I don't know how to take beats and I don't plan on it but you know I can just feel it pounding alot) and feeling off- but I'm trying to really bring myself around to it all being anxiety and I think I might be slowly believing it? Hoping this isn't speaking to soon lol

I feel like with sexual abuse- I grow up with alot of my extended family (who are alot more closed minded then my Mam) tended to say that girls always brought it on themselves- no matter what the case of the abuse. It's still hard to get those words out of my head alot.

I also have a therapy appointment next week, so there's alot to talk about I know. I'm still proud, my heart thing been going on awhile and I haven' gone running to the doctor nor anything like that. A part of me is like....but what if...but it's also like. I've been going on awhile and I'm still kicking

[LouiseAndy]

I manged to spend the whole day in a shopping center ! Without running or having to go into the bathroom just to breath out the strange feeling. I did feel strange at some stages but I manged it!

Today been mostly good, had a few wobbles legs moments in the shower and the heart been racing- but I got through today mostly good ! Just entering the bad point the night lol x But manged to get through it hopefully

[Scass]

You’re doing so well! Celebrate all the wins!

[ankietyjoe]

I feel like with sexual abuse- I grow up with alot of my extended family tended to say that girls always brought it on themselves- no matter what the case of the abuse. It's still hard to get those words out of my head alot.

Absolutely NO. Just, no. There is not single reason or situation where that is an excuse for abuse, ever. A person never, ever brings it on themselves.

Those words are wrong, and pitiful. They are the words of a coward.

[LouiseAndy]

Absolutely NO. Just, no. There is not single reason or situation where that is an excuse for abuse, ever. A person never, ever brings it on themselves.

Those words are wrong, and pitiful. They are the words of a coward.

It's like I know that? But it feels like that doesn't apply to me- if you understand what I mean? Like if my friend or someone was to tell me they had sadly faced something like did and they told me they felt that way. I would be outraged because that's far from the truth but I work with my therapist how I can allow feelings of understanding and compassion for other people and not me.

My Mam knows something happened, I'm not ready or might not ever be ready to tell her the whole of everything but she loves and supports me. I'm very lucky to have her as she always does her best to understand even if she doesn't understand. It's very harsh to be so closed minded to the world like that I think.

Thank you again for your reply and your words Joe x