Thanks for your reply. Because I’m in a bad place, I haven’t DONE anything as such other than make people worry about me. I feel awful because everyone including my family (who are sometimes a bit unhelpful) is being so lovely and kind to me, I’m so incredibly lucky yet I feel like I need to die (I realise this sounds ridiculous). My thinking is incomprehensible (as in I really believe it’s unique in its own way and that it’s gone to stranger places than I ever believed possible). It’s like I’ve already died, or should have and people are trying to help me but I know in myself that I’m not getting out of this so it feels wrong I’m so many levels. I’m the girl who has everything she ever wanted yet now she has ruined it all. I have always had the anxiety about the self-inflicted depression from 5 years ago in the back of my mind and a combination of moving house, being ill at Christmas, then an amazing (but stressful) holiday, constant guests and then coronavirus led me to feeling low and it’s spiralled out of control. Yes I am receiving help from all the right places and taking the medication. Nobody should ever be thinking like this, it’s gone way beyond the realms of normal. It’s exhausting, constant and ludicrous. The worst is that nobody can truly understand and it seems like I’m being weak, or pathetic. But I’m really not, I am a tough person really and I have turned into something awful.