Some of you probably remember my ordeal where I was meant to have a hysterectomy for my large fibroids back in July. I backed out at the literal last minute - like in pre-op! - because I was so scared and I was alone at the hospital because of Covid.
Well, I made it through the rest of the summer and the fall semester of school but my symptoms got worse. I got a new MRI that showed they'd continued to grow and my surgeon didn't think it wise to wait until summer. So, I took the semester off from school and they called the other day to schedule for February 2.
I am still having such a hard time wrapping my brain around doing this. I know I have to - I have a ton of fibroids from my cervix up past my belly button. My uterus is 27cm long (a normal uterus is usually 7-9cm long)! I also got a second opinion after the summer ordeal and found a wonderful surgeon at Johns Hopkins who says she can do it robotically with a small c-section incision to remove. My first doctor offered only a long vertical cut down my entire abdomen. So, that's a relief.
But. I'm really scared. I still have to go to the hospital alone and Covid is so much worse now than it was in the summer. I wasn't at all worried about catching Covid back then, but I'm a bit more worried about that now that numbers are so high and the new more easily transmitted version is starting to spread in the US.
My doctor is scheduling this as outpatient - but I also worry about that. I know a lot of my anxiety will be about post-op complications so leaving the same day makes me scared. The only other surgery I ever had was a really traumatic emergency with a lot of issues post-op, so it seems so weird to imagine being at home hours after having an organ removed.
I'm trying to stay positive and think of how much better my quality of life will be when this is over! But, it's so hard not to be scared. Rationally, I know it's right, but my anxiety can't let me even imagine that I can go through with it!