Originally Posted by
WiredIncorrectly
Feel like a failure already. Accidentally cocked up the dates, and tonight as the time got near to where I couldn't eat or drink I had a panic attack that wouldn't settle. I didn't even feel hungry to eat a full meal either.
5 minutes in I was wrestling my mind "I need a drink", "No you can't drink Ramadan has started", "But I need a drink I'm having a panic attack", "You're weak James", "This is a test", "What if I drink will I go to hell?".
It just wouldn't stop in my mind. I was constantly checking my pulse, I felt majorly off. So I drank and felt better but then felt majorly depressed because I'd already broke the fast 15 minutes into it. Now I feel doomed. Like a failure. Not worthy in the eyes of God. My prayer, my reading of the Quran, my study of Islam all for nothing. I failed at the first hurdle. My mind is saying "Don't bother to pray, you've failed, come back when you're ready".
This is not meant to happen. I'm not of right mind to do this right now. Or am I justifying myself for failure.
I hate life sometimes.
I have nowhere else to discuss this. And some people here seem to know me. So I hope somebody can chime in here.