Help please? Major blip right now
So I know I'm always quite mouthy on here and always talking about small victories.
The truth is, though, that I'm really not coping right now. My depression's worse than it has been since I started citalopram a couple of years ago, and it's getting to the point where the suicidal thoughts are back and I basically feel like the most worthless person in the world.
To be fair, I have work crap going on and I *think* some of my colleagues are probably being jerks. It's hard to tell, though, when I know I'm not thinking straight. I'm struggling to get stuff done at work and at home, I don't enjoy life any more and work stuff has had me close to tears several times this week, when I've barely cried at all since I started the cit. I've let my meditation slip, as well, but that might be cause or might be effect. I can't trust myself any more, so I'm back to the point where I'm blaming myself for everything in my life that makes me unhappy. Heck, we've been overspending a bit lately and this became (in my mind) a major crisis this morning when I realised I accidentally threw out my sandwich box (more money wasted).
Not sure whether to visit the GP because I'd rather not up my meds, but I do wonder whether the citalopram's given out on me or whether I'm just a complete failure.
I feel like I'm drowning, and what I really want to do is walk away from my job and hide in bed for the rest of my life.
__________________
************************************************** ********
Sometimes, it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness. - Terry Pratchett