I had so many similar thoughts for such a long time - HIV awareness week would make me feel so much panic. I'd look at forums, Google symptoms, how long can it remain undetected, look at how prevalent it is, how it's transmitted, how it's treated - despite knowing rationally - I do not have hiv!

I then realised it's not actually about HIV at all, it's anxiety and that's what needs tackled. I made a deal with myself to take a home test and put it behind me and concentrate on the anxiety rather than my fixation on HIV.
Around this time I was also put on venlafaxine for migraine prevention which actually really helped with anxiety and intrusive thoughts. I'm not on it anymore (stopped being as effective for migraine) but the intrusive thoughts have stayed away. It might be worth speaking to your doctor about how this is effecting you and if you would benefit from some medication or therapy?

Strangely enough, I now work in a needle exchange, where I am surrounded by needles and used needles being handed over ... I never would have thought that would have been possible!

I really hope you can move past this like I have, because I know how time consuming and anxiety inducing it is.

Sarah