New respite concerns

[Lencoboy]

I think all 3 of us are a bit stuck in a rut right now.

Obviously the current weather situation isn't helping a jot.

[BlueIris]

I suspect a change of scene would be really helpful to you right now.

[Carnation]

I'm a bit late coming to this thread and after reading through I'd like to put my views forward. Because I've read the thread from start to finish I can blatantly see how some escapism keeps cropping up.
I can also see how your mum's condition and probably an almost nurse like routine for your mum with your dad focused on everything ticking over nicely can be mentally draining and regimented.
I'm also not a fan of care homes through my experiences and as you say you get at least one bad apple, sometimes several in each place. This can happen in any workplace, not just care homes. Word of mouth or looking up their ways CQC does help, but I'm still wouldn't be jumping for joy. Day centres are completely different, even a day at a care home.
But I'm thinking it's escapism you need Lencoboy and a week, or weekend still leaves you with a shortlived fix with a hole in your pocket.
Personally I think you need to look at reconstructing your week. To maybe have more out days than in.
I know you can attend different day centres on a different day each week with a varied interest from each of them. You might want to look at that. And what about farms, allotments, animal centres? A couple of hours or half a day. This is something you could research.
I think you need weeks constructed in a way you have something to look forward to but not regimented that you see it as boring routine.
I was in a position where I was living with my parents when my dad had parkinsons and my mum had issues with her health and can wear you down. Even bring you down. So your need for some sort of respite is needed.
I can hear you also respect your dad's views and opinions.
In the end it is your choice, your life and even though I've told you my opinion too, it's to be taken as thoughtful suggestions, only you can make up your own mind.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Lenco, I think Carnation raises a good point about you needing more breaks from home each week. Do your day centres advertise local schemes? The centre near me, which we used for mental health walk in sessions once a week, had other activities from walking to gardening.

Maybe something in an environment aimed at people who are struggling with mental health would be a safer place giving you a bridge into things like volunteering later on?

[Lencoboy]

Thanks to everyone for your replies and suggestions.

I think my dad going through a down period over the past week or so has rubbed off on me a bit, especially as he seems to have been glued to the BBC and Sky News channels alternately day in day out during the most part of the past week, who have in turn been endlessly spewing out depressing stuff.

Today he appears to have been a little more active (which hopefully means he's on the mend at long last), and tomorrow I shall be returning to my day centre, provided of course the trains don't get cancelled if the storms persist, but fingers crossed the worst of them might blow over before then.

[BlueIris]

Lenco, I think Carnation raises a good point about you needing more breaks from home each week. Do your day centres advertise local schemes? The centre near me, which we used for mental health walk in sessions once a week, had other activities from walking to gardening.

Maybe something in an environment aimed at people who are struggling with mental health would be a safer place giving you a bridge into things like volunteering later on?

Terry, that's a great idea. Lenco, I think it would be really good for you to do something that focused a little less on your disabilities and gave you the chance to be proud of yourself.

[pulisa]

Have you ever had Employability suggested to you? They look into volunteering and paid work opportunities with support and only with organisations who are well vetted and welcoming to neurodiversity. This would be something offering you an alternative to day centres if you wanted to explore that route?

[Lencoboy]

Have you ever had Employability suggested to you? They look into volunteering and paid work opportunities with support and only with organisations who are well vetted and welcoming to neurodiversity. This would be something offering you an alternative to day centres if you wanted to explore that route?

Not ATM, but thanks for the advice, and of course, nothing can be ruled out in the future.

BTW, my dad seems like he is more back to his usual self again now, thank god!

[Lencoboy]

I've been thinking about this again this morning, and remembering how 'hodge-podge' the first unit I stayed at back in the early 90s was, not just with the arbitrary rules and poor communication by certain staff members (e.g, the rows over the staff toilet, office, staff smoking in the building, etc), but most notably the age mismatch of clients staying there on occasions, e.g, people like me then in early teens being mixed with say, toddlers, which did actually happen on a few stays there of mine.

I really have no idea what planet the Department of Health and Social Care at Staffs CC were on at the time, just seemed so ill-thought out to me.

I know it won't be like that at the new place of which I'm still yet to pursue (obviously pandemic permitting), as it's for adults only, but I still can't help imagining scenarios of certain arsy staff members with their own agendas working there, though I know that people smoking in such premises is now firmly a thing of the past.

While not really relevant in the current context, I've just remembered about my mom sarcastically telling me back in 1990-91 when I was complaining about certain staff members smoking inside the building at my first respite unit (for children) that she was hardly surprised certain staff members there smoked having to deal with demanding kids like me.

Whilst I do appreciate and acknowledge that some people do tend to smoke (and/or drink) more during periods of intense stress, I did feel that my mom guilt-tripped me a little on that occasion that I may have pushed the staff members there who smoked to start smoking, even though they probably took up the habit long before they met me (and the other clients there) for the first time, and back when it was the norm for most people to take up and indulge in said practice.

My mom may have partly said it in jest, but as a 13-year-old (at the time) with ASD, I still wasn't very competent at distinguishing between jest and being serious.

Also whenever I got bullied by other youngsters around that same era, I was often told that I probably asked for it!

[BlueIris]

I know how tough it is, but you can't be an eternal prisoner of your own past. This is why a lot of us are suggesting that you start doing something with your life rather than relying on institutional environments.