Re: Preoccupation with Cancer, and always thinking I have it.
Originally Posted by
generallyUneasy
For years, and I don't know why, I constantly have the worry that I have some rare disease. This ranges from ALS to Mad Cow Disease to Rabies, but most frequently my worry is that I have cancer. I just seem to get over one fear when another pops up. For reference, I'm in my late twenties with no underlying health conditions, I don't smoke and I drink socially - one or two drinks 1-3 times a week depending on the time of year, work etc. I don't take any drugs or medications, legal or illegal.
How are you with the subject of death? Do you fear getting ill and dying or is it death itself, or a combination?
My most recent fear relates to oral cancer. I have these faint white marks on the front of my gums, and despite the dentist and oral surgeon having a look and giving me the okay for a separate oral issue a year ago,
I now worry that they might have missed these marks since I didn't point them out at the time. I get dental check ups twice a year and at my last appointment was told my gums and teeth are fine, but am now worried since my next appointment isn't until mid-June. I know from Googling this last year that this could be leukoplakia, a pre-cancerous condition of the gums.
You will have noticed that epically bright light the dentist shines into the mouth? That's so they can see everything. If there was a problem in your gums, they'd see it. Dentists check gum health as well as your teeth, jaw, tongue etc
So why this particular cancer? Do you know someone with this cancer? Have you read a story about it recently? A storyline on TV?
I seem to get stuck in a kind of loop of scaring myself: look for or notice a symptom,
Google it to dispel anxious obsession over it,
Doesn't work...
Google inevitably says it could be/is cancer
And this ^^^^^^ is why.
I bet that I could literally type in any symptom and Google will come up with cancer..
Does anyone else have any advice for this or struggle with it?
Most people on here have (or have had) health anxiety. You're in good company.
I have this fear that I will leave something too long or not get it checked out, and that it will turn out to be cancer that goes untreated, spreads, becomes terminal and then kills me.
My imagined cancer was always terminal too. My mind bypassed the fact that not everybody who develops cancer dies (such as our very own Fishmanpa) Or that cancer generally presents itself in a way that's not at all vague. My mother had cancer and she died cancer free. It didn't occur to me that the advances we are making in cancer research means that people with cancer are surviving for a lot longer. People who have cancer can still have full and happy lives, and for some people a cancer diagnosis is when they start living. My dad had cancer and some of the happiest memories I have of him are from that time. Cancer invades the body, not the soul. Cancer? He didn't have a say in that but he did have a say in his response. And when my dad left this world, it was peaceful and not at all 'scary'.
I have these unwanted repeated images of being diagnosed with cancer, of being told by the doctor that I am going to die, of dying young in a hostel having not lived my life, in pain and unable to console my loved ones, wishing I had only gotten it checked out by the doctor sooner.
Well, you're not exactly living your best life now are you? Your mind is constantly in a fearfully imagined future. So was mine. I was so convinced by my imaginary cancer that I planned my own funeral but that was also the time that I faced my fear and accepted whatever my fate was to be. As it was, there was no bowel cancer, just as there had never been any other cancer. Just as there had been no MS. No heart failure. No brain tumour. No melanoma. No horrors that I have ever imagined for myself have ever come to be..
I am so stuck and this is stopping me from living my life.
You need to address the HA at core level. You developed this MH condition for a reason. There is a cause. Maybe you lost someone you loved? A relative or friend? Mine started with my grandad's ill health. Later, it would be the thought of dying and leaving my autistic son that would bring me to my knees again and that was the biggy. It broke me for a bit and it was a long way back up. And all the time I was in that hell hole of my own mind, I had it in me to get myself out.
All I had to do was..
Accept my own mortality.
Understand that I cannot control when I die, only how I choose to live.
And that this moment is all I really have..
Have you had any therapy for this condition (HA) yet?
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A thought is harmless unless we believe it.