Needing a hug again

[MyNameIsTerry]

Life is really kicking you at the moment, Tracy. I know from speaking to you recently just how strong you are and how you take on a very large emotional load to help others come through. Just getting through shows great strength and going even further to help others demonstrates even more. It may not feel like it at times but what's inside you keeps you going.

I also remember you have a great partner who will be there for you no matter what. So no matter how tough it gets you won't go through it alone. But I do hope everything gets better and your loved ones get better.

[Pkstracy]

THanks Terry sorry I haven't been on to reply, been tending to a very sick dog who is going to the vet tomorrow and may have to be put down, I'll be surprised if she makes it by morning or the day after. My Friend is out of the hospital and his Pneumonia is almost gone, he is still very weak. I am trying so much Terry to be strong still, I haven't slept much, I really need to start taking care of myself, yes my husband does what he can to help me and be there for me but he can only do so much. It will be a relief when my pup does go, she is 13, this year will be 14. She isn't herself anymore and barely eats.

[Carnation]

PK you are amazing! With what you've gone through recently and dealing with.

[Pkstracy]

THank you Carn, right now I am a sobbing mess, my girl was put to sleep this morning at nine am pst time.

[Carnation]

[Pkstracy]

Carn thank you it's 2:32 in the morning and I am feeling so alone right now. I have been crying almost nonstop, the past six months have been so hard. I just want to have a break now please please can I have a break from all the death. Please....

[Pkstracy]

I need a hug again, I am a sobbing mess just feeling so alone, and dealing with whatever is going on with me, COVID, Headcold I don't know..I can't smell or taste it's depressing me, I have seven, no wait, make that eight deaths now within a year June 6th 2023 a friend died, June 29th 2023 my mom died, August 2023 another friend died, they took their life, Nov 2023 we had to put my cat down, Jan 19th my dog had to be put down, Feb a friend died, March a friend died, July a friend died. I am exhausted I am dealing with my own personal stuff that I haven't talked about on here or to anyone. I am missing my mom so much right now. I also have this fear that I am going to lose my husband next, every day I ask him how he is feeling, I hear him cough and think something is wrong with him. right now I can hear him in the other room coughing and I am like is he sick now with something? I have this deep fear I am going to wake up and he is going to be gone. I know it's silly to think that, but it just randomly pops into my head. It's like every time I start to get back on track to take care of myself, like exercise, eating right, working on my mental health, something comes up and knocks me back, like with all the death and now me getting sick. I can't do it anymore, I am tired. oh great now my chromebook screen decides to break a hinge, for no reason..it just broke. I give up.

[Carnation]

A big hug PK

I know you feel it's all negative at the moment and life can do that. But it's not always going to be like that.
You are here for a reason and you have to remember that.
So hubby is coughing. I cough. Been coughing for decades. Coughing clears the lungs so his body is doing a good job.
You've been through a lot, I know that, I'm not surprised you feel the way you do. And believe me it takes a long while to get over losing your mum.
Take it one day at a time PK

[Pkstracy]

Thanks carn if we were in the same room and you were hugging me I would be a sobbing mess all over you. I miss her so much, my mom that is.

[Carnation]

If I was in the room with you PK I would be comforting you, so you'll have to do with on here.
It's normal to feel the sadness over your mum and I was worse further down the line. It's also healthy to release your emotions and we mainly do that by having a good sob. It helped me to talk to mum as if she was in the room. Any guilt, any past regrets, your feelings, omg, I'm tearful now and it's been 7 years! Tell her how you are feeling and also tell her how you are going to make your life as joyous as possible, because she would want that, to know you are living your life that she gave you.