Thank you for your replies carnation, it’s good to speak on here to someone.

I’m waiting to have a cry but right now nothing has happened. It’s either anger, frustration, confused, guilt or just numb. My brothers and mum have let it all out but I can’t seem to right now.

Another thing I keep thinking of is all the arguments we had over the years, or all the stuff we said to each other and never mean in silly little rows.