I havent really posted since the site moved, as I had got much better really. I had a laparoscopy which showed nothing whatsoever, so I got on with my life and managed to do a nail course and landed a place in a brilliant salon where I now work self employed.
Things were really starting to look up, although I still had some anxiety I was coping better.
Then, on June 4th, my Mum died suddenly from a huge brain hemorrage. She went to work in the morning, happy as anything, but collapsed. By the time I was made aware and got to the hospital, she was being kept alive on a machine and we were told there was no chance of her ever coming out. So we had to let her go. The shock was just immense. I cant even explain how we got through it, I just cant.
My family flew over from Ireland, my friends and OH rallied round, I went back to work after a couple of weeks, still wobbly but ok considering. Bit panicky, but I was coping.
But now, panic has struck again. I have been ill with a tummy bug for a week, and I so missed my Mum during this, it was awful. I was hysterical most days.
Then, I went to the opticians on Saturday, as I needed my routine eye test but also one of my eyes has been feeling a bit swollen and achey.
The optician checked my eyes, my sight hasnt changed in 6 years which is fab, but she couldnt see what was wrong with my achey eye, so she got another optician in to have a look.
The second optician said that the optic nerve in my achey eye is slightly different to my other eye, and that I needed to be referred urgently. She didnt say why, but I just burst into tears and told them about my Mum. They said not to worry, the difference was so slight that it could be nothing or I could have always been like that, but I am now terrified I have a tumour!
To make matters worse, as I left the opticians, the first optician said "if your symptoms (headaches and acheyness around the eye) get any worse, just go straight to A&E".
Well that just put the fear of God into me.
Every little twinge in my head is freaking me out now. I have to wait until my GP gets the letter, then go see them, then wait to get referred. It could take weeks, even months, and I'll be going round thinking I am a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode.
I know that if it was really bad they would have just sent me to hospital straight away, but I cant stop thinking about it, I am so frightened.
I just dont think I can take any more bad news right now.