Well it was so hard to think were to put this so if it’s wrong then please feel free to move.
I have come to the conclusion over the past few days that life is way to short to waste it on any amount of anxiety.
Work has been fantastic and yesterday I was promoted to head of dentistry and to say I felt overwhelmed would be an understatement, I was just about to go for lunch with some work friends when the call came that I was dreading you see my dad has been unwell for a few months and this call was to tell me the outcome and that outcome is my dad has been given 4 months to live as he has terminal lung cancer.
After the shock and complete disbelief of it all I arranged to take a few days off to be with my mum and dad, driving home it dawned on me that for the past 10 or so years I have completely wasted my life and a huge sum of money trying to get over this anxiety. I have come a long way in the past few months like going out on my own, getting a very good job driving (the list is endless) and like a bolt from no were the anxiety came flooding back for a split moment I was engulfed in the panic then in a fit of anger I told it to F**K off.
Why does it pray on people that are weak that’s when I said out load NO MORE never again will I be a slave to this god dame game never will I fear going out, being me. So to all you wonderful people just so NO. It may seem hard that you can have your old life back but you can and will. Don’t waste your time living in a perpetual sate of anxiety. It won’t kill you or make you unwell it’s just a state of mind.
Looking at my dad last night gave me hope in an odd kind of way; he has been my rock, my friend and the best dad in the world. This will be his last spring and last summer with us and then he will be gone never to return to his family to the people that he love’s. That’s how final it is and life is way to short and precious to waste on something as trivial as anxiety. Don’t wait until something life changing happens for you to see the real picture.
So I bid you all farewell as this is me closing the chapter on my old life of anxiety and as much as I have enjoyed and needed to come hear I feel that this is the last thing that needs to go. Thank you all for your kindness over the years and for the friends that have come and gone.
May the lord light the road that lies before you all?
Sam x