Long story but will make it short and have kept this to myself for so long.
Met a guy over three years ago and believe it or not didnt know he was married but in time found out. Wrong i know but been week and vunerable didnt walk away but he also knew how i was and maybe took advantage of that.
We were together for two and a half years and he to me was my soul mate. His wife found out just before Christmas which i know was harsh for her and the guilt that i felt affected me as although i did wrong did affect me. So when she found out it ended, i picked up the pieces and tried to move on. Wasnt easy seeing him at work and even now still hurts.
I needed answers to questions that only he could give me but pride wouldnt let me ask him. Basically i was a fool but he promised me the earth and i believed him. So that happened last November and since then he has tried to be my friend. Fine if we had talked it through and he had answered my questions but i couldnt accept that without an expanation. He supported me through my illness and to suddenly lose that was a bigger hurt.
Have been want to ask him for ages how he felt and why after been together for nearly 3 years how he could walk away and made what we had seem such a farce. So for some reason it all came out tonight, he said something as i had worked late and i just asked him why we had never talked about what had happened. He asked about Sam and was shocked how my life had changed,
He said that we had never had the opportunity to talk but after nearly a year thats a lame excuse.
I know the questions i have for him wont make me feel any better but they need to be asked.
He also said that he has felt like me for the last year and wanted to talk but didnt dare call me.
May sound stupid and i am opening myself up to hurt again but i do need to talk and i need answers.
I know what i did was wrong and people on here will judge me but i never chose the fall in love with him.
Will talk to him but cant imagaine how i will cope hearing his response.
Been honest still love him to bits but know i had to move on and did. But tonight after a late escort that i took out he was in office and he stroked back of my head as mates do for getting him out of **** as he is in charges of the prison.
Before you all judge me, wouldnt go back and realise the mistake i made. Couldnt stop my feelings and even now i cant.
Love Sal xxxxx