Suffer from GAD/Depression/Panic - as alot of you already probably know!
Have been feeling alot better recently, but anxiety is still very phasey and i know i am slipping into a bad phase at present. I thought i was better but i now realise im not - maybe this is as good as it gets?
Whats really bothering me at the moment is that during the day time the children go to school, my partner goes to work and i am left alone and thats when the anxiety gets worse, me stuck with my own thoughts - problem is i cant see a way out of this! Im not working as it was all too much for me, ive been thinking about getting another job but i dont think i could handle it, my friends are all at work during the day so im alone. So what am i going to do with the rest of my life? I cant work, im alone during the day so the anxiety gets worse, i can see no hope at the moment. I have no confidence in myself and dont trust myself with myself - does anyone else understand that?
Im just so confused at the moment, just had a panic attack and feel so alone and sad, sometimes i really believe i might get better but then i see how my life really is and i cant see how i will. To be busy during the day i need a job but i cant handle a job!!!!
Does anyone else feel the same? How can i see that i am worthy? How can i see that the future can be bright when i cant even imagine ever leading what other people consider a normal life? So do i just sit here everyday searching the web for cures or walking round town waiting until the hours have passed and i have to pick the children up? How can i be happy in my own company?
Im dreading monday and the week ahead knowing that after the weekend i'll be alone again and the anxiety will all start up again (thats if it doesnt ruin the weekend, which it feels like it might at the moment).
Maybe this really is as good as it gets?
Sorry for rambling...... but it helps
Charlie (Popsy) x x x