Hi, no how you feel.
You're dealing with so much and desserve at least a medal!! I've got my elderly mum living with me - totally dependant but I respect her wishes not to go into a home fulltime even though she has hated me all my life. She doesn't respect me for this (to the contrary) but I do my best not that it does me any good, but talking to people like you makes me feel better. I have taken medication for years, and struggle through. Hope things look up for you