Hi Everyone,
Sorry I haven't been on the forum for a few days but I have had a really bad time this week. The last time I posted I was feeling really low and anxious about things and everything seemed to be getting on top of me - well on Tuesday I had just had enough, me and my boyfriend had a blazing row about our financial situation and he made me feel like crap as he thinks that I should get a job to make life easier for him so he doesn't have to work as much, he thinks I can just walk out the door and walk straight into a job. He blamed me for lots of things but far too much went on to go into detail - anyway things came to a head and I could feel the anger and anxiety building, i felt like punching him as he said some really nasty things so instead of punching him I went into the kitchen and took it out on the dirty dishes in the sink and just smashed them all which resulted in me cutting my hand quite badly , he then came into the kitchen and just laughed at me which made me even more angry so I stormed out and went to my mum's house with my hand still bleeding and just sobbed my heart out. My mum cleaned my hand up and bandaged it and we had a good heart to heart and I got a lot off my chest about how I was feeling. I went back home about 11.30 Tuesday night and he had gone to bed so I slept on the sofa, we didn't speak all day Wednesday and when he came home from work he gave me the silent treatment for a couple of hours and then said "How's your hand?" I then burst into tears and he apologised and said he was just tired and that he was fed up of having to work 6 days a week with nothing to show at the end of it( we have alot of debts to pay).
Since this happened I have been feeling really anxious and depressed and feel like he has knocked my confidence that I had took so long to build up again, I feel really under pressure to get a job and feel in a hopless situation. I think I have mentioned before that both my children have been off school for the last 2 weeks with chicken pox, well guess what? I now have shingles on my face which appeared yesterday so I am in quite a lot of pain and am wondering whether I have got it because I feel so low. I thought that once the kids go back to school on Monday that I could start to get back to normal with everything, such as the housework, college etc but now I have no chance. The last time I had shingles was just after my son was born in September 2000 and was ill with it for about 6 weeks, it affected the whole left side of my face and my left eye completely swelled it looked like I had been in a fight. It isn't as bad as that yet but it is only day 2 and the doctor said it will get alot worse before it gets better. I now won't be able to go to college again for the 3rd week running and am afraid I will fail the course now as there is only 3 weeks left and I have already missed so much work. I feel like my life is out of control again and am afraid of the anxiety and depression returning to the point where I can't function anymore.
Anyway sorry I'ts such a long post and I am grateful for all the support I have had on this site, it is the only thing thats keeping me sane at the moment as I know I can come here and get my feelings out and feel like everyone understands me.
I would really appreciate any advice as to how I can get back on track with my life evern though I know there is no magic solution I would still appreciate any comments.
Thanks for listening everyone and take care,
Love Lisaxx