Today has been one of the most scariest days. I had bloods taken yesterday and today they rang me asking for me to come in urgently. The doctor i spoke to didnt give me any information apart from that i would need an urgent referral, but failed to mention who to and what for.
My anxiety, as you can imagone, hit the roof, it was the first time that i have contempleted suicide. I know some make think thats selfish especially as i have 2 wonderful children and an amazing family, but i couldnt bear for them to go through another year like last. Some of you will know that i have had an awful year of illness, but todays results doesnt look like thats over with yet.
I will need you all now more than i ever have.
I am trying so hard to stay positive and have realised that i have all the support i need from my family and friends.
Today has been so hard and i ask for as much support that you guys can give.
I have to say a public thank you and apologies to smiley - who after listening to me scream down the phone in fear, didnt once shout back or tell me i will be fine, but told me wat i needed to hear which was she would be scared too- hearing that made me feel a little normal (anyone who has been there will understand that). She was one of my rocks today and i know she will be there with me every step of the way.Love ya loads h.
Thank you also to Bumbles and Joan who text me and rang me, telling me its ok and reassuring me that i wasnt alone.
Thank you for reading this and please give me just a little hug.
Love you all xxxxxx