Hi Caral

Yes I have days when I daydream about our own baby, and what they would look like etc. That is the "normal" part of me. I guess its what every other woman experiences, looking forward to babies.I have loved watching my nephew grow up. However I know my reaction would take the panic course, just like in most other situations. Rather than get excited about things ( we are looking to buy a house at the moment) My body is reacting with dread and panic and just a tiny bit of excitement, when it should be the other way around.

To be really honest, I don't know how I would feel with a person growing inside me, getting bigger and bigger, kicking away. That in itself freaks me out so how would I cope with 9 months! I wish I was one of those women who didn't know they were pregnant until they went into labour.

I also feel that a baby would take my focus away from me so it would help me not to be so negative. I know I am less anxious when I look after my nephew as I am not thinking about myself.

My boyfriend is happy either with or without a baby so no pressure there, I just feel the pressure on myself.

Denise, what you have written about maternal instinct etc is what everyone keeps telling me will happen, but Im just scared that with me it wont and I'll feel taken over by an "alien" rather than bonding with the baby. I just couldn't face an abortion if I could calm down. Its the one thing I envy in "normal" women, the ability to have children without all the angst. You do give me hope though Denise, if you managed to do it, I suppose it all depends on how bad your anxiety was at the time.