Citalopram - I am human again!

[humanagain]

Finally got round to returning here, I spent hours and hours in the shadows of this forum, when my brain decided to go into melt down.

Long story short, my life has been full of ups and a lot of downs. Brother died, became distant father to my amazing son, work stress, new relationship stress etc. etc. etc.

My brain gave in when i didn't know where my son had gone on holiday and i drank half a bottle of bacardi one night. I awoke very different.

Nervous, intrusive thoughts, pacing around, paranoid, repetitive, OCD in my thought patterns, running horses on the chest, night waking. Thought I was better dead, could really see no end, couldn't even focus to drive which is really odd. Doctor was very calm, too calm, but not as helpful as I needed him to be. I needed him to see my plight, and join me.

I thought that was it, I was going to go mad. It definitely felt like madness, I threatened the doctor with marching to the local nuthouse at one point. I never thought these issues where real, or could be real. Would spend days with head under a pillow wanting relentless thoughts to go away. To no avail.

Went on Sertaline for a while, hells teeth. Then onto other SSID, made me better. Six months in I came off, and I relapsed as soon as life got stressful again. Back to square one.

Had a few expensive counseling sessions, which i'm not sure helped, I'd like to say yes. But all seemed to start to heal when i took citralopram.

First few weeks where hell beyond any belief, the warnings on the packet are NOT enough, there should be BIG warnings...internet links and youtube videos for support. It is very difficult to stick with them!!! VERY! Only thing that kept me going was HERE, and a very supportive and patient Wife. and I'm not sure what else, god or fate or time or something.

Anyway, after that 1st few weeks (10-14 days I seem to remember).

All started to feel normal(ish) again.

Yeah side effects, odd sleeping patterns, I felt like i never got a good night, night waking. A little starey, dazed. Takes ages to reach orgasm (frustrating for myself and wife, even though she didn't mention it).

But they all passed for me after about 4 months. All except the sexual side effects, which was a bit of a pain.

Well over a year of healing, and i am off them (slowly, slowly). All is good and I return to say: The night is darkest, just before the dawn. You will heal, it will come. Your old self is waiting. Give it time. Talk to people that know you well and are open minded enough to understand as much as they can. Not all people are willing to do this I found.

Any advice, or just someone to listen. PM me.

A very human again,
Ian

[Kendra]

Hi Ian,

Just had to say, WELL DONE!!! You have come along way!!! You have given me hope this afternoon reading this. I have been 2 months on 10mg and just upped to 20mg on Monday!! Still not feeling like my normal self but maybe halfway there!!

Still full of fear and anxious just want my life back!!

Thank you so much for posting!! Please keep us updated how you are getting on!!

So you would say 4 month and you started feeling better??

Thank you for the hope!!

Kendra xxx

[LAURA48]

Thanks Ian for posting that thread gives us all hope.

My life has been on hold since Oct 2011 - some very very dark days with no hope. Finally paid to see a shrink and prescribed Citalopram (OCD) Pure. Been on it just over a week and no nasty side effects - well as yet.

Really appreciate posting something positive as the above post (Kendra) upped at the same time - just want my old life back!

All the best for the future matey Laura xxxxxx

[mizfiesta]

Well done Ian. I've been on Cit since August 2011. Gradually had dosed increased and from May 2nd was put up to 40mg as my mood has darkened the past couple of weeks. If they do start working efficiently I plan to stay on them for a long time. I'm taking no chances.

I hope you're recovery keeps continuing.

[Al1975]

Hi Ian,

It's reading these good news posts that really gives alot of hope to the rest of us.

Citalopram ain't easy for some people to get used to, myself included, but for those of us it agrees with, its worth going through the initial rough few weeks to achieve a sense of peace. Only thing I can say to those who are considering giving up meds due to side effects is to keep in touch with your GP, and never lose sight of the endgame:your old self back

Cheers!!

[Rixs]

I have been on citalopram so long now i can't remember the original side effects... sleep disturbance and a bit of excessive sweating..yuk, but i have been taking it for years (about 4) and it just keeps me even, stops all the panic attacks and even stops me self medicating ;-) with alcohol, trouble is i can't stop taking it now. is that a bad thing? if i feel ok?

[Al1975]

Guess you would need to have a chat with your GP. I take it you have tried to stop taking the meds?

[humanagain]

I'm back here I'm sad to say.

Mum died at Christmas after a very short battle with Cancer. I had a funny feeling it would return. I thought I could get through it medicationless. But i think my wife and kids have suffered enough this year now.

Time to see a doc. Thursday appointment it is then.

Wonder what time I will wake up tonight. I found a repeat of the silent mantra "This is not real, this is just a side effect of a deep seated anxiety illness" made the symptoms retreat and I was able to get back to sleep.

[mizfiesta]

Hi Ian, sorry for the loss of your Mum. I think the best of us would go under in those circumstances. Are you going to go back on Citalopram?

I'm currently tapering off it. I was on 40mg but it stopped working for me and my depression reared it's ugly head. Low level constant anxiety was ALWAYS there but I think it was getting out of hand to. I've decided if it's not helping to get off it. My mum thinks it's making me worse. I guess those around us who know us well are good judges.

I know you've came of it before successfully and I'd like to know how you went about reducing your dose and how you found it? Sorry for seeking advice from you when you're ill yourself.

Best of luck at the GP's and hopefully you'll be on your way to recovery

[Tufty]

Hello Ian,

I started reading from the top of this thread and your first post brought tears to my eyes and I'm not usually very emotional, it was your advice at the end and offer of help to anyone that stood out.

I hope you have re read those wise words you posted especially the part about your old self is waiting, which is still true. I'm sorry about you loosing your Mum, that is hard for anyone. From your most recent post it sounds like you have learnt a lot about dealing with anxiety and your night time mantra is great.

Good luck at the doctors and remember you will get better, take one minute at a time and don't look forward or back - just be in this minute and you will be OK.

Take care
Sam