View Full Version : I know I'm posting again but I'm worried about my eyes
The work that you started here? What has happened to this?
I spoke to my therapist and told her I'm struggling to do the work my panic is so bad.
She is going to speak to me Wednesday to discuss things as my doctor told me to email her so I'm hoping she will be able to help
If I was making NO effort to personally control this my kids wouldn't be going to school everyday with clean clothes, packed lunches, school work done, dinner on the table when they get home and I wouldn't be taking new medication and keeping in touch with my doctor. Every part of my effort in controlling this is looking after my home and my kids and that's being done regardless of how I feel. I'm a single mum, I get no help with childcare so it all falls onto me.
If you have ever had severe uncontrollable panic then you'd understand how hard it is to stop yourself boiling over like a cauldron which is what would happen if I didn't confide in people close to me.
Isn't that what friendships and family are about??
I know my friend and my mum very well, and trust me when I say I am always on top of how they're feeling too, they aren't afraid to tell me when they've had enough, my mum especially who has dealt with my health anxiety for almost 15 years. My mum hasn't been in the position to support me many times due to her mental health but she's started new medication recently and that has helped her to help me.
You talk about the straw breaking the camels back, how do you know you're not that straw to me?
How do you know that your posts today haven't done more damage than good. Like i said before some of the points you're making I agree with, but my god there is a way to speak to someone who is feeling vulnerable. This is after all, a health anxiety forum and we all suffer the same. I have taken on some of your advice and my advice to you would be to step back and just please think before making potentially harmful statements.
This is just an observation and I want you to take note of this Chlobo.... Compared to just about every other post in the years you've been here, this comes across as a completely different person. This is not the reiteration of symptoms nor reassurance seeking. This truly sounds like a different person. I've seen this before here with serial posters. When the poo hits the fan and when smacked upside the head and challenged, a different person seems to respond. And honestly, I see what you're doing concerning laying a guilt trip but the reality is, despite the delivery, which I agree was a bit on the harsh side, Sar89 does have a valid point and I do think her intentions were good.
That said, it shows me that deep down you know what the deal is. I get it, you're struggling but if you possess the inner fortitude to respond to the challenges presented to you here, you certainly have the inner fortitude to challenge your dragon.
You've taken positive steps with medication and seeking therapy and real life help but its posting on a forum and seeking reassurance that you know full well doesn't work that need to be addressed as well. Think of it like an alcoholic that still drinks even when going top AA meetings. You're setting yourself up for failure if you continue the behaviors that got you here.
And it bears repeating that your reply to Sar89 affirms that there is a Chlobo inside that can fight for herself.
Just some food for thought :winks:
FMP
Everytime I get past a symptom and I start to calm down, I put my all into therapy and then something else comes up and I have this total sheer panic. Everytime I get my head into therapy something comes along and I think 'this is real' I feel like I'm waiting to get seriously sick.
I am so afraid of leaving my kids without a mum, and that's what scares me so much. My 8 year old daughter is currently being assessed for learning difficulties. I can't bare the thought of dying when they're so young, and that's what frightens me to death every single day, the thought of mummy being gone, I just cannot bare it.
The last few months it has been one thing after another, maybe a weeks break in between where I can sort of carry on and the anxiety sort of simmers.
I just feel like the 'feeling' of needing to wee has changed, the sensation has changed and it isn't the same as what it used to be. I'm silly for googling because that's why I'm here now in another state.
The doctor wasn't concerned about what I told him but when something changes in your body it's scary as hell isn't it. I'm sure that when I needed to pee I used to get more of a feeling in my bits rather than just bladder pressure. And yes I agree health anxiety can be a very selfish thing, but mine is more related to my children and them needing me.
Hey Chlobo, so Iv just read ur message and I want you to type in sarah1989 into the search bar and read my old threads. I sound rather like you in them Iv just been reading them. As something you said struck a chord with me which is the can’t bear the thought of dying with them being so young. Now that I can truly understand. It still to this day sends a flood of panic into my body if I think about it deeply. Years ago it used to make me really unwell ruminating on my impending death. Put it this way I didn’t think I would make it to 2022. I do stand by what I said Chloe in the you need to get a grip. People think it’s harsh but at some point all of us anxiety sufferers do need to get a grip and haul ourselves out of the pit we find ourselves screaming at the bottom of. No medical intervention in the world can make you better unless you give 100% and go in with the right attitude. I think it’s also important to note that you will never go back to the old you before anxiety as that person doesn’t exist.. I’m not saying that’s what you expect but I do see a lot of people have that wish and that was one of my main wishes. Anxiety will always be there it’s the most faithful companion you will ever have. However you CAN control it. You just need to get your mind right and in the game. Do have a peruse through my old posts I think they will resonate with you. Sarah
No medical intervention in the world can make you better unless you give 100% and go in with the right attitude.
" Life is 10% what happens to us, 90% how we handle it." - Charles Swindoll
FMP
Never a truer word was spoken. Fishmanpa I’m having a read of all my old hysterical posts on my old profile sarah1989… the ruminations of a lunatic they are basically and I want to thank you. You always had time and patience with me even when I frankly didn’t deserve it. You actually really made a significant impact on my anxiety. I wrote a lot on the forum but there was also a hell of a lot of things that I wouldn’t write. I remember I sometimes used to just go through my posts and read your replies and even the tone with which you wrote would calm me down enough to have some rational thoughts. I would always feel relief reading your replies and what strikes me now reading back is you never ever replied back giving me reassurance for the symptoms I would have. I believe u refused to feed into my spiral beast. You are such an iconic figure on NMP and I hope you continue to have an impact on people. Sarah
Never a truer word was spoken. Fishmanpa I’m having a read of all my old hysterical posts on my old profile sarah1989… the ruminations of a lunatic they are basically and I want to thank you. You always had time and patience with me even when I frankly didn’t deserve it. You actually really made a significant impact on my anxiety. I wrote a lot on the forum but there was also a hell of a lot of things that I wouldn’t write. I remember I sometimes used to just go through my posts and read your replies and even the tone with which you wrote would calm me down enough to have some rational thoughts. I would always feel relief reading your replies and what strikes me now reading back is you never ever replied back giving me reassurance for the symptoms I would have. I believe u refused to feed into my spiral beast. You are such an iconic figure on NMP and I hope you continue to have an impact on people. Sarah
From the bottom of my heart, I truly appreciate your kind words. I went back and looked at some of my posts through the years, all the people I responded to, many of which I stay in touch with through Facebook, And I'm happy to have stuck around as long as I have (especially with my health issues!). So I was looking at some of my replies to you through the years and yeah, I told it like it was for sure. May not have been the tea and sympathy you were seeking but it was real based on my own personal experiences :winks:
I came across this reply in one of the threads you posted and I thought I'd copy it here because its so relevant to the situation. And its interesting, as a father of a daughter with severe anxiety and depression, When I look back at my posts. I said pretty much the same things in the same way to her. If she was being ridiculous, I didn't hesitate to tell her. I'd be there to make sure she was Ok but I also literally forced her to breathe and get a hold of herself. There were many a night on the phone with her getting her to focus on simple breathing as her anxiety was so out of control. But we got there and are still getting there.
I started the thread called "My Daughter's Journey" (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?247227-My-Daughter-s-Journey). She's been journaling her pledge to address the dragon and I asked her if I could post some of her thoughts and she said yes. Of course, I will forego any personal information etc. but I thought it would be inspiration to others fighting the dragon. She has support in her family and professionally and she fights hard every day but she also knows just how damn hard it is but still comes back every day. And as I said, the way I speak to her is much the way I am here.
Anyway... here's the reply....
I take it the 1989 is your birth year. That makes you my son's age. As a parent of a daughter who suffers from anxiety and depression, I've had to juggle being a parent, therapist and friend. I'll tell you what I told my daughter when she came to me with her issues... "Get help!" Fortunately, I, along with her mother made sure she did. She takes meds and goes to therapy. She had a few rough times, took some time to heal and moved on, graduating college in December and just landing her first job in the field she loves (teaching pre-school and kindergarten). She still has her moments but she also has the tools to deal with them.
These are just words on a screen but if they can motivate you to take the steps toward healing, it's worth typing them. Ultimately, this is up to you TAKE THE MEDS! Deal with the start up side effects and allow them to start working. As they do, it will enable you to do more. Meds aren't the end all to end all. They're a crutch until you're strong enough to walk on your own. And if you need that crutch for a while? So what?
You say you don't now what to do anymore. Obviously, what you're currently doing isn't working so you have to try something else. It's been placed in front of you. The choice is yours to make. Make the obvious choice!
Positive thoughts
FMP
Wow, that exchange was a wonderful thing to wake up to. I worry a lot that I'm too unkind on the forums here. In the end, though, no matter how much I sobbed and fretted about it at the time when my husband refused to offer constant reassurance, a reality check was the only thing that worked. It was certainly what finally made me realise I had to take responsibility and get my phobic a$$ to the doctor.
Chlobo, I agree we've seen a different side to you when you responded to these harsher posts. It's coherent, eloquent and intelligent - a smart, sensible person taking control of the situation. This is who you really are, and thus is the person who can deal with your health anxiety. As FMP has pointed out, you're not helpless when you genuinely feel threatened.
Keep that in mind on your journey.
I remember that particular reply FMP think you had got abit sick of my shit one day 🤣 I appreciate you and you made an impact on my life at a time someone needed to. So from the bottom of my heart as I said, Thankyou so much. Also Blueiris, Thankyou also ! For seeing someone in need and reaching out despite having your own problems and also a bit of ‘burnout’ from offering so much invaluable advice and time on this page. You are appreciated also. Now Chloe, about that grip you need to get of yourself, my advice would be get a diary today and start scrawling in it. Get on YouTube and watch some short meditation or yoga for beginners, leave your mum alone abit, plaster a smile on even when you really don’t feel like it and take the opportunity to re-evaluate what you Chloe want as person out of your life. Forget the anxiety where do you want to be in say 1 years time? And start working towards it. People on this page are always here to support but you have to as I have repeatedly said take some responsibility for yourself and your recovery at this point. Sarah
I spoke to my therapist and told her I'm struggling to do the work my panic is so bad.
She is going to speak to me Wednesday to discuss things as my doctor told me to email her so I'm hoping she will be able to help
So you don't need to fill in any new application form as you are already having therapy and if this therapist feels that you are too anxious to engage in CBT then she will speak to her colleagues for advice as to the next step if there needs to be one.
Hi everyone, I'll respond to everyone on this post. I hope that's okay, I just thought it would be easier...
Sar - I have read all of your previous posts, I have bought a diary to write things down in, and I have been working on calming breathing exercises.
Do you feel like you have come a long way since those posts? Do you still feel the same level of anxiety now as you did then?
Fishman - I do have fight in me, and I do want to get better, but a part of getting better is accepting the physical symptoms are anxiety and honestly I struggle to accept that, and that's why I struggle with CBT because it's accepting feelings as anxiety and working on that, rather than believing you have a physical illness.
I'm in a bad place and I have been for months with my anxiety in general. I am definitely always going to be an anxious person when it comes to illness and doctors, but I'd definitely like to be able to control it better, and perhaps be able to go for straightforward tests without feeling so frightened.
Blue - you have been a constant on my threads and I do appreciate that, sometimes you can be a little straight to the point but that doesn't bother me, I appreciate your advice the same as I do Fishmans.
I am definitely not helpless, but like I said to fish I struggle to accept that physical sensations are always anxiety and that's the issue. If I could feel a sensation and move past it that would definitely help with succeeding in my CBT and panic episodes.
Pulisa- My doctor asked me to do both, he asked me to speak to my current therapist to see if she could offer something else, But also to fill out my referral from which is for a different mental health team. The tools I have been given to use to ease my health anxiety I struggle with, most of them are distraction techniques but the anxiety is more powerful than the distractions it seems, what I seem to experience is a lot of blind panic, where I'm like a headless chicken and that can happen in seconds. My brain definitely needs 'training' to not go from 1 to 1000 and sheet panic in seconds. But that's something I have never been able to effectively manage.
I have edited this to add if anyone wanted to chat private message would be best to exchange details
I wrote a log yesterday of my bladder habits.
6.30 - first wee, I didn't really need to go but I did as routine.
7am - a half cup of tea (didn't have time to drink it all)
10am - a half pint of squash.
3pm - a half pint of squash
5pm - A coffee
7pm - a half pint of squash.
At 5 I could feel that my bladder was starting to get full and I felt some slight sensation to go.
At 9pm I had real urgency when sitting down, not so much when I stood up and walked around but I couldn't sit down as was uncomfortable so I finally went to pee.
This log of my bladder habits will probably be frowned upon. But I wanted to see if that seemed normal. I went for a wee twice yesterday in total.
I think you maybe need to increase your fluid intake?
Can't find you on FB, but if you message me I'll give you my details as my name's more unusual than yours.
I think you'll find, as was the case for me, that when the meds start to do what they are supposed to do all of the anxiety techniques will become a lot easier to implement.
I think you maybe need to increase your fluid intake?
Can't find you on FB, but if you message me I'll give you my details as my name's more unusual than yours.
I'll message you.
I'm not sure, I don't drink loads as I'm not an over thirsty person. I felt the urge to urinate, but it wasn't until my bladder was clearly full. This is where the thoughts of neurogenic bladder come into play.
I think you'll find, as was the case for me, that when the meds start to do what they are supposed to do all of the anxiety techniques will become a lot easier to implement.
That's helpful to know poppy.
What do you take if you don't mind me asking?
I have been taking Sertraline 25mg now for a week.
Currently it's giving me an upset stomach in the mornings.
I started my cycle and it finished, but the last three days I have been losing brown old blood.
I read that sertraline can affect the menstrual cycle, but it's made me feel very anxious as my cycles are never irregular.
I spoke to my therapist and told her I'm struggling to do the work my panic is so bad.
She is going to speak to me Wednesday to discuss things as my doctor told me to email her so I'm hoping she will be able to help
What did this therapist suggest today, Chloe?
What did this therapist suggest today, Chloe?
So I will copy what she said in her email to this post:
Hi Chloe ,
I understand that it is difficult for you. I am glad you have been able to seek support from your GP. A medication review would be helpful.
I am sorry that you are unable to attend when you are feeling anxious and don’t feel that CBT is currently making a difference.
When you are in crisis and feel unable to keep yourself safe please do call the First Response service on 111 option 2 for crisis support ,they are available 24/7.
I have also attached a booklet with more helpful techniques to support you to manage your emotions and tolerate distress when you are feeling vulnerable.
I guess given the fact that currently you are unable to attend consistently enough for CBT to have full efficacy what we could do to help. I guess we have 2 options .
We could end our sessions and you could refer again later once your new medication has made your anxiety levels more tolerable. Or we could complete the remaining 5 sessions alongside the medication with the understanding that missed appointments won’t be replaced.
What would you like to do?
That's helpful to know poppy.
What do you take if you don't mind me asking?
Currently nothing as in the pandemic I missed appointments with my psychiatrist and never restarted. I think I would be doing even better with the help of meds, but I'm not doing too terribly without aside from some missteps.
I started with escitalopram for awhile and then moved on to fluoxetine. It took me a few weeks after starting initially to get through the side effects, but once I got through that part (with some help from clonazepam) it went a lot better.
I still do occasionally have those moments of sheer panic, but while I was on medication I was able to do CBT and other things that helped me at that time and now that I'm not on medication it's still a lot easier to ride those moments out and there is clarity on the other side, which is nice. I do still seek reassurance sometimes, I think nearly everyone does, but it's night and day.
Keeping a journal has been really helpful for my anxiety because I'm able to get things out by writing them down, and I can go back weeks later and see the things I've survived that I was sure at the time were impending doom.
I hope you get things sorted with your therapist.
Pamplemousse
09-02-22, 21:57
Keeping a journal has been really helpful for my anxiety because I'm able to get things out by writing them down, and I can go back weeks later and see the things I've survived that I was sure at the time were impending doom.
Now, funnily enough I've been thinking about keeping an "ailments diary" for a long time as once I've gained a new symptom/feeling/whatever, I forget the last one and can never remember "have I had this before?". For a long time I thought it might be a bad idea: well, I bought a small pocket diary at the beginning of the year (the "week to a view" sort with a little pencil down the spine) with a mind to it becoming notes for "worry time".
I didn't set aside any real "worry time" because my lifestyle is a bit chaotic, but just writing the feelings, fears and everything else down has been very helpful for me in rationalising those concerns and later, putting things behind me. Already I am wishing I'd started this sooner.
nomorepanic
09-02-22, 22:15
I really don't think you should be posting your real name on here Chloe as it is an open forum so anyone can see your full name now.
WorryRaptor
09-02-22, 22:24
I agree. I'd definitely avoid posting your full name on a forum full of people you don't know. I'm sure most people here are lovely, but there's no real way of knowing! :scared15:
I also wanted to add if anyone would like to chat to me on Facebook my username is xxxxxx I'm from England. My photo is of myself and above is a photo of my children on a park perch.
My profile is private though just to add, so no information can be seen, but if I speak to you frequently on here I am happy to accept friend requests or chat. Even if anyone wanted reassurance that my children are okay, I can easily prove that through my social media. That they are well looked after and happy children.
I wrote a log yesterday of my bladder habits.
6.30 - first wee, I didn't really need to go but I did as routine.
7am - a half cup of tea (didn't have time to drink it all)
10am - a half pint of squash.
3pm - a half pint of squash
5pm - A coffee
7pm - a half pint of squash.
At 5 I could feel that my bladder was starting to get full and I felt some slight sensation to go.
At 9pm I had real urgency when sitting down, not so much when I stood up and walked around but I couldn't sit down as was uncomfortable so I finally went to pee.
This log of my bladder habits will probably be frowned upon. But I wanted to see if that seemed normal. I went for a wee twice yesterday in total.
This is the kind of post you really need to work on avoiding. The OCD aspects of your HA are quite apparent and the fact you documented in such detail shows where your attention and priorities are. I took Sertraline too for my depression after cancer (100mg) and the only side effect was dodgy bowels but within a few weeks, while I didn't necessarily feel much different, others around me noticed a positive change. Keep at it. It can take several weeks and dosage adjustments to get it to quell the anxiety.
I agree with the others about posting your personal information. There are many very concerned about your mental health and the safety of yourself and your children. Knowing who you are and your personal information could exacerbate that situation.
FMP
I really don't think you should be posting your real name on here Chloe as it is an open forum so anyone can see your full name now.
My profile is locked down and private so nothing can be seen, I just mentioned it as I thought it would be good for people to see that I'm an actual person not just a username you know
This is the kind of post you really need to work on avoiding. The OCD aspects of your HA are quite apparent and the fact you documented in such detail shows where your attention and priorities are. I took Sertraline too for my depression after cancer (100mg) and the only side effect was dodgy bowels but within a few weeks, while I didn't necessarily feel much different, others around me noticed a positive change. Keep at it. It can take several weeks and dosage adjustments to get it to quell the anxiety.
I agree with the others about posting your personal information. There are many very concerned about your mental health and the safety of yourself and your children. Knowing who you are and your personal information could exacerbate that situation.
FMP
Yeah it wasn't a pleasant day writing that out for sure.
I was meant to start the sertraline at 50mg but I have been cutting it in half because I wanted to start off slower than that.
I'm not feeling much better, in fact I feel worse right now.
I've got this heavy feeling in my legs, at the top. My thigh muscles seem really heavy. I notice it when I walk. My lower back feels strange. Could this be anxiety?
I've suffered heaviness before but I also had the same feeling yesterday. It's just scary because obviously my current fear right now can affect your legs.
I agree. I'd definitely avoid posting your full name on a forum full of people you don't know. I'm sure most people here are lovely, but there's no real way of knowing! :scared15:
Okay I'll delete the full name, you're probably right
I've taken my full name off now.
I'm just feeling really crap this morning, horrible intrusive thoughts. My legs feel so weird. I'm not sure if the sertraline could be a factor?
Yeah it wasn't a pleasant day writing that out for sure.
I was meant to start the sertraline at 50mg but I have been cutting it in half because I wanted to start off slower than that.
I'm not feeling much better, in fact I feel worse right now.
I've got this heavy feeling in my legs, at the top. My thigh muscles seem really heavy. I notice it when I walk. My lower back feels strange. Could this be anxiety?
I've suffered heaviness before but I also had the same feeling yesterday. It's just scary because obviously my current fear right now can affect your legs.
Right back to it eh? :doh: This is just too sad :weep: You take care......
FMP
So I will copy what she said in her email to this post:
Hi Chloe ,
I understand that it is difficult for you. I am glad you have been able to seek support from your GP. A medication review would be helpful.
I am sorry that you are unable to attend when you are feeling anxious and don’t feel that CBT is currently making a difference.
When you are in crisis and feel unable to keep yourself safe please do call the First Response service on 111 option 2 for crisis support ,they are available 24/7.
I have also attached a booklet with more helpful techniques to support you to manage your emotions and tolerate distress when you are feeling vulnerable.
I guess given the fact that currently you are unable to attend consistently enough for CBT to have full efficacy what we could do to help. I guess we have 2 options .
We could end our sessions and you could refer again later once your new medication has made your anxiety levels more tolerable. Or we could complete the remaining 5 sessions alongside the medication with the understanding that missed appointments won’t be replaced.
What would you like to do?
I think the booklet about managing emotions could be helpful and relevant. This therapist sounds good. She has set out the boundaries for what she can offer. It's up to you as to whether you want to continue with CBT. In my area you can't refer yourself again for 3 months. You may be offered a more specialised therapy if your GP or current therapist thought you needed to be referred to the Community Mental Health Team but this doesn't seem to be the case?
Pamplemousse
10-02-22, 17:29
I've taken my full name off now.
I'm just feeling really crap this morning, horrible intrusive thoughts. My legs feel so weird. I'm not sure if the sertraline could be a factor?
In all likelihood, yes. Sertraline really does seem to make people worse in many odd ways before it makes them better - it sent my blood pressure through the roof so now I'm on escitalopram.
Hi Chloe, sometimes I don’t feel I have come a long way but then I read back on my posts and know I have. I think I will always have anxiety about my health but I do know I have definitely learned to control it much better. I to struggle to accept sometimes the symptoms are anxiety rather than real. I have created a rule with myself that if I have new symptoms that iv never had before then I will see a gp. Other than that i tell myself it is anxiety. The difference I find is if I’m anxious I get more symptoms. The more hysterical I get the more the symptoms worsen. Also I find the more time I have on my hands the worse my mind plays tricks on me. Now don’t get me wrong some days I have terrible anxiety and it is really bad. I feel agitated, nervous, foot tapping away on the edge of tears… I feel like I’m hanging off the edge of a cliff waiting to be pushed but I just persevere through it by telling myself it will pass. Sometimes I take myself off to bed if I’m able and go back to sleep for abit. I find if I’m warm and snug under quilt the anxiety fades abit but then it’s hard to do that when you have kids and also I personally have to be careful sleeping all the time as I’m prone to depressive episodes. I didn’t find cbt effective myself. It did nothing for me. Iv got to this point just by perseverance and to be honest I reached an exhaustion point in my panic. PM if you need to talk. Sarah
to be honest I reached an exhaustion point in my panic.
I've found with my HA, I get to that point as well. Eventually I just get tired of obsessing over X and then it goes away. Early on something could last months, but now usually just a week or two and I'm done. Thankfully now when I'm done I actually am done instead of finding something else to ruminate over.
I've found with my HA, I get to that point as well. Eventually I just get tired of obsessing over X and then it goes away. Early on something could last months, but now usually just a week or two and I'm done. Thankfully now when I'm done I actually am done instead of finding something else to ruminate over. yeah me too. I could obsess for months over things and make myself really ill and depressed from it. Now I to focus on things for as you say a week or two and then I usually manage to snap out of it. It is a difficult fortnight for me yea but I have to use the tools I have learned over the years to calm myself. That is what Chloe needs to learn… the mantra of ‘this feeling shall pass like every other time’ x
Hi Chloe, sometimes I don’t feel I have come a long way but then I read back on my posts and know I have. I think I will always have anxiety about my health but I do know I have definitely learned to control it much better. I to struggle to accept sometimes the symptoms are anxiety rather than real. I have created a rule with myself that if I have new symptoms that iv never had before then I will see a gp. Other than that i tell myself it is anxiety. The difference I find is if I’m anxious I get more symptoms. The more hysterical I get the more the symptoms worsen. Also I find the more time I have on my hands the worse my mind plays tricks on me. Now don’t get me wrong some days I have terrible anxiety and it is really bad. I feel agitated, nervous, foot tapping away on the edge of tears… I feel like I’m hanging off the edge of a cliff waiting to be pushed but I just persevere through it by telling myself it will pass. Sometimes I take myself off to bed if I’m able and go back to sleep for abit. I find if I’m warm and snug under quilt the anxiety fades abit but then it’s hard to do that when you have kids and also I personally have to be careful sleeping all the time as I’m prone to depressive episodes. I didn’t find cbt effective myself. It did nothing for me. Iv got to this point just by perseverance and to be honest I reached an exhaustion point in my panic. PM if you need to talk. Sarah
I felt like I had come further a few years ago, but since I've hit my 30's things have gone really down hill again. I think this past year has been the absolute worst. As you can see by my thread it's literally been one thing after another, and the obsessions last months unless they are killed by a scan or a professional like a consultant.
I have these moments where I think 'god I'm being ridiculous' and then moments of sheer panic because I feel strange or another sensations pops up. Like now my legs feel really heavy and weird and they have done on and off for about three days.
I spoke to my doctor on the phone yesterday, it wasn't a long call but I was asking for reassurance. I didn't mention my legs, I wish I had done now.
I spoke to him about the sertraline and my upset tummy, spoke to him about my bladder again. I said to him in 4 weeks if I had a serious illness wouldn't we know by now, wouldn't something dramatic have happened. And he said yes..
I've found with my HA, I get to that point as well. Eventually I just get tired of obsessing over X and then it goes away. Early on something could last months, but now usually just a week or two and I'm done. Thankfully now when I'm done I actually am done instead of finding something else to ruminate over.
That's really good, one thing replaces another as you can see by my thread and the only thing that makes me let it go is a scan, or a professional like a consultant.
Then it seems to move onto something else.
I am getting moments where I'm like 'this is silly' but they are very few and far in between.
Mostly I'm just in a state of fear and experiencing all these strange feelings
I think the booklet about managing emotions could be helpful and relevant. This therapist sounds good. She has set out the boundaries for what she can offer. It's up to you as to whether you want to continue with CBT. In my area you can't refer yourself again for 3 months. You may be offered a more specialised therapy if your GP or current therapist thought you needed to be referred to the Community Mental Health Team but this doesn't seem to be the case?
I've got the booklet, and yeah she has been quite to the point which is good.
I'm going to put the CBT on hold at the moment because currently I just can't commit to it. I'm going to see what this other agency come back to me with and go from there.
Hi Chloe, sometimes I don’t feel I have come a long way but then I read back on my posts and know I have. I think I will always have anxiety about my health but I do know I have definitely learned to control it much better. I to struggle to accept sometimes the symptoms are anxiety rather than real. I have created a rule with myself that if I have new symptoms that iv never had before then I will see a gp. Other than that i tell myself it is anxiety. The difference I find is if I’m anxious I get more symptoms. The more hysterical I get the more the symptoms worsen. Also I find the more time I have on my hands the worse my mind plays tricks on me. Now don’t get me wrong some days I have terrible anxiety and it is really bad. I feel agitated, nervous, foot tapping away on the edge of tears… I feel like I’m hanging off the edge of a cliff waiting to be pushed but I just persevere through it by telling myself it will pass. Sometimes I take myself off to bed if I’m able and go back to sleep for abit. I find if I’m warm and snug under quilt the anxiety fades abit but then it’s hard to do that when you have kids and also I personally have to be careful sleeping all the time as I’m prone to depressive episodes. I didn’t find cbt effective myself. It did nothing for me. Iv got to this point just by perseverance and to be honest I reached an exhaustion point in my panic. PM if you need to talk. Sarah
Hi Sarah, I have private messaged you
I've taken a 50mg sertraline last night, I was taking 25mg this last week to try and ease myself into them.
I spoke to my doctor about my upset tummy, he wasn't worried, just said to see how it goes in the next few weeks.
I've emailed my therapist back and said to stop the CBT for now. Im not sure if I'm repeating things i've already said.
Ive been scrawling in this diary the last two days, had a lot of tears yesterday evening maybe that's the sertraline who knows.
I'm really struggling tonight, my lower back is sore, where my coccyx is. God I'm so scared I've got a spinal tumour. The survival rate is basically nil.
I do get lower back pain on and off but it went away for a long time and it hasn't been an issue for ages.
I've poked around and I can't feel anything apart from bone. I'm just absolutely petrified tonight.
My family think I'm mad, they just don't want to hear my worries anymore.
To me this isn't mad though, this is a real fear, I'm trying really hard to shake it off but I keep getting these problems.
Lower back pain now
Not feeling like I need to pee as much
My bottom doesn't feel the same as it used too
I can't speak to my doctor as he's on holiday this week.
I had an X-ray of my pelvis last year which I think shows lower spine but I guess something could of happened since then.
I feel like the only way through this is more X-rays, if I could see my spine was okay maybe I'd relax, and if it wasn't well at least I'd have an answer
I felt like I had come further a few years ago, but since I've hit my 30's things have gone really down hill again. I think this past year has been the absolute worst. As you can see by my thread it's literally been one thing after another, and the obsessions last months unless they are killed by a scan or a professional like a consultant.
I have these moments where I think 'god I'm being ridiculous' and then moments of sheer panic because I feel strange or another sensations pops up. Like now my legs feel really heavy and weird and they have done on and off for about three days.
I spoke to my doctor on the phone yesterday, it wasn't a long call but I was asking for reassurance. I didn't mention my legs, I wish I had done now.
I spoke to him about the sertraline and my upset tummy, spoke to him about my bladder again. I said to him in 4 weeks if I had a serious illness wouldn't we know by now, wouldn't something dramatic have happened. And he said yes..
So what kind of therapy would you be prepared to accept from this other MH agency? I'm not going to discuss your perceived ailments. Maybe it's a good thing that your GP is away because he's too available for you for reassurance which never works and you would think he would know this already.
You don't have red flags for scans and these would only have the potential to throw up incidental findings anyway which are so unhelpful with HA.
So what kind of therapy would you be prepared to accept from this other MH agency? I'm not going to discuss your perceived ailments. Maybe it's a good thing that your GP is away because he's too available for you for reassurance which never works and you would think he would know this already.
You don't have red flags for scans and these would only have the potential to throw up incidental findings anyway which are so unhelpful with HA.
I think I currently need a support worker, someone who I can have support me when I'm in a real crisis, there is another form of therapy but I can't remember the name, I'm not sure if it is offered on the NHS.
My hand is tingly tonight - urgh I just want this to stop Pul, I'm so tired of being sick and tired.
A&E I just can't bare the thought of at the moment, even if I was to go they possibly wouldn't do an X-ray. I think last time I went and had a chest X-ray I got really lucky, the doctor there was sympathetic and saw how much of a state I was in.
This fear has been going on for a month now, surely you couldn't walk around with a spinal tumour for an entire month without something drastically changing?
All I have is my GP's reassurance right now, and he's very patient with me but it does scare me when he isn't available to talk too. He wants me to call him next week for a chat to see how I'm getting on.
To be honest, Chlobo, you need a GP who will challenge your HA not encourage it with symptom talk and reassurance which never lasts and is pointless in your case.
DBT is probably what you are thinking of? You need to learn to support yourself and manage your emotions. You would have a support worker if you were referred to the Community Mental Health Team but no one has seemed to suggest that you need this at this stage?
To be honest, Chlobo, you need a GP who will challenge your HA not encourage it with symptom talk and reassurance which never lasts and is pointless in your case.
DBT is probably what you are thinking of? You need to learn to support yourself and manage your emotions. You would have a support worker if you were referred to the Community Mental Health Team but no one has seemed to suggest that you need this at this stage?
He hasn't suggested I have a scan or anything, I may ask him though if it's a possibility, I'm not sure what he would say. I know that that's not the best thing with health anxiety but I didn't expect to find myself so deep rooted in fear so soon after my breast worry, I'm struggling to get on with life. I'm just a worried mess and I want it to stop, even if it's just for a week or a few days.
And no, no one has suggested that. I wish they would. I think my doctor thinks my mum is happy to support me as much as I need, but she hasn't really been over the last week or so, she's taken a step back which is fine but I think she made it seem like she wasn't going anywhere when I spoke to the doctor with her there. And that she would help with the kids, which isn't really happening now
You would be referred regardless of your mum supporting you though if the GP thought you needed more than primary care MH services.
Scans should be based on clinical need only and not for HA.
You would be referred regardless of your mum supporting you though if the GP thought you needed more than primary care MH services.
Scans should be based on clinical need only and not for HA.
But is it HA this time, that's the question. I'm questioning everything. I keep getting tingles in my hand which I'm trying to brush off as anxiety or the meds.
The doctor told me if I can feel him touching my thighs then it shows the nerves in my lower half are working as they should be. He touched various places and I could feel it all.
He said it didn't matter if I only needed to pee when my bladder was full, he said that was a good thing. But maybe I didn't explain myself well enough. He did a lot of neurological tests.
It's just going round and round in my head, I just feel so strange.
It's almost like my skin doesn't feel the same as it used too, I took my daughters fake Elsa hair and ran it along my bum and thighs and lower back and I can feel it. Just when I touch with my hands it feels weird.
I know I'm asking for reassurance and writing out the symptoms which isn't helpful, I'm just trying my hardest not to go full panic mode and if I do seek reassurance it can help wind me down a little
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/hypochondria/documents/health%20anxiety%20a4%20%202010.pdf
Chlobo, you may have responded but did either the doctor or your counselor give you any suggestions to help keep the panic at bay while your meds are kicking in? I know you were struggling before, but SSRIs can increase your anxiety quite a bit when first starting and they can give some funny feelings too - I know when I first started escitalopram I felt like I was just shaking internally (hard to describe). Absolutely was just the loading of the medication and a few weeks in I felt a lot better. I'm not sure what would be helpful in your situation, but I did have a therapist to talk to during that start up, and my doctor also provided me with some PRN anxiety medication. Both were a huge help, but you also just have to hang in there a bit.
Chlobo, you may have responded but did either the doctor or your counselor give you any suggestions to help keep the panic at bay while your meds are kicking in? I know you were struggling before, but SSRIs can increase your anxiety quite a bit when first starting and they can give some funny feelings too - I know when I first started escitalopram I felt like I was just shaking internally (hard to describe). Absolutely was just the loading of the medication and a few weeks in I felt a lot better. I'm not sure what would be helpful in your situation, but I did have a therapist to talk to during that start up, and my doctor also provided me with some PRN anxiety medication. Both were a huge help, but you also just have to hang in there a bit.
Hey poppy, he gave me some meditation websites to use, and also gave me more Propanolol. He said I can take 120mg of Propanolol a day but it makes me feel quite sleepy.
I really hope some of these odd feelings are just the medication, it does come and go the sensations.
I just don't feel like I'm in reality if that even makes sense. I just feel odd, my entire body feels odd. I can't really describe it.
At the same time I've managed to get up and shower and actually do things round the house which I wouldn't normally do when I'm feeling very anxious, I baked a cake today with the kids and yesterday we went to the park and played outside which is all positive things. I just have this cloud hanging over me that something is going on. And I get sheer panic moments.
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/hypochondria/documents/health%20anxiety%20a4%20%202010.pdf
I did have a read of this and found it helpful
It's the anxiety. And a lot of the depersonalization stuff you are feeling is probably down to exhaustion - our bodies aren't meant to be in this high anxiety state for weeks on end, so it's no wonder you'd be tired and feeling out of it. I hope you are able to get some rest.
It's the anxiety. And a lot of the depersonalization stuff you are feeling is probably down to exhaustion - our bodies aren't meant to be in this high anxiety state for weeks on end, so it's no wonder you'd be tired and feeling out of it. I hope you are able to get some rest.
Hey poppy, I really hope that's all it is.
I just want to get through this okay and come out the other side. Do you find your health anxiety has pretty much gone now?
I just want to get to the point where I'm not scared of health issues anymore, even a blood test sends me over the edge waiting for the results
Urghhhh I know I know!! Sorry this is too much information!
I'm asking for reassurance but I went to the toilet, (I've been having an upset tummy due to sertraline start up) my stool is like water but I don't think I could feel it really coming out, it was sort of just coming out?? Does that make sense.
The doctor asked me can you feel your bottom when you wipe and ever since he asked me this I'm freaking out over the feeling around my bottom. The area around my bottom feels really weird, I'm not sure if I should be feeling more than I am. I'm sitting down and my bottom just feels weird 😢 I hate this,
Do you find your health anxiety has pretty much gone now?
Oh no, I still struggle with HA. I have a lot of HA surrounding covid in particular - every slightly scratchy throat, runny nose, or bit of malaise makes me think "this is it". I also have a lot of HA (and anxiety in general) concerning my dog.
But like my signature says, I don't really stay in that headspace nearly as long now. I'm better at challenging my thoughts and also my mind is much better at just saying "well, this is silly, let's pick up and move on". Therapy and medication helped that. I honestly wish I could access more therapy as I think it would help me even more (and maybe meds too, but maybe I don't need those any longer). But I'm still doing okay on my own.
You can do this. Just hang in there.
Oh no, I still struggle with HA. I have a lot of HA surrounding covid in particular - every slightly scratchy throat, runny nose, or bit of malaise makes me think "this is it". I also have a lot of HA (and anxiety in general) concerning my dog.
But like my signature says, I don't really stay in that headspace nearly as long now. I'm better at challenging my thoughts and also my mind is much better at just saying "well, this is silly, let's pick up and move on". Therapy and medication helped that. I honestly wish I could access more therapy as I think it would help me even more (and maybe meds too, but maybe I don't need those any longer). But I'm still doing okay on my own.
You can do this. Just hang in there.
Sorry poppy I missed this message.
I was anxious when I had covid but I got through it okay thankfully.
Could you register for more therapy? You're not in the UK are you so I'm not sure how it works.
My worries seem to last months at a time, unless a test rules it out. It drains everything out of me and it's all I can focus on. I have moments when I think hmm Really? But then panic sets in again over a sensation which to me almost confirms it
Do we think if I have a spinal tumour after 5 weeks I'd be in a lot of trouble?
My lower back is aching today which isn't helping my anxiety at all.
I'm on the verge of asking the doctor for some tests if he will allow me too
Do we think if I have a spinal tumour after 5 weeks I'd be in a lot of trouble?
What do you think ?
I'm on the verge of asking the doctor for some tests if he will allow me too
I would hope they point blank refuse.
Pamplemousse
20-02-22, 18:27
Do we think if I have a spinal tumour after 5 weeks I'd be in a lot of trouble?
My lower back is aching today which isn't helping my anxiety at all.
I'm on the verge of asking the doctor for some tests if he will allow me too
I too had lower back-ache on and off this last week - then I did the prostate cancer checker highlighted this week and it mentioned back and hip pain which sent me off into a spiral; but then I realised that I have no other symptoms. So my mind is easier now. I also remembered I'd been lifting heavy objects badly which might well account for it too. I'm okay at the moment.
I'd like to think you could get a scan (even though from my experience the medical profession moans about "the worried well" clogging up the system) and hope that it would put your mind at rest as I can see the distress this is causing you; but on past record here, I have the feeling you'd find something new to obsess about once your fear of a tumour was ruled out.
Ask: they can only say "no" after all.
That would be entirely wrong - to be using NHS resources, expensive scans, for people who have absolutely no need for them. It would also be entirely wrong for Chlobo herself, every few weeks going for another unnecessary medical procedure - where does that end ?
Pamplemousse
21-02-22, 12:08
That would be entirely wrong - to be using NHS resources, expensive scans, for people who have absolutely no need for them. It would also be entirely wrong for Chlobo herself, every few weeks going for another unnecessary medical procedure - where does that end ?
You must have heard of the expression "doctors bury their mistakes"? I'd question how expensive a scan is these days now everything is digital too. I did point out that "the worried well" are a big problem for the NHS - I've been told this to my face twice by NHS staff - but perhaps they should look at waste in their own organisation too. I think other factors are in play here but what if Chlobo is actually *right*?
That would be entirely wrong - to be using NHS resources, expensive scans, for people who have absolutely no need for them. It would also be entirely wrong for Chlobo herself, every few weeks going for another unnecessary medical procedure - where does that end ?
Can anxiety really cause this? My lower back doesn't feel as sensitive as normal, I can feel it being touched but I don't really know. If I run something across it I can feel it, but it feels so weird.
Pamplemousse
21-02-22, 12:51
Can anxiety really cause this? My lower back doesn't feel as sensitive as normal, I can feel it being touched but I don't really know. If I run something across it I can feel it, but it feels so weird.
Actually, it probably can.
Speaking from experience here, sometimes I can get so wound up over something that I forget what "normal for me" actually is and yes, that does extend to physical sensations. I'm diabetic, so I do occasionally test my feet with something like a small screwdriver, just to check I can feel things are okay - however, I don't relate that to "how many grammes force can I feel compared to the last time?" but merely "can I feel it?"
I think other factors are in play here but what if Chlobo is actually *right*?
She's not right, that is already proved by her Dr doing tests and saying there is nothing that is a problem.
PM - you are playing into all of her HA issues at the moment, or trying some reverse psychology ?!; pushing to get a test, telling her Drs can be wrong...
You must have heard of the expression "doctors bury their mistakes"? I'd question how expensive a scan is these days now everything is digital too. I did point out that "the worried well" are a big problem for the NHS - I've been told this to my face twice by NHS staff - but perhaps they should look at waste in their own organisation too. I think other factors are in play here but what if Chlobo is actually *right*?
"What if" is such a huge part of HA too though...and what if she's wrong? Her track record suggests this and that's the danger of being a season ticket holder at the GP surgery. Being not taken seriously when there is a genuine problem. One very good reason to be determined to manage HA successfully and not get lumped in with the "worried well". Scans/tests should only be offered when there is a clinical reason for offering them and not to pacify/fob off a patient with HA. The best GPs have faith in their diagnostic skills.
Pamplemousse
21-02-22, 13:14
The best GPs have faith in their diagnostic skills.
Then I must know a load of crap ones - my wife nearly died because a GP didn't spot her kidney failure and actually asked her if she wanted to go into hospital. Who does that?! There are others too.
The worst GPs are those arrogant enough to believe they are unquestionably right.
There is a saying in my profession - "Trust no-one's work but your own, and question even that." It has served me well.
PM, I think you maybe have too much of a dog in this fight?
If somebody's obsessively self-testing there's clearly nothing much wrong, if anything.
Pamplemousse
21-02-22, 13:21
She's not right, that is already proved by her Dr doing tests and saying there is nothing that is a problem.
PM - you are playing into all of her HA issues at the moment, or trying some reverse psychology ?!; pushing to get a test, telling her Drs can be wrong...
But what I am seeing here is someone very vulnerable being told in effect to "pull herself together" by, I have to say, the usual suspects.
Pamplemousse
21-02-22, 13:22
PM, I think you maybe have too much of a dog in this fight?
If somebody's obsessively self-testing there's clearly nothing much wrong, if anything.
Perhaps, BI, perhaps.
But I am seeing stuff tantamount to the bullying of a very vulnerable individual. Others may see it differently of course.
Anyway, I'll sign out - I have an appointment with the dentist and then some more heavy lifting to do :(
Perhaps, BI, perhaps.
But I am seeing stuff tantamount to the bullying of a very vulnerable individual. Others may see it differently of course.
Anyway, I'll sign out - I have an appointment with the dentist and then some more heavy lifting to do :(
I definitely don't find it helpful to question the doctors, my doctor is actually very good.
My friend who had the swollen optic nerves saw him and he said she needed a scan asap and he wanted the report on his desk the next day.
I have been to see him twice.
He said he wasn't concerned as the neurological tests he did didn't flag anything up, nor did what I told him. He said loss of bowel control would be an issue plus other problems.
My anxiety and 'what if' makes me question him and the fact I can't see into my body to see what's going on, right now I can't handle someone telling me my doctor may be wrong it just makes me feel sick.
I'm just holding onto a thread right now, trying desperately to not panic
So I'm a bully now, am I?
Thanks muchly.
I definitely don't find it helpful to question the doctors, my doctor is actually very good.
My friend who had the swollen optic nerves saw him and he said she needed a scan asap and he wanted the report on his desk the next day.
I have been to see him twice.
He said he wasn't concerned as the neurological tests he did didn't flag anything up, nor did what I told him. He said loss of bowel control would be an issue plus other problems.
My anxiety and 'what if' makes me question him and the fact I can't see into my body to see what's going on, right now I can't handle someone telling me my doctor may be wrong it just makes me feel sick.
We are telling you that your doctor is right because he has examined you and come to this conclusion. Now you must believe this too.
Then I must know a load of crap ones - my wife nearly died because a GP didn't spot her kidney failure and actually asked her if she wanted to go into hospital. Who does that?! There are others too.
The worst GPs are those arrogant enough to believe they are unquestionably right.
There is a saying in my profession - "Trust no-one's work but your own, and question even that." It has served me well.
I would question that in terms of how that makes you very vulnerable to HA.
WorryRaptor
21-02-22, 14:26
I definitely don't find it helpful to question the doctors, my doctor is actually very good.
My friend who had the swollen optic nerves saw him and he said she needed a scan asap and he wanted the report on his desk the next day.
I have been to see him twice.
He said he wasn't concerned as the neurological tests he did didn't flag anything up, nor did what I told him. He said loss of bowel control would be an issue plus other problems.
My anxiety and 'what if' makes me question him and the fact I can't see into my body to see what's going on, right now I can't handle someone telling me my doctor may be wrong it just makes me feel sick.
You sound like you have a really good doctor.
Sure, there are some doctors who are a bit useless, but yours really doesn't sound like one of them. He listened to you, ran actual tests on you and is actively helping you, as he did with your friend. That's a doctor who is paying attention.
So I'm a bully now, am I?
Thanks muchly.
Nope you most certainly aren't. :)
Thanks, Carys.
Sorry, alone in the office today and the self-loathing's kicking my backside a bit. Still, home in another couple of hours.
It seems that some people are viewing others asserting the path to recognising, accepting and adopting healthy practices towards HA as 'harsh'. This isn't bullying this is caring about the right ways forward to retrain thought processes. She has been told that this current 'condition' she reports has no physical basis. Her GP has been right every single time.
There is no way anybody should be suggesting that someone with as deeply entrenched and repetitive HA (for many years) should be having scans and tests willy nilly to 'put their mind at rest'. If detailed hospital tests and investigations were done every single time Chlobo, or people like her, had 'percieved symptoms' then the NHS would be non-functioning, those with a need wouldn't be seen, and it doesn't allow the HA person to develop any other strategies than reassurance.
Pamplemousse
21-02-22, 16:48
I would question that in terms of how that makes you very vulnerable to HA.
If I make a mistake in my line of work, people could be seriously injured or worse still, die. So you'll forgive me if I am ultra-cautious in what I do.
I just want to add to this that Pulisa and Blue have supported and commented on my problems for a long time now, even years ago when I was on this in my 20's. They have always been helpful to me and nothing they have said has made me feel bullied. They can be straight to the point yes, and direct but sometimes that is needed.
A post from Sarah did upset me the other day but that's forgotten now, me and Sarah have personal messaged between ourselves
If I make a mistake in my line of work, people could be seriously injured or worse still, die. So you'll forgive me if I am ultra-cautious in what I do.
I appreciate that, PM and I have had similar terrible responsibilities in my life and it's ghastly for people like us. It's just that the "ultra cautious" approach can lead to people getting very much stuck in an HA cycle. Of course what happened to your wife was dreadful but would she want you to continue to suffer and make your own HA worse as a result?
I just want to add to this that Pulisa and Blue have supported and commented on my problems for a long time now, even years ago when I was on this in my 20's. They have always been helpful to me and nothing they have said has made me feel bullied. They can be straight to the point yes, and direct but sometimes that is needed.
A post from Sarah did upset me the other day but that's forgotten now, me and Sarah have personal messaged between ourselves
Thank you for these comments, Chlobo. I'm sure Blue would agree that all we have tried to do is try to challenge your HA which is a far cry from intentional and malicious bullying. I know that deep down you want to be able to believe your GP and it's not helpful to plant any seeds of doubt as to his competence. You know your GP is reliable and thorough so listen to your own "evidence" and let the HA-inspired doubts just fade away?
Pamplemousse
21-02-22, 20:11
Of course what happened to your wife was dreadful but would she want you to continue to suffer and make your own HA worse as a result?
Only she knew the answer to that. Sometimes P, I wonder how well I actually knew her.
I'm sure she would hate to see you suffering. I don't think you should question what you did or didn't know about her because we all have things we keep to ourselves regardless of how close we feel we should be to loved ones.
Pamplemousse
21-02-22, 21:09
The answer P., was probably in her diaries. But I buried those without reading them as I always promised her I would. So I'll never know.
Anyway, this isn't the thread for discussing this, but for Chlobo and her anxieties.
The answer P., was probably in her diaries. But I buried those without reading them as I always promised her I would. So I'll never know.
Anyway, this isn't the thread for discussing this, but for Chlobo and her anxieties.
I'm sorry to hear about your wife Pample, I really am. We can all come together on this thread if support is needed, and I don't mind at all.
Thank you for these comments, Chlobo. I'm sure Blue would agree that all we have tried to do is try to challenge your HA which is a far cry from intentional and malicious bullying. I know that deep down you want to be able to believe your GP and it's not helpful to plant any seeds of doubt as to his competence. You know your GP is reliable and thorough so listen to your own "evidence" and let the HA-inspired doubts just fade away?
That's okay, I should add Carys to this too as she has always been amazingly helpful, though she does have to disappear when I get too much haha.
But no, I don't feel bullied at all. You don't know how much gratitude I have for everyone that consistently tries to get me through these awful days.
And yes I keep repeating his voice in my head, it's all I can do right now.
You sound like you have a really good doctor.
Sure, there are some doctors who are a bit useless, but yours really doesn't sound like one of them. He listened to you, ran actual tests on you and is actively helping you, as he did with your friend. That's a doctor who is paying attention.
He is very patient also, I feel very lucky to have him.
I have come across doctors with awful bedside manner but he isn't one of them.
He is very professional in my opinion, and doesn't mind me talking to him or questioning him
though she does have to disappear when I get too much haha.
....just a wee break now and again, then come back refreshed :roflmao:
He is very patient also, I feel very lucky to have him.
I have come across doctors with awful bedside manner but he isn't one of them.
He is very professional in my opinion, and doesn't mind me talking to him or questioning him
I think it's important to learn to ask for reassurance from him just the once and then to stay with his response/assessment and not question it further. Dampen down those inevitable "what if's" because every scenario has a "what if" and you just stay stuck if you explore them all.
....just a wee break now and again, then come back refreshed :roflmao:
Don't mention "wee" on this thread!!:D
Seriously though, Carys..every post from you is a quality one!
Don't mention "wee" on this thread!!:D
Seriously though, Carys..every post from you is a quality one!
I agree completely :)
Feeling deflated.
Doctor called me this morning, chatted to him about how worried I am still. I also have lower back pain to add to the mix now. And some pain in my thighs. I'm praying it's a side effect from sertraline which I have been on for two weeks now.
I did have lower back pain a few months ago which actually went, I'm hoping it's the same back pain as before.
I asked the doctor if he would send me for an X-ray, he said an X-ray wouldn't show much anyway and that I would need an MRI but he has to have a good reason to send me for one which in his eyes he doesn't think I have a spinal issue.
He said to come in on Friday and he would examine me again to try and 'convince me'
How can I possibly be convinced when I'm feeling all these things.
I've had half a cup of tea this morning, and a lemonade today. And I've just been for a wee but I barely 'needed one'
I have a horrible lower back ache which has started over the last two days along with this pain in my legs, mainly the left one.
I just have so much going on I thought he wouldn't mind sending me for a scan
but he has to have a good reason to send me for one which in his eyes he doesn't think I have a spinal issue.
I'm pleased to hear this, I know you aren't, but he is being a good doctor to you despite it feeling otherwise.
I just have so much going on I thought he wouldn't mind sending me for a scan
I don't know why you thought that Chlobo ? We all said on here that you have to have a medical need for a scan, otherwise you shouldn't get one. He says you have no medical need. The NHS can't cope with HAers going for unneccessary hospital procedures, they are not even able to catch up at the moment with those who have real needs - delayed by the 2 pandemic years. I know it feels real to you, but its not a true medical need, and therefore you need to trust this GP.
Chlobo, you only had a half a cup of tea and a lemonade all day? Honestly that isn't enough. Your post was at 3.50pm, by then I'd had 1 caffeinated coffee, 3 decaf coffees and half a pint of ribena - this was a bit on the low side for me.
Chlobo, you only had a half a cup of tea and a lemonade all day? Honestly that isn't enough. Your post was at 3.50pm, by then I'd had 1 caffeinated coffee, 3 decaf coffees and half a pint of ribena - this was a bit on the low side for me.
I've had a glass of squash since I got home too,
And I'm about to have another cup of tea
So half cup tea, lemonade, a glass squash and another tea which I'm having now and it's 5.30 pm here
I'm pleased to hear this, I know you aren't, but he is being a good doctor to you despite it feeling otherwise.
I don't know why you thought that Chlobo ? We all said on here that you have to have a medical need for a scan, otherwise you shouldn't get one. He says you have no medical need. The NHS can't cope with HAers going for unneccessary hospital procedures, they are not even able to catch up at the moment with those who have real needs - delayed by the 2 pandemic years. I know it feels real to you, but its not a true medical need, and therefore you need to trust this GP.
It just makes me feel really uneasy that he said no.
I've got no idea why I've got back ache and leg pain now. Aside from adding it to the weird stuff I already have going on. I just want Friday to come so I can be re examined
WorryRaptor
23-02-22, 17:38
I've had half a cup of tea this morning, and a lemonade today.
Out of your whole post, this is the most concerning, because it sounds like you're well on the way to being pretty dehydrated. Limb pain can be caused by dehydration + stress + tension.
I just have so much going on I thought he wouldn't mind sending me for a scan
MRIs are insanely expensive to run. Your GP has to have a legitimate concern to send you for one. That doesn't mean that you need to have a glaringly obvious issue and nothing else will do, they will often send patients for scans they have a hunch about too. They know what to look for, and your GP definitely sounds like he's one of the good ones. While you might be feeling a lot of "symptoms", they're not matching up with a medical examination, or following any telltale patterns, and a doctor can spot that immediately.
If your GP was even remotely suspicious of ANYTHING he would send you for a scan. The fact there isn't a single thing that worries him, is a great sign. You've mentioned how much attention he has paid in the past. This doesn't sound like a doctor who would dismiss, or miss anything.
Another appointment and another examination for reassurance purposes...Plus a telephone appointment today. You're getting a lot of attention from this doctor and I wonder whether it is just feeding into your HA and need for medical "time"?
You never did say what happened to your friend following her MRI?
Out of your whole post, this is the most concerning, because it sounds like you're well on the way to being pretty dehydrated. Limb pain can be caused by dehydration + stress + tension.
MRIs are insanely expensive to run. Your GP has to have a legitimate concern to send you for one. That doesn't mean that you need to have a glaringly obvious issue and nothing else will do, they will often send patients for scans they have a hunch about too. They know what to look for, and your GP definitely sounds like he's one of the good ones. While you might be feeling a lot of "symptoms", they're not matching up with a medical examination, or following any telltale patterns, and a doctor can spot that immediately.
If your GP was even remotely suspicious of ANYTHING he would send you for a scan. The fact there isn't a single thing that worries him, is a great sign. You've mentioned how much attention he has paid in the past. This doesn't sound like a doctor who would dismiss, or miss anything.
I have never been a huge drinker, I drink more when I eat but I haven't been eating much as I've been anxious.
I've had another glass of squash and a cup of tea since being home.
And yes that's what he said, but when I'm the one experiencing all of this it's so hard to trust what he's said. I keep thinking he has mis diagnosed me, which is what I always think as shown in my previous. I just keep getting random pains, in my thigh and my arm, my hip. It makes my anxiety really high, because pain could mean inflammation.
God I'm just in an awful hole, I can't get out at all
Another appointment and another examination for reassurance purposes...Plus a telephone appointment today. You're getting a lot of attention from this doctor and I wonder whether it is just feeding into your HA and need for medical "time"?
You never did say what happened to your friend following her MRI?
Hey pul, yeah I got him to call me this morning, I can't sit with the worry or ignore it, I'm not sure what he will do on Friday, perhaps the same as before.
He seems to get quite emotionally involved, I'm not sure if he has a daughter my age maybe, but he says he doesn't mind talking to me or seeing me if I need too.
I think the back ache the last couple of days has set me back a lot
Hey pul, yeah I got him to call me this morning, I can't sit with the worry or ignore it, I'm not sure what he will do on Friday, perhaps the same as before.
He seems to get quite emotionally involved, I'm not sure if he has a daughter my age maybe, but he says he doesn't mind talking to me or seeing me if I need too.
I think the back ache the last couple of days has set me back a lot
Oh and no I didn't actually tell you all.
Her MRI came back as no significant findings, her brain is healthy. They think the optic nerve swelling was a reaction to her covid vaccine that she had a week or so before she had the symptoms.
Pamplemousse
23-02-22, 18:27
I've had half a cup of tea this morning, and a lemonade today. And I've just been for a wee but I barely 'needed one'
I have a horrible lower back ache which has started over the last two days along with this pain in my legs, mainly the left one.
I just have so much going on I thought he wouldn't mind sending me for a scan
That's not much at all, Chlobo - your wee must look like tea!
Typically we should consume about two litres of water a day (some countries recommend even more) - by my estimation, you've drunk barely half a litre.
Oddly enough, I'm having a panic over lower back pain too at the moment; it's probably muscular (I did myself a mischief a couple of weeks ago) but suffice it to say that what my head thinks it is (thanks to a campaign) is something you'll never get, because you're a woman...
What you're describing sounds rather like sciatica to me (something Mrs. PM had as she damaged her coccyx and lower spine in a fall in the late 1980s).
That's not much at all, Chlobo - your wee must look like tea!
Typically we should consume about two litres of water a day (some countries recommend even more) - by my estimation, you've drunk barely half a litre.
Oddly enough, I'm having a panic over lower back pain too at the moment; it's probably muscular (I did myself a mischief a couple of weeks ago) but suffice it to say that what my head thinks it is (thanks to a campaign) is something you'll never get, because you're a woman...
What you're describing sounds rather like sciatica to me (something Mrs. PM had as she damaged her coccyx and lower spine in a fall in the late 1980s).
See Chloe, I told you it sounds sciatic myself. As someone who has sciatica I have as we discussed terrible back pain, pains in legs and hips ect. You have 4 young children your back will naturally be in bits. Carrying a child is hard on your spine because of the extra weight, the relaxin flowing through your body ect. My back never got back to normal with my first and with the second got much worse and they are 12 and 5. Your kids are so young. Plus I’m sure your youngest you must carry around a fair bit x
Oh and no I didn't actually tell you all.
Her MRI came back as no significant findings, her brain is healthy. They think the optic nerve swelling was a reaction to her covid vaccine that she had a week or so before she had the symptoms.
That's really good news and thanks for the update.
Hi all.
I went to see my doctor again on Friday.
He did another neuro check on me and said he isn't concerned. He said to me that if I had neurogenic bowel or bladder i would be losing control, he definitely won't send me for a scan. His words were 'absolutely not.'
He wants me to go on venlafaxine now instead of sertraline because of the upset tummy.
I'm sat here staring at the tablet petrified to take it, I know it's going to make me feel physically unwell, the body pains have stopped since I have quit the Sert. I think I'm sensitive to these sort of drugs, my body doesn't like them. I've got awful withdrawal from the sertraline right now.
Since talking to the doctor again I'm paranoid about wetting myself, I'm trying not to drink too much because the fear of losing bladder control or not feeling anything, so the avoidance behaviours are really stressful right now. I'm thirsty but I don't want to over drink, but also scared in case I damage myself from not drinking enough. I'm trying to go to the toilet so much that my bladder isn't ever full, and there is no potential to wet myself. Trying to keep busy but I feel like I'm drowning, everyday is a battle that I don't have the energy for.
My daughter went through similar when they were trying to find the right combination of meds. Honestly, you just need to hang in there and see what happens and adjust as needed. It took a month or two but she finally got the right meds and dosages and she's doing much better. Not fun for sure but there is alight at the end of the tunnel.
FMP
My daughter went through similar when they were trying to find the right combination of meds. Honestly, you just need to hang in there and see what happens and adjust as needed. It took a month or two but she finally got the right meds and dosages and she's doing much better. Not fun for sure but there is alight at the end of the tunnel.
FMP
I don't know what to do, I'm having awful withdrawal from the sertraline but the Ven made my anxiety so so bad when I took it before that I lost total control of myself, I was calling 999 because I was having back to pack panic attacks, it also made my vision blurry. I just don't know what to do
Hi everyone, I'm posting this in desperate need. I'm in a mental health crisis and I can't look after myself right now.
I am paralysed with fear about having a spinal tumour, this has been going on for two months almost now.
I don't know what to do anymore, I'm too scared to go to A&E but I'm not coping, I don't even know if this post makes any sense to any of you. I've tried not to post as much on here as I'm repeating everything I have before.
I'm not sure what to do anymore.
I'm here alone with my two kids, my 4 and 5 yr old and I can't cope or do anything
If you're experiencing a mental health problem or supporting someone else, you can call SANEline on 0300 304 7000 (4.30pm–10.30pm every day). National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK.
FMP
Call your out of hours GP number, or try this route......
https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline
An online search facility linked above to find your/a local support point during crisis.
If you're experiencing a mental health problem or supporting someone else, you can call SANEline on 0300 304 7000 (4.30pm–10.30pm every day). National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK.
FMP
I did try to call but they said they have had to close their offices temporarily, they gave an offer to call back in a few days
If you’re distressed you can always call the Samaritans. They won’t offer to call you back, they will be there immediately. I have a friend who is a trained Samaritan and they will just listen to you. It can’t hurt.
Pamplemousse
06-03-22, 15:50
If you’re distressed you can always call the Samaritans. They won’t offer to call you back, they will be there immediately.
Give or take - when I called the Samaritans I was on hold for seven minutes.
I think this is beyond phone calls and really warrants Chlobo going to A&E. I wondered why things were so quiet.
A&E will involve hours of waiting for the psych liaison service, a brief assessment and being given a handful of leaflets and advice to go elsewhere (in Surrey there are "safe havens").
Maybe there are local hubs of this type where you live, Chlobo?
I did try to call but they said they have had to close their offices temporarily, they gave an offer to call back in a few days
I know it won’t help right this second but I hope you took them up of the offer of a call back.
https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/me...ealth-helpline (https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline)
DId you try this ?
I called nhs 111 they spoke to me for a bit but she kept talking about CBT, I told them I don't feel safe right now, she kept asking me questions about CBT and if I've had it over and over again. Asking me how I was feeling when I don't know how I'm feeling.
I hung up.
My friend has made me stay at hers tonight I'm in such a bad state.
I found out my daughters dad is seeing someone, and I can't believe how heartbroken I actually feel right now. I've cried non stop for two days, so not only am I scared about having a tumour I'm also upset because he's happy and enjoying his life, when I'm stuck at home doing the hard bit, trying to cope with crippling anxiety along with looking after our daughter.
I keep having thoughts that everything in this world I have created myself, that nothing is actually real. I can only feel my own consciousness right? So how do I know anything is actually real.
He cheated on me when I was pregnant and then left me at the start of the lockdown, I have never felt so abandoned in my life. Yet he's happy, with someone else.
The idea of him being with someone else I can't handle, or the fact she's seeing my daughter.
I just want this all to stop
Wow! Heck of a reality post putting in writing a vivid description of what mental illness can be :( Yes, granted, at this point, based on your posts, you need the real life help of professionals but the 'system' is not in place to address it ;( I hope a door will open to help you soon.
FMP
I'm so very sorry, Chloe, this stinks and I wish I knew how to make it easier for you. Sending love and positive vibes, for what they're worth, and hoping you're able to get the help you need soon.
Please contact your GP this morning Chloe. Tell them exactly how desperate you are. Try and get referred to your local crisis team.
I can understand why you feel abandoned when you're young and have 4 very young children to care for on your own. That's why I suggested the Home Start charity a while back.
I would suggest that your HA is a "reaction" against feeling abandoned and isolated and being expected to "get on with it". Maybe you've always felt abandoned, especially when your brother was so ill and attention from family was all on him?
It's difficult to get past the CBT primary care option if you are assessed as not needing secondary services (community mental health team). I think you need to tell your GP that you want a referral to secondary services for an assessment. See what he says? Put him on the spot.
My friend is taking me down to the doctors at 10am.
I'm scared
Wish you luck; hope you can get this sorted.
WorryRaptor
07-03-22, 09:39
My friend is taking me down to the doctors at 10am.
I'm scared
It will be okay. Tell them exactly how you're feeling and and emphasise how you need more than CBT. Tell them you need urgent help.
Good luck Chloe, we are all here rooting for you.
Pamplemousse
07-03-22, 17:16
How did you get on, Chloe?
I don't really know.
The doctor said I had no symptom of a spine tumour, which to be fair I do. I said my bottom just doesn't feel the same, that it feels odd and alien when I go to the toilet. He said I'd be having trouble walking, with coordination. And I'd be messing myself etc. I was sat on a chair earlier and my bum went numb and that scared me a lot.
My friend stayed with me the entire time and she actually cried and told him that I need help with my mental health, he's sent an urgent referral to the mental health department at the hospital. He's also given me some Diazepam to calm me down. I took one earlier but they just seem to put me to sleep. I've taken my second one and again it's starting to make me feel sleepy, which I don't think is a good thing.
I've taken my second one and again it's starting to make me feel sleepy, which I don't think is a good thing.
Perhaps I'm wrong, but if they are making you sleepy and you have the ability to sleep (all kids are in the care of someone else) I think you should try to rest. Anxiety is extremely draining, it's very possible that the diazepam is relaxing you just enough to realize that you are exhausted and need rest.
That’s great news about the referral. Hopefully you will get the help you need now.
diazipam can make people sleepy, that’s why it says don’t drive or operate machinery if you are affected. Like Poppy says if you are able to sleep re your children, then sleep.
Bless you Chlobo I hope you get some help soon. I've followed this thread for a while but not commented as I don't think I can add anything to all of the wonderful advice that has already been given.
I'm going through something similar but the difference is I have a suspected real health issues (endometriosis, which I am awaiting a diagnosis for), but my HA has catastrophised this into a life or death scenario where I believe I'm going to have severe incurable disease and suffer a bad complication which I will die from before I'm diagnosed and treated. My doctor is way more concerned about my mental health than any physical health problems I've got. Just goes to show what a horrible thing HA is and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
You sound like you have a good supportive friend there to help you and you're blessed with a good GP as well.
I hope you're doing OK Chlobo.
I just don't see a way out of this, I keep randomly bursting into tears, I keep feeling all these horrible things in my body, like heavy legs, weak fingers, back pain, dizzy, headache you name it I've got it.
Another thing that's worrying me is my sex drive has totally gone, I've been anxious and I know that can affect it but it panics me thinking I've lost feeling down there so i now have no sex drive.
I feel bad because my friend is trying to help by having me at hers but I feel like a burden to her right now. I feel like she's doing too much but she says she wants to help and I need to accept the help. I just feel guilty and like a huge burden
WorryRaptor
08-03-22, 19:37
I just don't see a way out of this, I keep randomly bursting into tears, I keep feeling all these horrible things in my body, like heavy legs, weak fingers, back pain, dizzy, headache you name it I've got it.
Another thing that's worrying me is my sex drive has totally gone, I've been anxious and I know that can affect it but it panics me thinking I've lost feeling down there so i now have no sex drive.
I feel bad because my friend is trying to help by having me at hers but I feel like a burden to her right now. I feel like she's doing too much but she says she wants to help and I need to accept the help. I just feel guilty and like a huge burden
Your friend is helping because she cares, so let her :) Just tell yourself when you're feeling better that you will return the favour for her.
I'm pretty sure many anxiety meds plus anxiety have an effect on sex drive. Any time I had anti anxiety meds (my body hates them) my drive went down to 0.
Your friend is helping because she cares, so let her :) Just tell yourself when you're feeling better that you will return the favour for her.
I'm pretty sure many anxiety meds plus anxiety have an effect on sex drive. Any time I had anti anxiety meds (my body hates them) my drive went down to 0.
I'm not actually on medication apart from Diazepam.
I've been on Citalopram for many years and it never effected my sex drive, god I just can't handle having a spine tumour, the actual fear of this is unreal.
I feel like this is just it for me
Chlobo definitely try and let your friend help you. You strike me as someone who always puts others first before yourself, well this time let someone else look after you for a bit! You definitely deserve it.
As for the libido thing when I'm super anxious and depressed my libido goes down to 0 as well and it can be months before it comes back again. I don't know how my poor husband puts up with me sometimes haha.
Thanks for everyone's replies about the libido situation!
I've had a real wobble this afternoon. I've just come off my period a few days ago, I do actually get discharge in general that's normal for me. But I had a shower and got dressed, came down and then I felt a wet patch in my knickers. It didn't really smell of urine as such but I'm not sure where it has come from. I thought maybe it's just water from my shower that's come into my knickers, it was definitely a patch of wetness and now I'm convinced I lost some bladder control which had been one of the things that have kept me going the last two months. Help :(
Hi everyone, I'm really concerned, and this is a little gross if anyone wants to stop reading as a fair warning...
For the last two days I've had some discharge which is clear and thin, almost watery. I am by my dates due to be ovulating, but It's been leaving wet patches in my knickers.
I've smelt the area and I can't really figure it out by smell.
I'm so paranoid it's urine and I'm losing control of my bladder now like the doctor said would happen if anything bad was wrong.
I put a sanitary towel on my knickers but a while later I checked it and I'm sure I could smell urine on it!
My friend who I'm staying with has said it's not an issue, if I had neurogenic bladder I wouldn't be able to hold anything in and I'd be peeing down my leg and soaking myself. She has said that it'll be a mixture of discharge and just general smell down there from previous toilet trips. I'm struggling so much still with this fear and this really isn't helping me. She's really tried to reassure me tonight but I'm very worried, I've started to get a constant feeling around the area of my urethra that's sort of a hyper aware feeling. I've only noticed it the last two days.
Hi Chlobo
Listen to your friend, she’s right, loss of bladder control would be more than occasional wet patches in your knickers.
You are focusing on what the Doctor said and letting it take over your thoughts. Please try and relax.
Thanks deb. I wore a towel over night on my pants and I'm pretty sure I can smell a urine type smell on it this morning. Urgh I hate this!
Just cannot cope with it right now.
I'm praying it is just nothing to worry about
Anxiety is so so high.
I'm so scared I'm dying, it's too much to take right now.
I'm petrified I'm going to wet myself or I'm leaking urine. Cannot take this.
I have a large post on the 'symptoms' page which has so much too it I don't think anyone wants to even read through it all anymore. The title of my post is quite blunt but this is what I'm deathly afraid of right now.
I have a history of severe health anxiety going back years but over the last two years it's reached an uncontrollable level.
2 months ago I felt like I had some numbness after being on the toilet, it scared me to death and I had an instant panic attack.
Fast forward to now, 2 months on i have been to my doctor twice, phoned him multiple times for telephone consultations, and I've seen a different doctor too. They all say they aren't worried about my symptoms but I'm so scared and I don't think I have ever been scared for this long before over a health worry.
My symptoms are as follows:
Not feeling a desperate urge to wee - I don't think I ever feel desperate to the point I'm clutching myself and having to run. I almost have a heavy feeling in my bladder and it's uncomfortable, I cannot remember if I've always been like this.
Feeling like when I poop it doesn't feel the same, like there's a numbness in my bottom.
I've also noticed some slight wet patches on my underwear recently that I'm panicking is urine leakage, though there is a possibility to be discharge from ovulation and hormones, though it does smell slightly of urine. I am 31 with 4 kids so I don't know if it's normal for your pants to smell slightly uriney at the end of a day.
My saddle area almost feels less sensitive than it used too or different.
My doctor has done a neurological exam on me, well two actually. And he doesn't think I have anything to worry about. He said a spine tumour would come with a lot of symptoms which I don't have. He said I'd be losing bladder control and probably deficating myself along with problems with my legs etc. He won't send me for a scan as I have requested.
Problem is this is controlling me and my life, I'm currently staying with a friend with my children because my anxiety is so bad. I'm unable to function because I'm so scared i have this awful disease.
I'm checking my pants multiple times a day for any urine, I keep feeling like my bladder is about to leak, I'm scared to drink too much in case I wet myself. I also keep getting a 'feeling' in my vagina and I'm not sure if it's anxiety but it's almost like a muscle spasm inside that makes me panic.
I have had a lot of posts on this on my thread on the symptoms page but I didn't know if anyone is really seeing it anymore to advise me. I'm just scared and yes I'm asking for reassurance but that is all I have right now. I can't see any light at the end of this tunnel.
Just to add I have an appointment with the mental health team at the hospital set up for tomorrow. And my doctor had given me Diazepam to try and help me cope. But it isn't working. I'm just terrified all the time. And I'm so scared this is a physical issue that's going to kill me and the doctor is wrong.
After two months of constant fear, I've lost weight, I have no energy, my body just doesn't feel like my own anymore.
nomorepanic
15-03-22, 20:36
Hi
This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.
Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.
It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.
Your appointment with the mental health team at the hospital tomorrow is the single most important thing you said in your last two posts. I hope it is the start of you finding a way out of this, after years and years of being static.
I can't see a way out right now, it's either death or anxiety. I'm very nervous for this appointment today. My tongue feels really strange this morning, it feels bigger than normal, but it's normal to look at. Not swollen or anything. But I'm sat here panicking
I really don’t think people on here can help you,maybe stop posting until after your appointment with the Mental Health team.Good luck.Xx
Let us know how you get on Chlobo. We do care very much about you but Lola is right, we can’t help you with your HA. Only professionals can do that. They will have seen it all before.
All be can do is give you reassurance, which by now you must see is about as much use as a chocolate teapot.
Good luck.
Thank you, I had my appointment and the lady is going to speak to a psychologist. I was meant to have a call on Friday but I didn't hear, I'm not sure if she didn't have chance to speak to her.
Hopefully Monday.
I haven't been at my home in two weeks because my anxiety is so bad, I've stayed with my friend. I'm back home this weekend but not feeling great.
I've totally lost any sexual desire I once had, which I know can be a sign of neurological issues, I wish I didn't know so much about this stuff. But it's setting the anxiety off again really badly. I just feel scared, like this has to be a physical issue. Spine tumour seems to have become my biggest nightmare right now. 2 months of pure hell this has been.
I keep thinking okay I can walk fine, I can do everything I normally do in regards to movement.
I'm not experiencing pain
I'm not having accidents with my bowels
I've passed all the neurological tests the doctor has done.
I can feel my saddle area, albeit feels maybe strange?
I wanted to pay for private scans again but they are way more expensive than a breast scan which I paid for privately before. And in all honesty it won't be good enough, I would then think it was my brain, so I'd need a brain and a spinal scan which would traumatise me, plus it's extremely expensive.
I've started to get a pricking feeling in upper thighs and on my bum. When I touch the skin it feels so weird as well. I'm terrified
Are you all so sick of me that no one will reply anymore, I'm really struggling.
I keep self checking and I'm struggling to fight the urge to check.
Even to the point I'm running a fake pony tail over my bum to see if I can feel the fake hair going over my skin. It's distressing and it doesn't really help, I keep getting tingles in my legs and im scared this is the tumor pressing
What did the mental health team advise?
They still haven't contacted me, I called today and she has put a note down for them to speak to me. It's upset me because it took me a lot to admit to her the things I'm doing regarding the self testing and when promised a call back I didn't get it
Firstly..
Look who's back to piss ya all off? :yesyes:
Secondly..
I am so afraid of leaving my kids without a mum, and that's what scares me so much. My 8 year old daughter is currently being assessed for learning difficulties. I can't bare the thought of dying when they're so young, and that's what frightens me to death every single day, the thought of mummy being gone, I just cannot bare it.
Chlobo, THIS is the reason for your health anxiety and until you accept that you cannot control when you die, THIS will be the reason it keeps controlling you.
My son is autistic. I completely understand and empathise with your concerns. These were my concerns too, and they took me to mental breakdown. And even though I am in control of my health anxiety still, there are times when the thought of not being here for my son makes me feel sick to my stomach. But then I remind myself that I only have control over 'now' and I am here 'now'. I also know that children are far more resilient than we give them credit for, even ones with the difficulties that others don't have. We are doing them a disservice in presuming that they will fade away without us. This is our ego trip, not theirs. And this is all about ego because that's where fear lives. This is what makes HA the self-absorbing deal that it is..
An interesting thing..
The other night my son and I were watching Comic Relief and there was a woman talking about mental health issues and breakdown. I asked him if he remembered me being mentally unwell five years ago and he said no. That surprised me to be honest. Point is, when I had my breakdown it was all consuming for me and it affected my entire world but his experience of that time isn't the same as mine. Do you understand me? The reality is that anxiety causes a million and one unpleasant symptoms and there can be multiple symptoms at any one time. There's nothing you've mentioned here that I haven't experienced myself with anxiety. Backache? I'm tensing my lower back right now. I do this unconsciously most of the time. I had to have a mouth guard made (£200 quid thank you very much) because I tensed my jaw so much that it went into spasm. Any part of the body can do the same..
Look to the drug you are taking as there will be side-effects.
Be mindful of your thoughts because fearful thoughts trigger stress hormones EVERY time.
The problem with you scaring yourself delirious over potentially not being here for your kids is that, actually, you're not 'here' now. Physically you're present but mentally and emotionally you're elsewhere in a fearfully imagined future..
Fear is robbing you of the time that you do have with your kids as in the present, the now, which is all any of us have.
And yes I agree health anxiety can be a very selfish thing, but mine is more related to my children and them needing me.
Use the 'now' to prepare your children for a life without you. I figure that's part of the job description of being a parent? And there is no point in dancing around death. Better to face it and accept it as the certainty it is. BUT YOU ARE ALIVE NOW. And one of the problems may be that you feel too alive, right? The kind of alive that's painful, uncomfortable, and unpleasant. Life with fight or flight that's jammed on and reacting to our fearful thoughts and to the smallest sensations that go by unnoticed in most people..
The probability here is that there is no disease, only severe anxiety. No tumours in your spine, only tension from anxiety. The bladder always goes on the fritz during high anxiety but, again, look to your medication as I had to be taken off one because I couldn't wee. Become your own detective. Write every single thing down that you ingest, body & mind. Don't leave out what you believe to be insignificant as they often turn out to be the cause. And the next time you look at your kids and your joy turns to fear, remind yourself that you are here 'now'. This moment is yours and it can never be taken from you. You get to choose how you spend it and I know that underneath all the crap of anxiety, you want to experience love & joy. Well, it's there. It's there by default. Anxiety & fear are the clouds rolling across the sky on a sunny day. They're temporary. Everything in this life is.
This, right now, feels like you will never feel OK again but you will, I promise you that you will. This is you at your strongest although I'm presuming it feels the opposite, right? It's only by looking back that I realise how strong I was during my breakdown. I went all the way down and hauled my arse back up again and you will do the same. But to kick HA to the gutter, you have to challenge your thoughts. This is not to avoid or try to block them. That's not the way. When you have those HA thoughts but do not react to them, then you'll know you have this beast by the proverbial danglers..
Five years on, I still have HA by the balls and believe me the bugger has had the opportunity to bring me down several times..
This is doable Chlobo. It's about acceptance of what is beyond your control. It's about challenging those fearful thoughts and not falling for those lies that HA will try to tell you. And HA is good at what it does. It wants us to shit ourselves with fear. It wants us to think we're about to die. It wants us to release those stress hormones for more of the same. It feeds on your fear..
This is also about loving yourself enough to put the serious effort in. Anybody can turn up to a therapy session but it's no good if you don't do the homework and keep doing it. Loving your kids? That's a cert of any loving parent. But you have to show yourself some love too and see yourself as the woman you want to be. Choose badass over scared shitless. You're halfway to badass already because I know what it's taking for you to exist everyday. It's hardcore existence and anybody who says differently is lucky because they obviously haven't suffered like you and I, right?
Re-frame and challenge those HA thoughts.
You are going to die one day lovely. We all are. I want you to be able to read this, think this, and say this without the fear factor kicking in.
I am going to die. I know this. I accept this. I was born, so there is only one way out. I made peace with death in 2017 (when I genuinely thought I was dying). I didn't die. Quelle surprise and all that. There was sod all up with me (that would kill me, anyroad) but the acceptance remains..
No amount of counselling, therapy or medication will help you unless you make this mental shift. At best, you will send HA underground for a while but then it will be back as soon as the next strange symptom crops up. This is your story to now. It was also mine until 2017. The one thing I did was to accept EVERYTHING and at that point, that meant my death.
2022, still here and still in control so that's a big poke in the eye for HA eh! :yesyes:
(P.S I'm still an hormonally challenged Peaky Blinder binge-watching lunatic, but I can tick HA off the list) :roflmao:
With all my heart, I wish I could wave a magic wand and make this right for you and give you your life back. You've had so much fabulous support on here and if words alone worked you would have been free of HA long before now. I know what it takes to control HA and it is almost laughable in it's simplicity but all I can do is write down my experience and try and be as supportive as possible. I cannot make that mental shift for you. Nobody but you can do that. X
Chloe, sorry to barge in on your thread, but...
Nora, I'm so glad to see you back!
Nora, I'm so glad to see you back!
Thanks Blue! Thought I'd fetch Nora Batty's wrinkled stockings out of retirement. :yesyes:
Yes, Nora, so pleased you're back!
Nora, this is advice so good that unlike dear Blue, I won't apologize for barging in and saying so. I think you have nailed it, and Chlobo, I do very very much hope you'll read a few times... I have my own young one, and Nora is so, so right about the parental death anxiety.
Firstly..
Look who's back to piss ya all off? :yesyes:
Secondly..
Chlobo, THIS is the reason for your health anxiety and until you accept that you cannot control when you die, THIS will be the reason it keeps controlling you.
My son is autistic. I completely understand and empathise with your concerns. These were my concerns too, and they took me to mental breakdown. And even though I am in control of my health anxiety still, there are times when the thought of not being here for my son makes me feel sick to my stomach. But then I remind myself that I only have control over 'now' and I am here 'now'. I also know that children are far more resilient than we give them credit for, even ones with the difficulties that others don't have. We are doing them a disservice in presuming that they will fade away without us. This is our ego trip, not theirs. And this is all about ego because that's where fear lives. This is what makes HA the self-absorbing deal that it is..
An interesting thing..
The other night my son and I were watching Comic Relief and there was a woman talking about mental health issues and breakdown. I asked him if he remembered me being mentally unwell five years ago and he said no. That surprised me to be honest. Point is, when I had my breakdown it was all consuming for me and it affected my entire world but his experience of that time isn't the same as mine. Do you understand me? The reality is that anxiety causes a million and one unpleasant symptoms and there can be multiple symptoms at any one time. There's nothing you've mentioned here that I haven't experienced myself with anxiety. Backache? I'm tensing my lower back right now. I do this unconsciously most of the time. I had to have a mouth guard made (£200 quid thank you very much) because I tensed my jaw so much that it went into spasm. Any part of the body can do the same..
Look to the drug you are taking as there will be side-effects.
Be mindful of your thoughts because fearful thoughts trigger stress hormones EVERY time.
The problem with you scaring yourself delirious over potentially not being here for your kids is that, actually, you're not 'here' now. Physically you're present but mentally and emotionally you're elsewhere in a fearfully imagined future..
Fear is robbing you of the time that you do have with your kids as in the present, the now, which is all any of us have.
Use the 'now' to prepare your children for a life without you. I figure that's part of the job description of being a parent? And there is no point in dancing around death. Better to face it and accept it as the certainly it is. BUT YOU ARE ALIVE NOW. And one of the problems may be that you feel too alive, right? The kind of alive that's painful, uncomfortable, and unpleasant. Life with fight or flight that's jammed on and reacting to our fearful thoughts and to the smallest sensations that go by unnoticed in most people..
The probability here is that there is no disease, only severe anxiety. No tumours in your spine, only tension from anxiety. The bladder always goes on the fritz during high anxiety but, again, look to your medication as I had to be taken off one because I couldn't wee. Become your own detective. Write every single thing down that you ingest, body & mind. Don't leave out what you believe to be insignificant as they often turn out to be the cause. And the next time you look at your kids and your joy turns to fear, remind yourself that you are here 'now'. This moment is yours and it can never be taken from you. You get to choose how you spend it and I know that underneath all the crap of anxiety, you want to experience love & joy. Well, it's there. It's there by default. Anxiety & fear are the clouds rolling across the sky on a sunny day. They're temporary. Everything in this life is.
This, right now, feels like you will never feel OK again but you will, I promise you that you will. This is you at your strongest although I'm presuming it feels the opposite, right? It's only by looking back that I realise how strong I was during my breakdown. I went all the way down and hauled my arse back up again and you will do the same. But to kick HA to the gutter, you have to challenge your thoughts. This is not to avoid or try to block them. That's not the way. When you have those HA thoughts but do not react to them, then you'll know you have this beast by the proverbial danglers..
Five years on, I still have HA by the balls and believe me the bugger has tried to bring me down several times..
This is doable Chlobo. It's about acceptance of what is beyond your control. It's about challenging those fearful thoughts and not falling for those lies that HA will try to tell you. And HA is good at what it does. It wants us to shit ourselves with fear. It wants us to think we're about to die. It wants us to release those stress hormones for more of the same. It feeds on your fear..
This is also about loving yourself enough to put the serious effort in. Anybody can turn up to a therapy session but it's no good if you don't do the homework and keep doing it. Loving your kids? That's a cert of any loving parent. But you have to show yourself some love too and see yourself as the woman you want to be. Choose badass over scared shitless. You're halfway to badass already because I know what it's taking for you to exist everyday. It's hardcore existence and anybody who says differently is lucky because they obviously haven't suffered like you and I, right?
Re-frame and challenge those HA thoughts.
You are going to die one day lovely. We all are. I want you to be able to read this, think this, and say this without the fear factor kicking in.
I am going to die. I know this. I accept this. I was born, so there is only one way out. I made peace with death in 2017 (when I genuinely thought I was dying). I didn't die. Quelle surprise and all that. There was sod all up with me (that would kill me, anyroad) but the acceptance remains..
No amount of counselling, therapy or medication will help you unless you make this mental shift. At best, you will send HA underground for a while but then it will be back as soon as the next strange symptom crops up. This is your story to now. It was also mine until 2017. The one thing I did was to accept EVERYTHING and at that point, that meant my death.
2022, still here and still in control so that's a big poke in the eye for HA eh! :yesyes:
(P.S I'm still an hormonally challenged Peaky Blinder binge-watching lunatic, but I can tick HA off the list) :roflmao:
With all my heart, I wish I could wave a magic wand and make this right for you and give you your life back. You've had so much fabulous support on here and if words alone worked you would have been free of HA long before now. I know what it takes to control HA and it is almost laughable in it's simplicity but all I can do is write down my experience and try and be as supportive as possible. I cannot make that mental shift for you. Nobody but you can do that. X
Nora, my god it's good to see your name pop up on my posts again 😢
I needed a Nora comment, and I've read what you've said a lot.
Things have just carried on and once I was over a 'cycle' I started to feel okay for a few days and so I didn't get the help, but you're right the Health anxiety just festers under the surface and each time it reappears I feel like it gets stronger.
You are so right about hardcore existence, that's all it is right now, to wake up and do the general daily slog is too much for me now.
I wake up and my entire day is spent in fear, focusing, checking and panicking, and even if I'm not posting on here I'm sat rocking in my house because the fear just turns to madness.
I am convinced I have a neurological disease or a spine tumour. It isn't the fact I can't pee, it's like the urgency to go isn't as strong anymore, which led me to believe I have saddle numbness. Im scared to drink too much in case I wet myself, so I fill my bladder little and often and then pee before I need too so I don't have to go through the trauma of wetting myself or potentially never feeling that 'urge' to go. As soon as I drink I panic because I'm scared i'm going to wet myself, I can't stop touching down below to make sure I can feel something which is distressing me. The same with having a poop, I'm scared I'm not feeling it enough when I need to go, that the urge isn't as strong as it should be.
I'm tortured and before with my breast cancer fear I paid for a private scan but a private scan of the head and spine is more than I can afford.
I'm stuck in this terrified state and I can't get out, I can't breathe, I can't think.
I've debated A&E but I'm too scared, I just can't put myself through it.
I am currently waiting for a psychologist appointment but I won't hear until next week and I'm struggling to even exist. Everyday is a battle I'm not winning. My family have washed their hands, they can't deal with me anymore. I have one friend, who is my support so thankfully I have her.
My little girl, my two year old has been taken by her dad because I ended up having an outburst at him due to my health anxiety, he's taken my little girl and won't give her back so i'm currently having to go through the courts to get her returned. I just want my baby back, it's killing me and making my health anxiety even worse.
All I want is to walk in the sun with my babies, no thoughts or fear of disease or death. Just walking with my little ones and smiling knowing that I'm okay in this moment and nothing else matters.
If you're spending your entire day completely self-absorbed in your perceived symptoms then your HA will have a field day. How can you look after a 2 year old properly if you're more invested in your HA?
Why not prove to your daughter's dad that you are making an effort to get better? Prove to your family that you're trying to rise above the urge to give in to your intrusive thoughts? This is not all about you and your HA. Your family is more important and you need them on your side not washing their hands of you.
How are you going to fill your day today?
Thanks for your comments Catkins (good to see you too) & Kylliki
I wake up and my entire day is spent in fear, focusing, checking and panicking, and even if I'm not posting on here I'm sat rocking in my house because the fear just turns to madness.
Believe me, you're not mad.
I am convinced I have a neurological disease or a spine tumour. It isn't the fact I can't pee, it's like the urgency to go isn't as strong anymore, which led me to believe I have saddle numbness. Im scared to drink too much in case I wet myself, so I fill my bladder little and often and then pee before I need too so I don't have to go through the trauma of wetting myself or potentially never feeling that 'urge' to go.
I once saw the GP because my heart wasn't racing. It was such an unfamiliar sensation that it panicked me! When we have been sensitised for a long time, we get periods of normality which feels 'wrong' and our HA minds run with the 'there must be something wrong' line..
As soon as I drink I panic because I'm scared i'm going to wet myself, I can't stop touching down below to make sure I can feel something which is distressing me. The same with having a poop, I'm scared I'm not feeling it enough when I need to go, that the urge isn't as strong as it should be.
When did you last wet yourself?
Re poo, you're not describing anything that I don't experience myself and I've been scanned, probed and prodded to the hilt. You will know when you have 'no' sensations down there because there will be surprise in your knickers and there was no risky fart that preceded it which itself was triggered by chugging down a pint of prune juice (yes I'm talking about myself) you get me? This is not happening to you, right? This is a fear. (not real)
Also, the common complaint of constipation can cause all manner of weird sensations up and around the bum and leakage which people don't feel. Point is, the worst case scenario (the one HAers automatically go with) is also the least likely.
I'm tortured and before with my breast cancer fear I paid for a private scan but a private scan of the head and spine is more than I can afford.
Acceptance is free.
I'm stuck in this terrified state and I can't get out, I can't breathe, I can't think.
Yet you are thinking. Your post is clearly written. This requires thought. And you are clearly breathing or you would be dead. The dialogue we use is very important Chlobo. The brain is always listening and taking notes and it will respond accordingly. The one true aspect of the above sentence is that you are in a high state of anxiety and I would use 'high' as opposed to 'terrified' simply because the brain will fire out the stress hormones to TERRIFIED.
I've debated A&E but I'm too scared, I just can't put myself through it.
It won't get you anywhere lovely. Temporary fix, IF you even get past triage stage.
I am currently waiting for a psychologist appointment but I won't hear until next week and I'm struggling to even exist. Everyday is a battle I'm not winning. My family have washed their hands, they can't deal with me anymore. I have one friend, who is my support so thankfully I have her.
You're here, that's win. You have a supportive friend, that's another win. You are struggling but you are doing better than you are telling yourself.
My little girl, my two year old has been taken by her dad because I ended up having an outburst at him due to my health anxiety, he's taken my little girl and won't give her back so i'm currently having to go through the courts to get her returned. I just want my baby back, it's killing me and making my health anxiety even worse.
Stress like this will fuel everything else. I am so sorry this is happening to you but you're a mother and so you will fight to get her back. You have it within you to do this. As long as you have a pulse, you will be in there fighting for your kids, right?
All I want is to walk in the sun with my babies, no thoughts or fear of disease or death. Just walking with my little ones and smiling knowing that I'm okay in this moment and nothing else matters.
One day, you will walk in the sun with your children and there will be no thoughts of disease but death will walk beside you because it's all around us. Plants are dying and feeding insects. The smell of woodland decay can be uplifting but people don't connect it with death. Death is all around us, every second of every day. Our own cells are dying but it is normal. Make friends with death. Be at peace with it. Switch your thoughts from drama to inspirational and ingest the same via TV, literature, music etc.
You can learn to be OK in the moment even when you feel like utter poo. Use those intrusive thoughts as the reminder to slip back into the now and away from that fearfully imagined future. The thoughts will come, they will always try to come, but you will begin to fear them less and less until you find that you are observing them instead of reacting with fear to them. If you can re-frame death you will remove the fear and you will control your health anxiety effectively. I don't see death as an ending so that's helped me. I see it as a transition of energy because we are all energy and energy cannot be destroyed. But regardless of your beliefs, you can re-frame how you think of death..
Be mindful of terminology. The more dramatic the dialogue, the more dramatic the stress response. Think news headlines. They are dramatic for a reason. Your body will release the good hormones when you watch your kids playing and when you feel happy. It's biology. You might not get to choose which thoughts enter your mind but you do get to choose which ones you run with and put your energy into. And it's not easy. The easy thing is to run with those thoughts. It requires no effort on our part. The effort is in noticing when it's happening and reeling ourselves back into the now. It takes time and practice and we don't give up after a few hours. HA will fight us because it needs us to live in fear in order for it to survive..
You can do this you know. You are stronger than you think and not at all mad..
I really hope you will acknowledge Nora's post, Chloe and not just thank her and then fire off another day's worth of perceived symptoms?
You need to challenge this response which is so typical of someone immersed in a HA mindset.
Let your motivation be getting your little girl back?
Hi all, sorry for my late reply
My anxiety is really bad at the moment, worse than its ever been. I'm on no medication apart from swallowing a million Diazepam day to try and keep the panic attacks away. My appointment with the psychologist is underway but they don't know when that will be yet exactly. I went and saw my doctor again yesterday as I've developed a tingling sensation in my legs and groin. He did another neuro exam and said he still isn't concerned, and the tinging he isn't worried about. He said he knows I don't have what I think I have. I don't know how to feel anymore, I have nothing left in me. Nora your replies I read over and over, as I do with other members too. Right now my anxiety Is so high that I'm coping second by second, Im not ignoring anyone I'm just exhausted and plodding along best I can.
I'm hoping the appointment with the psychologist wont be too long, but the tinging is worrying me. It's almost like the feeling of hairs standing up on my legs, like a fizzing sensation as well, but I can feel it around my groin too. I am struggling to believe this is anxiety but the doctor sees very sure. I mean, he hasn't even offered me a blood test. I think my last bloods were in late August /September when I went to A&E about my breathing and my lungs.
So, only six months ago. Anything that's going to happen that fast is going to have a far more drastic effect on you than a bit of tingling.
My last blood test was, I think, maybe 20 years ago?
So, only six months ago. Anything that's going to happen that fast is going to have a far more drastic effect on you than a bit of tingling.
My last blood test was, I think, maybe 20 years ago?
It was about 6 months ago, which seems like a long time if I think about it. Maybe not as long as yours though, then again, I had them done at A&E twice last year and they said they were normal. Once in March time I think, and then again in September, late August.
It's a horrible feeling, I'm trying not to focus on it but it's almost impossible, when I'm walking I can't feel it, if I'm sat down that's when I can really feel it.
It's just your mind playing tricks on you, I promise.
I'm hoping the appointment with the psychologist wont be too long
Chlobo, you have put a COLOSSAL amount of energy and time into chasing imaginary diseases, seeing doctors, Googling symptoms, and posting on here looking for constant reassurance, and if you can do all that, then you can put some of that energy & time into therapy.Re the Diazepam..
Don't get me wrong, medication has it's place with HA but only to lower severe anxiety levels sufficiently in order to be able to engage with the therapy. Pills deal with symptoms, not the psychological reason you are in this state. You're struggling because you fear dying and leaving your children, right? No pill can sort that out for you. Only learning to challenge your thoughts and changing your perception of death & dying can do that and that's what you should be getting with therapy. But any therapy is only as good as what you are prepared to put into it. You will be given the tools; it's up to you whether you use them or not.
I still have HA thoughts. Controlling HA isn't about never having those fearful thoughts- it's about how we respond when they come. You, lovely lady,are reacting with fear and panic to your thoughts because you haven't yet learned how to observe them and then decide whether or not you need to respond to them. Anxious people get ill too. The human body is awesome but it occasionally needs some help and what a great time to be alive in when it comes to medicine? Example: My brother almost died a few months ago. He had organ failure. He was unconscious for four days, ventilated, tubed up, bagged up. The works. Dude's just come back off his holidays and he's still here giving his baby sister shit - that's how bloody amazing the human body (and the NHS) is. So even when the crap does hit the fan, it doesn't have to be the end of the world. With HA, it's always the end of the world, even when it's a spot on our arse..
This is about finding the balance between reacting to a thought re a symptom with enough anxiety in order to call the doctor or to allow the thought to pass because it is irrational.
Example: I had a bleed from my bum last year. I saw the blood and I didn't freak out as I would have historically done. I decided that because it was new for me, it warranted a trip to the doctor. I made the call. I went for my appointment. My doctor snapped on the rubber gloves and had a good root around my bot-bot. Prior to the appointment, I didn't Google. I didn't contort myself into ridiculous positions in the bathroom with a mirror. I didn't allow myself to go with the worst case scenario HA thought because how many times have I done that in my life? Trillions! :wacko:
I really should write a book on my epically long history of health anxiety..
Chapter 200 - The time I shouted 'THERE IS SOMETHING STUCK IN MY SODDING ARSE' at my husband and he was on the phone to the GP (AWKS) :ohmy:
Chapter 456 - The time when I thought my bowels had prolapsed and it turned out to be a bit of poo. :whistles:
Chapter 987 - The one where I put my colonoscopy paper pants on the wrong way around. :oopsie:
Chapter 1098 - The one where I had a panic attack because I hadn't farted for over an hour. :scared11:
Chapter 9876 - The one where my eyesight was blurred and I thought I had a brain tumour. (I was wearing the wrong glasses) :doh:
I could make a fortune?
Anyhoo, the blood was due to a fissure which healed itself after a few months. I was even able to trace it back to an exceptionally tricky poo I'd had.:whistles: I did not go down that rabbit hole because I put into practice everything I'd learned in CBT. Yes, there's some anxiety when a strange symptom crops up but that's actually normal. 'Some' anxiety spurs us to make the call. No anxiety is dangerous. We would all kill ourselves pretty darn quickly without the ability to feel anxiety! Then there is the anxiety which comes with HA where we can literally think ourselves into a state of terror and fear when there is nothing physically wrong with us. That's where you are now..
I wish you all the luck in the world with the therapy lovely. But it's really not luck you need...
Chapter 1098 - The one where I had a panic attack because I hadn't farted for over an hour. :scared11:
I once had a panic attack because my farts sounded too high-pitched.
Chlobo, you have put a COLOSSAL amount of energy and time into chasing imaginary diseases, seeing doctors, Googling symptoms, and posting on here looking for constant reassurance, and if you can do all that, then you can put some of that energy & time into therapy.Re the Diazepam..
Don't get me wrong, medication has it's place with HA but only to lower severe anxiety levels sufficiently in order to be able to engage with the therapy. Pills deal with symptoms, not the psychological reason you are in this state. You're struggling because you fear dying and leaving your children, right? No pill can sort that out for you. Only learning to challenge your thoughts and changing your perception of death & dying can do that and that's what you should be getting with therapy. But any therapy is only as good as what you are prepared to put into it. You will be given the tools; it's up to you whether you use them or not.
I still have HA thoughts. Controlling HA isn't about never having those fearful thoughts- it's about how we respond when they come. You, lovely lady,are reacting with fear and panic to your thoughts because you haven't yet learned how to observe them and then decide whether or not you need to respond to them. Anxious people get ill too. The human body is awesome but it occasionally needs some help and what a great time to be alive in when it comes to medicine? Example: My brother almost died a few months ago. He had organ failure. He was unconscious for four days, ventilated, tubed up, bagged up. The works. Dude's just come back off his holidays and he's still here giving his baby sister shit - that's how bloody amazing the human body (and the NHS) is. So even when the crap does hit the fan, it doesn't have to be the end of the world. With HA, it's always the end of the world, even when it's a spot on our arse..
This is about finding the balance between reacting to a thought re a symptom with enough anxiety in order to call the doctor or to allow the thought to pass because it is irrational.
Example: I had a bleed from my bum last year. I saw the blood and I didn't freak out as I would have historically done. I decided that because it was new for me, it warranted a trip to the doctor. I made the call. I went for my appointment. My doctor snapped on the rubber gloves and had a good root around my bot-bot. Prior to the appointment, I didn't Google. I didn't contort myself into ridiculous positions in the bathroom with a mirror. I didn't allow myself to go with the worst case scenario HA thought because how many times have I done that in my life? Trillions! :wacko:
I really should write a book on my epically long history of health anxiety..
Chapter 200 - The time I shouted 'THERE IS SOMETHING STUCK IN MY SODDING ARSE' at my husband and he was on the phone to the GP (AWKS) :ohmy:
Chapter 456 - The time when I thought my bowels had prolapsed and it turned out to be a bit of poo. :whistles:
Chapter 987 - The one where I put my colonoscopy paper pants on the wrong way around. :oopsie:
Chapter 1098 - The one where I had a panic attack because I hadn't farted for over an hour. :scared11:
Chapter 9876 - The one where my eyesight was blurred and I thought I had a brain tumour. (I was wearing the wrong glasses) :doh:
I could make a fortune?
Anyhoo, the blood was due to a fissure which healed itself after a few months. I was even able to trace it back to an exceptionally tricky poo I'd had.:whistles: I did not go down that rabbit hole because I put into practice everything I'd learned in CBT. Yes, there's some anxiety when a strange symptom crops up but that's actually normal. 'Some' anxiety spurs us to make the call. No anxiety is dangerous. We would all kill ourselves pretty darn quickly without the ability to feel anxiety! Then there is the anxiety which comes with HA where we can literally think ourselves into a state of terror and fear when there is nothing physically wrong with us. That's where you are now..
I wish you all the luck in the world with the therapy lovely. But it's really not luck you need...
I can't seem to trace my symptoms back to anything, it started with a numb butt feeling and now almost 3 months on I'm here. The tingling has only just started the last three days and I don't understand how the doctor can be so 'certain' without running tests. He did some neurological checks but honestly I'm shocked he didn't want to do more, especially when I told him I'm now tingling. I can feel the tingling in my bum cheeks, the top of my legs and around my groin. I'm wearing leggings so nothing is too tight. It scares the living daylights out of me. He said he knows it isn't a Spinal T but how when he hasn't looked inside. I'm just experiencing all these awful symptoms and it's not stopping
I can't seem to trace my symptoms back to anything, it started with a numb butt feeling and now almost 3 months on I'm here. The tingling has only just started the last three days and I don't understand how the doctor can be so 'certain' without running tests. He did some neurological checks but honestly I'm shocked he didn't want to do more, especially when I told him I'm now tingling. I can feel the tingling in my bum cheeks, the top of my legs and around my groin. I'm wearing leggings so nothing is too tight. It scares the living daylights out of me. He said he knows it isn't a Spinal T but how when he hasn't looked inside. I'm just experiencing all these awful symptoms and it's not stopping
I actually asked the doctor if it was a good thing that I could feel a fart In my bum, and did that mean I wasn't numb?
You need to believe your GP Chlobo. If they were at all concerned they would do more. It's your health anxiety.
WorryRaptor
31-03-22, 17:55
I can't seem to trace my symptoms back to anything, it started with a numb butt feeling and now almost 3 months on I'm here. The tingling has only just started the last three days and I don't understand how the doctor can be so 'certain' without running tests. He did some neurological checks but honestly I'm shocked he didn't want to do more, especially when I told him I'm now tingling. I can feel the tingling in my bum cheeks, the top of my legs and around my groin. I'm wearing leggings so nothing is too tight. It scares the living daylights out of me. He said he knows it isn't a Spinal T but how when he hasn't looked inside. I'm just experiencing all these awful symptoms and it's not stopping
You don't really need to trace it back to anything for it to have a perfectly benign reason. The human body does crazy stuff without rhyme or reason sometimes. Even hormones being slightly out of whack can cause some intense symptoms, including tingling and numbness, so imagine what a state of perpetual stress and anxiety can do to you.
Have you had the basics checked in your bloodwork? You could just be low in a certain vitamin which happens to us all from time to time. Being low in B12 and folate can cause tingling, fatigue, and even an increase in anxiety.
Why not make your priority getting your little girl back? Instead of focusing on your HA? Prove to your ex that you are mentally committed to her wellbeing and are prepared to engage fully in appropriate therapy?
You don't really need to trace it back to anything for it to have a perfectly benign reason. The human body does crazy stuff without rhyme or reason sometimes. Even hormones being slightly out of whack can cause some intense symptoms, including tingling and numbness, so imagine what a state of perpetual stress and anxiety can do to you.
Have you had the basics checked in your bloodwork? You could just be low in a certain vitamin which happens to us all from time to time. Being low in B12 and folate can cause tingling, fatigue, and even an increase in anxiety.
I had blood work done last august/September in A&E and the doctor said my bloods were perfect.
He didn't mention vitamins.
I've had my thyroid bloods tested in October time as well and that was all normal.
My vitamins I wouldn't be surprised if they were low as I'm not eating much, or very well. I feel sick a lot and lose my appetite when I'm highly anxious which is basically always.
It's just upsetting that it's tingling in the lower extremity which is technically the area I'm worried about. I'm petrified of losing bladder control too, I'm always on edge waiting for it to happen. It's torture. I just don't know how to handle this, the fear is so strong
Why not make your priority getting your little girl back? Instead of focusing on your HA? Prove to your ex that you are mentally committed to her wellbeing and are prepared to engage fully in appropriate therapy?
Hey Pul, I am. My ex partner doesn't know I have health anxiety, when we were together I felt pretty stable.
This I'm turn has made my HA so much worse, plus I'm on no meds still as waiting for the physc appointment to come in.
Hey Pul, I am. My ex partner doesn't know I have health anxiety, when we were together I felt pretty stable regarding my health. Our relationship was very bad and he was abusive, after we split and I had my baby girl it got bad again.
We have a court order in place but he just took her and didn't bring her back, we had a little row over him having a new girlfriend around penny who I didn't know and wasn't comfortable with, it ensued into a bit of back and forth and I ended up throwing a Tupperware box that accidentally landed on his car, he went home and smashed up his wing mirror, called the police and told them I had criminally damaged his car and then refused to bring my baby home because he said I am 'dangerous' and 'violent' which isn't true but he is abusive and he's done the worst thing he could ever do to me by taking my baby girl. That's the short of it anyway. I've done everything regarding the court myself, but I'm waiting for another court date at the moment.
This I'm turn has made my HA so much worse, plus I'm on no meds still as waiting for the physc appointment to come in.
The judge at our first hearing last week said what he's done is abduction. I just have to wait for the next hearing to come in which hopefully will be next week. I haven't seen her for four weeks, I went to his house to try and get her and he called the police. He hasn't even let me see her on a video call. He's totally cut contact with me. My health anxiety was already really bad before this as you all know but this has piled the extra stress on and I'm not coping. The Diazepam doesn't really do a lot either. I just want to see my little one. My mind is jumping from my baby to Cancer and then back again, and it's too much.
I once had a panic attack because my farts sounded too high-pitched.
Been there too Blue. :blush:
I have a recollection of lifting my arse cheek, farting, and asking my husband if it sounded normal to him..
The look on his face...:roflmao:
Ohyes. Mr. Iris is lovely but I really baffled him sometimes.
Have had some major breakthroughs this year when I haven't had a major freakout each time he got a cold.
He said he knows it isn't a Spinal T but how when he hasn't looked inside. I'm just experiencing all these awful symptoms and it's not stopping
Because he did the five years at med school.
Then another one or two to be registered with the GMC.
Because he's seen (and possibly treated) people with spinal tumours.
Because he knows what to look for and he will have been watching you from the moment you walk through his door..
Because he knows that you're dealing with a psychological issue, not a physical one.
The symptoms you describe are anxiety ones and if you'd taken the time to look at that comprehensive list of anxiety symptoms on that link I sent you via PM, you would find your symptoms there PLUS the explanation for them. Instead you are choosing to put your effort into symptom dumping and seeking reassurance, again. Is it helping you in any positive way? Doubtful.
Tingling is a very common anxiety symptom. I have it a lot. We get the same symptom/sensation when we are excited. How about you try & think about this way?
The other thing to consider is that you're taking Diazepam and I have experienced this kind of symptom when I've been on certain medications so it could be this or a combination of the two..
"Tingling and numbness is found among people who take Diazepam, especially for people who are female, 30-39 old, have been taking the drug for < 1 month."
Sometime Google can be useful...
However, you have a raging case of health anxiety which means that you will ignore these more logical & likely causes and stick with what terrifies you. This is because your HA gremlin is in control, not you. He wants you to be scared shitless and so he continues to feed you lies..
Ohyes. Mr. Iris is lovely but I really baffled him sometimes.
My husband uses those actual words, "You baffle me" but I think that's in general. :D
Have had some major breakthroughs this year when I haven't had a major freakout each time he got a cold.
Good to hear you are making progress. Good on ya! :yesyes:
Thanks! It was always the one thing that was guaranteed to make me lose my shit (even if I had the exact same cold first) but this time I didn't even bother at all.
Hey Pul, I am. My ex partner doesn't know I have health anxiety, when we were together I felt pretty stable regarding my health. Our relationship was very bad and he was abusive, after we split and I had my baby girl it got bad again.
We have a court order in place but he just took her and didn't bring her back, we had a little row over him having a new girlfriend around penny who I didn't know and wasn't comfortable with, it ensued into a bit of back and forth and I ended up throwing a Tupperware box that accidentally landed on his car, he went home and smashed up his wing mirror, called the police and told them I had criminally damaged his car and then refused to bring my baby home because he said I am 'dangerous' and 'violent' which isn't true but he is abusive and he's done the worst thing he could ever do to me by taking my baby girl. That's the short of it anyway. I've done everything regarding the court myself, but I'm waiting for another court date at the moment.
This I'm turn has made my HA so much worse, plus I'm on no meds still as waiting for the physc appointment to come in.
Surely social services would be involved with this?
Thanks! It was always the one thing that was guaranteed to make me lose my shit (even if I had the exact same cold first) but this time I didn't even bother at all.
That's what the aim is - not to react with fear. Good job Blue! :yesyes:
Surely social services would be involved with this?
I have a lot of people trying to help me and the police have done safety checks on her. Because she isn't in immediate danger they can't take her.
He has parental rights so they won't pick and choose between parents, I just have to wait for family courts. I just wish they would hurry up. I'm calling everyday to try and speed it up
Because he did the five years at med school.
Then another one or two to be registered with the GMC.
Because he's seen (and possibly treated) people with spinal tumours.
Because he knows what to look for and he will have been watching you from the moment you walk through his door..
Because he knows that you're dealing with a psychological issue, not a physical one.
The symptoms you describe are anxiety ones and if you'd taken the time to look at that comprehensive list of anxiety symptoms on that link I sent you via PM, you would find your symptoms there PLUS the explanation for them. Instead you are choosing to put your effort into symptom dumping and seeking reassurance, again. Is it helping you in any positive way? Doubtful.
Tingling is a very common anxiety symptom. I have it a lot. We get the same symptom/sensation when we are excited. How about you try & think about this way?
The other thing to consider is that you're taking Diazepam and I have experienced this kind of symptom when I've been on certain medications so it could be this or a combination of the two..
"Tingling and numbness is found among people who take Diazepam, especially for people who are female, 30-39 old, have been taking the drug for < 1 month."
Sometime Google can be useful...
However, you have a raging case of health anxiety which means that you will ignore these more logical & likely causes and stick with what terrifies you. This is because your HA gremlin is in control, not you. He wants you to be scared shitless and so he continues to feed you lies..
I will go back into your message and read that link Nora. I woke up this morning and I had a numb patch on my leg, i sprang out of bed in a panic. I came downstairs and it's gone now so I'm trying to tell myself I was lying on that area. I also have an area on my hip sort of where my knicker line is which isn't as sensitive. I can pinch the skin and it doesn't feel like much. It just seems every day there is something popping up.
It's interesting to know that about the Diazepam too. In actual fact I have put jogging bottoms on today and I can't feel the tingling feeling as much, maybe it was the material on my clothes causing the sensation? I'm so so bloody anxious, I keep trying to reassure myself but I'm getting these awful intrusive images in my head. To totally reassure myself I would need a brain and spine scan, and I don't think I'm going to get one. It's the Easter holidays now for my kids and they are off school for two weeks, I struggle with the holidays when I feel like this because I want to sit and do nothing, i end up sat on my sofa just frozen with fear most of the day, or I go to my friends and do the same at hers. It's my sons birthday on the 16th April and I've invited one of his friends to have have some dinner here with us and and a play but I'm dreading it, absolutely dreading it. I just want my little one home and this awful fear to stop.
I will go back into your message and read that link Nora.
No you won't...
I woke up this morning and I had a numb patch on my leg, i sprang out of bed in a panic. I came downstairs and it's gone now so I'm trying to tell myself I was lying on that area. I also have an area on my hip sort of where my knicker line is which isn't as sensitive. I can pinch the skin and it doesn't feel like much. It just seems every day there is something popping up.
When you go to put your foot on the floor and you fall out of bed because there's no feeling there, then you have a problem..
It's interesting to know that about the Diazepam too.
Literally took me 5 seconds to find this out Chlobo. If I'm on meds, especially new meds (when my body tolerates them that is) and I have symptoms crop up, medication side-effects are my first port of call.
To totally reassure myself I would need a brain and spine scan, and I don't think I'm going to get one.
Probably not. But even if you were to have one, you would be reassured only until the next symptom crops up and then you would start to doubt the results. They missed something. The machine was on the blink. Someone else has your results...
It's the Easter holidays now for my kids and they are off school for two weeks, I struggle with the holidays when I feel like this because I want to sit and do nothing
Health anxiety LOVES inactivity. Thrives on it because there is nothing to distract us from those SCARY thoughts. This is posh nosh for the HA gremlin. Better to get moving. Do something. Go somewhere - anywhere. Just don't sit there and allow that little git to run feral in your mind...
There's an interesting few comments about using swear words on another thread. I swear at my HA gremlin. I call him words that would get me banned on here. It helps me.
Find a way to deal with your Gremlin. Have some fun with this. Be creative. Make fun of it. He really hates that. Laugh at him and he will shrink faster than a willy in a cold shower. Truth.
Fear and laughter cannot exist at the same time. I mean real laughter, not the manic kind of serial killers..
i end up sat on my sofa just frozen with fear most of the day, or I go to my friends and do the same at hers. It's my sons birthday on the 16th April and I've invited one of his friends to have have some dinner here with us and and a play but I'm dreading it, absolutely dreading it.
How about you promise yourself that you are going to 'park' your HA for a few hours? Be a mum. Don't allow HA to take another joy away from you.
What if somebody told you that this party would be the last thing you do on Earth. What you you do? Would you choose to spend that precious time as you are now? Or would you say fluff it, I'm going to give my kid something good to remember me by. This won't be the last thing you do Chlobo but it can very useful an exercise..
READ THAT LINK I SENT YOU.
I just want my little one home and this awful fear to stop.
I pray that your little one will come back to you soon...
No you won't...
When you go to put your foot on the floor and you fall out of bed because there's no feeling there, then you have a problem..
Literally took me 5 seconds to find this out Chlobo. If I'm on meds, especially new meds (when my body tolerates them that is) and I have symptoms crop up, medication side-effects are my first port of call.
Probably not. But even if you were to have one, you would be reassured only until the next symptom crops up and then you would start to doubt the results. They missed something. The machine was on the blink. Someone else has your results...
Health anxiety LOVES inactivity. Thrives on it because there is nothing to distract us from those SCARY thoughts. This is posh nosh for the HA gremlin. Better to get moving. Do something. Go somewhere - anywhere. Just don't sit there and allow that little git to run feral in your mind...
There's an interesting few comments about using swear words on another thread. I swear at my HA gremlin. I call him words that would get me banned on here. It helps me.
Find a way to deal with your Gremlin. Have some fun with this. Be creative. Make fun of it. He really hates that. Laugh at him and he will shrink faster than a willy in a cold shower. Truth.
Fear and laughter cannot exist at the same time. I mean real laughter, not the manic kind of serial killers..
How about you promise yourself that you are going to 'park' your HA for a few hours? Be a mum. Don't allow HA to take another joy away from you.
What if somebody told you that this party would be the last thing you do on Earth. What you you do? Would you choose to spend that precious time as you are now? Or would you say fluff it, I'm going to give my kid something good to remember me by. This won't be the last thing you do Chlobo but it can very useful an exercise..
READ THAT LINK I SENT YOU.
I pray that your little one will come back to you soon...
I just read the link Nora and yes it was comforting and also quite weird how that can be an anxiety symptom, the tingling and numbness feelings.
I get the same where I can stick a pin in myself and I don't really feel it at all.
At the moment I have that phobia of losing bladder control, so walking around in public places is hard. I'm not bothering about my appearance, I look like Hagrid right now which also makes me conscious to get out.
I actually laughed manically the other day because someone said the brain doesn't know the difference and I wondered if it would help my mood, it didn't really but then yeah it was along the lines of a serial killers laugh.
I would say bugger it and go spend my time with my kids, and that's what I keep trying to install in my brain but the handcuffs just remain. It's scary because if I'm out with the kids and I have a full blown panic attack it wouldn't be fair on them so I'm trying to stay near home so that doesn't happen.
I don't even want to go out because my little one isn't with me, I feel like my arm is missing without her.
I get my moments where I do, I shout at myself, I get angry. I've actually hit myself because it makes me rage. I feel like a prisoner in my own home and my own mind. The last year has been hard but this is now rock bottom and everyone tells me there is the way up and out but I can't see it. I'm crying regularly, I'm not eating, I'm existing. I actually get scared when I need a poo, pooing actually scares me, in case I don't 'feel' it. It's torture. And yeah I know my posts are all woe is me but that's just how it feels right now, I can't escape my body, and I'm scared of it. I miss my baby, I actually feel like I'm grieving because I haven't seen her for 5 weeks, her sweet little face, her smell. I'm crying writing this. I just need the days to wither and fade away so I can see her again.
Chloe..You named your little girl a little while back and are going into quite a lot of detail on a public forum about a matter which has gone to court. Do be careful because your ex could exploit this?
Chloe..You named your little girl a little while back and are going into quite a lot of detail on a public forum about a matter which has gone to court. Do be careful because your ex could exploit this?
Yea you're right, I'm so stupid. I'll edit it all out. Thanks Pul
I just read the link Nora and yes it was comforting and also quite weird how that can be an anxiety symptom, the tingling and numbness feelings.
I get the same where I can stick a pin in myself and I don't really feel it at all.
I'm aiming for comforting AND educational. :shades:
At the moment I have that phobia of losing bladder control, so walking around in public places is hard. I'm not bothering about my appearance, I look like Hagrid right now which also makes me conscious to get out.
Plenty of stress incontinence pads and pants out there. Buy some. Wear them. Go out.
If you look like Hagrid, get a mobile hairdresser in..
I actually laughed manically the other day because someone said the brain doesn't know the difference and I wondered if it would help my mood, it didn't really but then yeah it was along the lines of a serial killers laugh.
The brain doesn't know the difference between a real fear or an imagined one. Your body will react the same way - which is to release stress hormones. Forcing yourself to laugh isn't the same as laughing at something you've genuinely found amusing. A genuine laugh triggers the release of endorphins (the happy chemicals) and boosts the immune system. Genuine laughter reduces the likes of adrenalin & cortisol - the chemicals which your system is being bombarded with because of your stress levels - so much of which is down to your thoughts..
I would say bugger it and go spend my time with my kids, and that's what I keep trying to install in my brain but the handcuffs just remain.
The type of handcuffs that you're actually wearing (albeit an analogy) are like those toy ones where we can free ourselves at any time. Visualise yourself pulling your hands free instead of the real ones which require someone else to unlock them. You're expecting somebody else to unlock them and set you free but you're a prisoner of your own making here. You have the key. It's always been there. You are the key.
It's scary because if I'm out with the kids and I have a full blown panic attack it wouldn't be fair on them so I'm trying to stay near home so that doesn't happen.
I don't even want to go out because my little one isn't with me, I feel like my arm is missing without her.
With respect, and as gently as I can say this, I think you're using your kids as the excuse here. I'd argue that it's not exactly fair that your kids lives are dictated by your fear? And I've been here remember. And it wasn't fair on my son.
When was the last time you went out and had a 'full blown' panic attack? What are you basing this fear on? I did have a full blown panic attack while I was out the other week. I got through it. My husband didn't even know it was happening. That was in the cinema. I went to watch another film last night. No panic attack..
My heart goes out to you, it really does. But it's too easy to use other people as a reason for us not to push ourselves away from our four walls of safety..
I've actually hit myself because it makes me rage.
You need to gerrof the pity pot lovely and start helping yourself. Bottom line.
The last year has been hard but this is now rock bottom and everyone tells me there is the way up and out but I can't see it.
That's because you have your hands over your eyes..
Listen, when I was at rock bottom with HA I wasn't interested in what people had to say who had never had this condition. I wanted to hear from those who'd had it (and every bit as bad as me) and who'd got themselves out of it. What did they do? How did they manage it. And that's what you've got with me. Someone who 100% knows what you are going through and who was able to get control back, and that's alongside conditions that you don't have and brain that's wired up differently. If I can get a grip on this horrendous condition then most people can providing they are willing to put the effort in and try things. But you didn't even read that link when I sent it to you days ago. I would have been on that like a fly on shit. If there was even the slightest chance that I could improve my existence, I'd read it, eat it, think it- do it. That's the difference between you and me. That website contains THE most comprehensive list of anxiety symptoms AND WHY THEY HAPPEN that I've ever seen. It helped me immeasurably. It could help you. I gave you the link but you have to choose whether or not to read it..
I'm crying regularly, I'm not eating, I'm existing. I actually get scared when I need a poo, pooing actually scares me, in case I don't 'feel' it. It's torture. And yeah I know my posts are all woe is me but that's just how it feels right now, I can't escape my body, and I'm scared of it. I miss my baby, I actually feel like I'm grieving because I haven't seen her for 5 weeks, her sweet little face, her smell. I'm crying writing this. I just need the days to wither and fade away so I can see her again.
I am so sorry about your kid. It must be absolute hell for you. I mean, that's hardcore stress right there! But what you could do is tell yourself that you're going to use this time to get yourself into a better place mentally, physically - the whole shebang. Yes, you can absolutely fall apart and nobody would blame you for it, but what good will that do you or your kids?
Or you could find that inner strength I know you have in you and you can start fighting to get your kid back and also yourself. These days will pass and you have the choice (yes, you do) of how you spend this time and given the situation, I know which one I'd be going for..:shrug:
So today, I showered, walked my dog and took my daughter to a birthday party that her friend was having. All the while trying to push the thoughts away, including the tingling that's going on in my legs.
I forgot her booster seat for the car so I ended up walking back to my house to get it and then going back to her friends to drop it off. In a bit of a rush as they were leaving soon.
When I got home I went to my bedroom to gather myself as I felt energy less and I stared at the Carpet and it was moving in circular motions! It was a really odd visual disturbance. It's more confirmation, I'm so scared
I feel physically horrible, I had a drink and a banana and slept a little to try and calm down.
I'm tingling in my lower extremities and now this crazy eye thing. It's 3pm here but I don't know if I should be going to a&e. I'm not even sure what's going on anymore with me, maybe it's my brain that's the problem.
And what would you tell them at A&E if you went.
And what would you tell them at A&E if you went.
That I think there is something neurologically wrong, that I'm tingling, that I just had a strange visual episode. And I feel so physically weird all of the time.
Your 'crazy eye thing' is also extreme stress and anxiety manifesting in some strange disturbances. Experienced it myself years ago - seeing moving circles/other shapes on surfaces, surfaces shifting and floor heaving, everything spinning, blurred eyesight. In all honesty I could write a long list of visual changes that happen from a combination of adrenaline, facial tension, eye tension and extreme and constant hyper vigilance and stress - you WILL get things like this happening - its expected to get things like this happening with the state you have been in for so many months. Staring at carpets or any textured surface can make people have optical illusions, add in your level of high stress, and bingo !
I've told you there's nothing wrong and that I've experienced it myself, Chloe, but it hurts to be constantly disbelieved and to have my advice dismissed.
If you honestly think you don't have mental health problems right now, I doubt anybody on this forum can convince you differently.
Sorry Blue, wouldn't have replied further if I had seen you'd already done so about this 'eye thing'.
Impossible as this is for you to believe Chlobo, and I think at this point it does appear impossible, one day you will look back on this and be staggered at the condition you got yourself into in the name of HA.
No worries, Carys, I replied elsewhere. Besides, your advice is always really valuable.
Pamplemousse
02-04-22, 19:37
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKGTaplzmV4
haha I use to do this too - OMG I was obsessed by it!
MOVE ON ... seriously - nothing there...... xo
So today, I showered, walked my dog and took my daughter to a birthday party that her friend was having. All the while trying to push the thoughts away, including the tingling that's going on in my legs.
I forgot her booster seat for the car so I ended up walking back to my house to get it and then going back to her friends to drop it off. In a bit of a rush as they were leaving soon.
When I got home I went to my bedroom to gather myself as I felt energy less and I stared at the Carpet and it was moving in circular motions! It was a really odd visual disturbance. It's more confirmation, I'm so scared
....of anxiety - absolutely!
(Mods, please remove if not allowed)
Taken from the website I sent you the link to (Anxiety Central - I always put in Jim Folk & it takes me to the right place)
Experiencing visual irregularities, such as seeing stars, shimmers, blurs, halos, shadows, “ghosted images,” “heat wave-like images,” fogginess, flashes, and double-vision.
See things out of the corner of your eye that aren’t there.
Have narrowed or “tunnel” vision.
See things moving out of the corner of your eyes yet there isn’t anything actually there or moving.
Vision seems surreal, unusual, and dream-like.
Vision momentarily brightens or dims.
Have visual distortions where the imagery you are looking at seems distorted, out of normal shape, or appears odd-looking.
Kaleidoscope-like vision.
Vignette-like vision.
Unusual pulsing in your vision.
If you go onto the website you will find out why these visual symptoms happen.
Do this instead of immediately presuming that this common anxiety symptom is yet more evidence of your imagined disease?
I always have visual disturbance when I am highly anxious. During one episode of severe anxiety, I saw things crawling across the floor. You are underestimating (again) what anxiety can do!
Good job on the shower, walk and taking your daughter to a party...
Are you expecting HA to just disappear? That's not how it works. It will go with you but the important thing is that you GO. In not allowing HA to prevent you from doing normal things - you are sending a message that you might feel like shite but you're going to do them anyway. HA wants you to sit in a chair or lie in bed. In going out and doing things, this is a win for you. It might not feel like much of a win at the time, but it is - believe me.
WorryRaptor
03-04-22, 14:11
Nora is right that heightened anxiety can produce a lot of sensory symptoms. I've experienced this too.
I have OCD, and one of my phobias is based around bats biting me and giving me a fatal disease. I lay in bed one night convinced a bat was chattering and squeaking in the room. I was in a cold sweat, and shook my fiancé awake to tell him there was a bat in the room. He sat up, listened, and I heard a distinct series of clicks and squeaks, exactly like the bat noises I'd heard when I went to a bat sanctuary as a kid. But he didn't hear it at all. And he did his due diligence and listened intently for a whole minute. He even turned the light on and hunted for that mystery bat with me. Nothing. No bat. I still couldn't sleep for the rest of the night, and I kept hearing those soft chirps and chatters. At one point, I even felt something land on the bed. There was nothing there when I checked.
It was only on the second night did I realise that my brain was translating the soft, fabric noise of our duvet into actual bat noises! And those two sounds are in no way similar. My own toes brushing the covers has convinced my mind that a bat was crawling on my bedsheets too. I was mortified. In the end I had a good laugh about it, but the sheer terror I felt that night was real. I could have sworn my entire life on it being a bat in the room.
That's how powerful the mind is when it's convinced of something. Your senses will be the first thing to be affected by anxiety too. Sights, sounds, smells, feelings etc will seem like they came out of nowhere.
Hi everyone, thanks for the replies surrounding my eyes. It happened again today slightly, I was walking back home with the kids and the dog and i stopped and stared at the pavement and it slightly did it. I came home and stared at the carpet, and it didn't happen thankfully. Just when I seem to rush about I get a bit dizzy.
I have never felt like this before, I feel lightheaded when i do a lot of walking, I haven't been doing much exercise recently and I'm so stressed and anxious all of the time. I ran a feather down my legs and over my bum today because they felt weird, I could feel it thank goodness. Blue you did reply to me but it scared me a lot so I wanted to post on here too
I am wondering if the stopping of the anti depressants could still cause me to feel strange. I was on citalopram for 4 or 5 years and then the doctor changed it to Sertraline which made my tummy bad so he took me off them. I have always been on antidepressants since i was in my early 20's i'm now 31, and now i'm on nothing at all. Could this also be impacting how i feel? I have been off them for almost 6 weeks now so I'm not sure if my brain is still all over the place as I have been on meds for such a long time, but then I am unsure if they would be out of my system by now. Its scary thinking I'm now on nothing but the psycologist will hopefully give me some more help regarding medication and whats best to take.
Funnily enough now you have mentioned about the bats, I think whats causing the tingling is my leggings against my skin. When i wear pyjama trousers I cant feel it. I have never noticed this sensation before but I am very focused on my lower half right now. I can definitely feel the anxiety has affected my senses
What did you used to do Tan?
Thankyou thats handy to know. I had my eyes tested not long ago as you all know, and that was all okay. But it scared me into thinking its my brain going wrong. It was definitley an optical illusion for sure
Thanks Nora, I guess I'm trying to force it to dissapear, I'm trying my best to cope but I'm really struggling. I almost went to A&E again yesterday but my mum refused to look after the kids so i couldn't go. I'm struggling with how i'm physically feeling, everything feels 'off' and weird. Like my skin doesn't feel as sensitive as it should be on my legs and back, I keep feeling dizzy when I exert myself. I just keep thinking I'm so sure I have a spine tumor, or even possibly something going on with the brain. I do really feel like shite is a good way to describe it, I am really trying to keep going. I took the dog for a walk today and dropped my kids to a club. I have an appointment tomorrow with someone from the mental health team thats coming to my home. I'm just in a constant state of panic and fear that I'm dying from a tumor in my spine
I couldnt remember if you said you had experienced the same Blue, I'm just in an awful state of anxiety. I definitley do have mental health problems, anxiety being a huge factor. I do agree with that. I just keep thinking im physically unwell on top of it
I think it's happened to a whole lot of us, Chloe. I'll drop you a line later tomorrow once I'm not in work.
Chlobo, I just posted something to the main HA forum about sensorimotor OCD. In my opinion, the "bowel and bladder" part of that page, under "obsessions", as well as some of the "compulsions", directly sound like what you are describing. Please do have a look.
Thank you. I have read through it and it was very interesting. I am obsessed with how my bladder and bowel feel, as well as some of the feelings that were described about the clothes on skin feelings. Some of that matches up directly with how I'm feeling. I also had the breathing issue a few months ago when I was so concentrated on it I couldn't think of anything else, which then resulted in a trip to A&E. It's funny because no one has ever really mentioned the OCD traits until now, so I have never read about them and when I read about them it really matches up
Do you mean you have experienced the exact same? (yes that's my need for total validation right there)
Thanks Blue, I've been quiet for a few days, more so because I annoyed you :unsure:
And okay yes, I'll chat with you tomorrow if you're able too
Not going to answer your question, because it's impossible to answer.
Thanks Nora, I guess I'm trying to force it to dissapear, I'm trying my best to cope but I'm really struggling. I almost went to A&E again yesterday but my mum refused to look after the kids so i couldn't go. I'm struggling with how i'm physically feeling, everything feels 'off' and weird.
Exactly how you'd expect someone who is severely anxious to feel. The stress response isn't supposed to be pleasant and that's what this is. In the normal way (as in direct threat) the response kicks in and feels very unpleasant but that's the point. If it felt lovely, would we be motivated to shift out the way of that bus, car, or whatever was heading straight at us? No we would not. We'd stay put and get killed. With you there is no actual threat. It's your own fearful thoughts which are triggering this NORMAL response. And constantly, so your body never fully recovers from the release of stress hormones. That's why you feel 'off'. and 'weird'.
Now have a think about the likeliness of you feeling 'off' and 'weird' if you really had something as serious as a spine tumour? You would have significant symptoms, and most likely be in a LOT of pain, because this is the spine and there are a lot of nerves there. The symptoms wouldn't be at all vague. Your doctor would know there was something wrong and most likely from the way you walked in, that is if you could actually walk. You would have symptoms like complete loss of bowel and bladder function. One minute you are worrying about symptoms connected with the lower part of your spine, next it's your eyes, so you presume your spine is riddled with cancer and you think that a bit of dizziness would be the only problem when walking your dog? Of course you do because you have severe health anxiety!
How about, the next time you notice that you feel dizzy, you say to yourself, 'I feel dizzy again, and it feels unpleasant, but I know what this is. It's fight or flight. It won't harm me. It's my body trying to protect me. I'm ok'.
I keep feeling dizzy when I exert myself.
Think back to the fight or flight again. Imagine that you've just had a near miss with a car. You step off the pavement and one almost runs into you. The stress response kicks in. Your heart starts racing and blood is pumped to those areas of your body which need it in order for you to respond appropriately. Your muscles tighten. Your breathing quickens. You feel lightheaded and dizzy and this is because blood is diverted away from the brain as it's needed elsewhere. You might feel sick too. Familiar?
With your health anxiety, there is no car. There is no real threat to your life. It's your thoughts, those CONSTANT THOUGHTS which are keeping you in fight or flight. Are you following me?
I just keep thinking I'm so sure I have a spine tumor, or even possibly something going on with the brain.
And your nervous system is responding to this AS IT SHOULD DO, except that you are confusing those normal fight or flight symptoms with symptoms of the current disease you imagine you have.
I have an appointment tomorrow with someone from the mental health team thats coming to my home.
Good.
Thanks Nora.
I get what you're saying I do. I have a constant 'feeling' of tightness down below, like I'm clenching the muscles when I don't want too, it's uncomfortable. Also I keep 'feeling' like wee is coming out but when I check there is nothing there. I'm having the odd wet patch on my pants but it seems to be after a shower, but I have dried myself properly so I don't understand. This morning I woke up and did a big pee but I didn't really have any desperation to go. I'm slightly constipated this morning too so that's also worrying me. I have done the feather test and I could feel it but I have no sex drive at all like I said before which is unusual for me, then i worry that's due to something wrong as well.
I don't know what to believe anymore, I just feel so bad, and everything with my little girl is making it so much worse. I've got someone coming from the mental health team this afternoon so I'll see what they say
Would I be able to hold urine in at night if there was an issue?
Thanks Nora.
I get what you're saying I do.
But it makes no difference at all because fear is in control..
I have a constant 'feeling' of tightness down below, like I'm clenching the muscles when I don't want too, it's uncomfortable.
That's most likely pelvic floor tension. I tense up down there all the time. So do millions of other women. It's treatable. And you know what? The more you scare yourself with these irrational thoughts, the tighter you will squeeze those muscles..
[/QUOTE] Also I keep 'feeling' like wee is coming out but when I check there is nothing there.[/QUOTE]
Moist vagina? You lucky lady! Mine's got cobwebs. :roflmao:
This morning I woke up and did a big pee but I didn't really have any desperation to go. I'm slightly constipated this morning too so that's also worrying me. I have done the feather test and I could feel it but I have no sex drive at all like I said before which is unusual for me, then i worry that's due to something wrong as well.
Feather test? Dare I ask where this feather went? :ohmy:
As for sex drive...
You are stressed out of your mind lovely. Fight or flight is jammed on. Your body doesn't want sex. It's that simple. :shrug:
Here are some symptoms of a tight pelvic floor..
Muscle spasms and contractions in the pelvic area ( I get this)
A frequent need to urinate (and this)
Difficulty in starting and/or maintaining the flow of urine
Feelings of urgency (bladder or bowel) (this)
Pain when urinating
Inability to totally empty your bladder (this)
Constipation (and this)
I don't know what to believe anymore, I just feel so bad, and everything with my little girl is making it so much worse. I've got someone coming from the mental health team this afternoon so I'll see what they say
You can't see what's rational because fear is in control and it will remain in control until you do something about it. Regardless of what we say on here, you're coming out with the same lines you were days ago. I'd say it was a complete waste of our time if it wasn't for the fact that other people are reading this thread who are taking notice..
There are so many lifelines around you but you refuse to grab onto them. YOU HAVE TO HOLD YOUR HAND OUT AND GRAB ONTO THE LINE IN ORDER TO PULL YOURSELF OUT.
The MH team is yet another lifeline but if you are considering this as yet an opportunity to symptom dump etc, then it won't be of any use to you because the focus will be on your imaginary terminal disease and not on your very real MH issue..
I really hope they can help you Chlo..
I would hope that they would tell Chloe not to use this forum to symptom dump continuously.
So she came and talked to me for about two hours. She's going to speak to the psychologist who is going to speak to me about some new medication. She gave me some practical things to do as well. I think she's like a care coordinator so someone that will just support me with my mental health.
But a spanner in the works again, my last period I bled and then stopped, then 3 days later I suddenly started to bleed again. It worried me but I thought it may have been my anxiety or something.
Well fast forward I have just finished my period again, I bled for about 4 days and it stopped. I went to the toilet and I'm constipated so I strained, and when I wiped my front there is blood! I'm not sure if my period is starting again and I have triggered the bleeding by straining but I'm so worried. Either way that's two periods that have been irregular. My last smear was a year ago and I had some yucky cells which they burned off at the hospital. I'm due another smear but now I'm terrified!
My friend said not to worry and it could even be related to having covid at Christmas as her sisters periods got a bit weird then. But I'm really worried. The more I strain the more blood there is when I wipe. And nothing is coming out in my pad as of yet that I've put on
I would hope that they would tell Chloe not to use this forum to symptom dump continuously.
Apparently not...
WorryRaptor
08-04-22, 16:27
So she came and talked to me for about two hours. She's going to speak to the psychologist who is going to speak to me about some new medication. She gave me some practical things to do as well. I think she's like a care coordinator so someone that will just support me with my mental health.
But a spanner in the works again, my last period I bled and then stopped, then 3 days later I suddenly started to bleed again. It worried me but I thought it may have been my anxiety or something.
Well fast forward I have just finished my period again, I bled for about 4 days and it stopped. I went to the toilet and I'm constipated so I strained, and when I wiped my front there is blood! I'm not sure if my period is starting again and I have triggered the bleeding by straining but I'm so worried. Either way that's two periods that have been irregular. My last smear was a year ago and I had some yucky cells which they burned off at the hospital. I'm due another smear but now I'm terrified!
Hormones are really easily put out of whack by physical stress and anxiety. My periods were funny for 4 months after I had a few weeks of high intensity stress from work. Even after the stress had gone away, my body took time to catch up with the fact.
You've been wound up to 90 for the past couple of months, so it would be surprising if your cycle WASN'T affected in some way. You're also in your 30's, where hormonal changes do start to happen. Cycles get longer/shorter, stop and start, and spotting happens more often when straining if its around the time of your period etc.
I actually counted down to when this started and it's been 3 months of pure panic. that's helpful to know it affected your cycle too. I know stress can do things for sure. Just another thing that made me panic. The lady that came to see me today gave me some forms to look at, some have anxiety symptoms on which I have been reading
The lady that came to see me today gave me some forms to look at, some have anxiety symptoms on which I have been reading
Reading isn't understanding and you need to understand this MH condition in order to effectively control it.
You introduced yourself to this forum in 2014. There's been 8 years worth of threads such as this one. Remember what the original ones were? Dizziness. Tingling. Numbness. Leading to the fear of brain cancer. All classic symptoms of anxiety. It's 2022 and here you are again with the same symptoms and the same fears. As frustrating as this is to us, maybe it's just not your time yet? As in, it took me over four decades to reach the point where I made that mental shift. More so, that I was able to do so. In my case, half of that time, I didn't know what was happening to me had a name. The change came at the point where I was 100% accepting that I was dying. I let go of the fear andsomething clicked in my brain. I didn't die, obvs, but the mental shift remained and I worked my arse off to gain control of this disorder and I've been in control ever since despite numerous real health issues. I know what it takes to control this and because of this I want to try and help everyone to control theirs. But it's not that easy is it? Not everybody listens. You're not listening. You're 'talking' but you're not listening. When you make that mental shift, you will listen. You will do whatever it takes and not give up at the first hurdle (or second, third, fourth, fifth). I was 47 when this happened to me. HA had been controlling me since I was a very small child. It's still with me, but it no longer controls me.
It's our thoughts that create this disorder and it's challenging those thoughts that will put us back in control. This is the bottom line, and it is by no means 'easy'.
And it starts with acceptance.
Acceptance that we're going to die one day - a cert for every living thing on this planet.
Acceptance that our kids will not only survive but will thrive without us. It's quite the ego trip to imagine that we are so singularly important that our kids will shrivel & die if we're not there, right? How about we step out of a fearfully imagined future and into the present where we can make the kind of memories that will make our children smile when we're gone? Those type of memories cannot be made where there's fear..
Acceptance that we might get ill but that doesn't mean death. (I have numerous health conditions but I'm not dying)
Acceptance that no matter what shit life throws at us, we have the choice of how to respond - even if the initial response is to fall apart.
All the best with therapy lovely and I hope you get your little girl back soon. X
Reading isn't understanding and you need to understand this MH condition in order to effectively control it.
You introduced yourself to this forum in 2014. There's been 8 years worth of threads such as this one. Remember what the original ones were? Dizziness. Tingling. Numbness. Leading to the fear of brain cancer. All classic symptoms of anxiety. It's 2022 and here you are again with the same symptoms and the same fears. As frustrating as this is to us, maybe it's just not your time yet? As in, it took me over four decades to reach the point where I made that mental shift. More so, that I was able to do so. In my case, half of that time, I didn't know what was happening to me had a name. The change came at the point where I was 100% accepting that I was dying. I let go of the fear andsomething clicked in my brain. I didn't die, obvs, but the mental shift remained and I worked my arse off to gain control of this disorder and I've been in control ever since despite numerous real health issues. I know what it takes to control this and because of this I want to try and help everyone to control theirs. But it's not that easy is it? Not everybody listens. You're not listening. You're 'talking' but you're not listening. When you make that mental shift, you will listen. You will do whatever it takes and not give up at the first hurdle (or second, third, fourth, fifth). I was 47 when this happened to me. HA had been controlling me since I was a very small child. It's still with me, but it no longer controls me.
It's our thoughts that create this disorder and it's challenging those thoughts that will put us back in control. This is the bottom line, and it is by no means 'easy'.
And it starts with acceptance.
Acceptance that we're going to die one day - a cert for every living thing on this planet.
Acceptance that our kids will not only survive but will thrive without us. It's quite the ego trip to imagine that we are so singularly important that our kids will shrivel & die if we're not there, right? How about we step out of a fearfully imagined future and into the present where we can make the kind of memories that will make our children smile when we're gone? Those type of memories cannot be made where there's fear..
Acceptance that we might get ill but that doesn't mean death. (I have numerous health conditions but I'm not dying)
Acceptance that no matter what shit life throws at us, we have the choice of how to respond - even if the initial response is to fall apart.
All the best with therapy lovely and I hope you get your little girl back soon. X
It's just hard for me to accept what the doctor has said when he hasn't run any real tests.
I really struggle unless I can see proof in front of me.
I definitely haven't made that mental shift, I say I'm going too but then a symptom comes and throws me off the path and I go straight back down again.
The self testing is constant, I've been running a feather down my leg and my lower leg nearer to my foot I can't feel it that much as other areas on my leg, it scares me.
I managed to go out today and sit at the park with a friend, I'm struggling to be out for too long in case I wet myself so that was a big thing today. I am just petrified of wetting myself and losing bladder control
I'm just sat here trying to eat some dinner and I felt 'something' come out. I went to the toilet to check my pants and there was a wet patch at the back 😭 I can't figure out if it's pee. I'm so scared
utrocket09
11-04-22, 01:00
I'm just sat here trying to eat some dinner and I felt 'something' come out. I went to the toilet to check my pants and there was a wet patch at the back 😭 I can't figure out if it's pee. I'm so scared
And what it is urine? I leak urine all the time. And I have had loose of my bowels before when I have been sick.
I mean I am honestly asking...what if is urine ?
And what it is urine? I leak urine all the time. And I have had loose of my bowels before when I have been sick.
I mean I am honestly asking...what if is urine ?
I'm scared because loss of bladder control the doctor said would happen if there was a spine tumor and now the wet patch
I'm scared because loss of bladder control the doctor said would happen if there was a spine tumor and now the wet patch
I've just gone to the toilet after being asleep all night and I've done a big wee, would that of just come out at night. I'm so scared
You slept through the night then went for a wee. Chloe, you do know you're being ludicrous, right? Are you making any effort at all to just let these thoughts float past you?
I and so many others have talked you through this; is it any wonder we get frustrated?
You slept through the night then went for a wee. Chloe, you do know you're being ludicrous, right? Are you making any effort at all to just let these thoughts float past you?
I and so many others have talked you through this; is it any wonder we get frustrated?
I don't know if I am being silly, I'm just scared. That wet patch has really thrown me off the bus.
I went for a wee just now as I woke up but I'm scared that I'm slowly losing bladder control.
I have been trying too, so the numbness sensations I've been batting away but the wet patch has just scared me to death
Backing away now, because I'm getting angry and I know that's not fair on you.
From this side of the screen, though, you seem to be actively rejecting all support you're being offered from all sources. I really do like you, and I hope you manage to work this out without losing any more than you already have.
Backing away now, because I'm getting angry and I know that's not fair on you.
From this side of the screen, though, you seem to be actively rejecting all support you're being offered from all sources. I really do like you, and I hope you manage to work this out without losing any more than you already have.
I've lost everything blue, it doesn't get lower than this
I am going to pick myself up out of this shit hole and I'm going to take my daughter to her hospital appointment and I am going to not let this fear stop me from moving
I'm glad to hear it. I've said before - you WILL look back on this and realise you wasted some of your life in this hole. I did. As for the wet patch - welcome to the world of women Chlobo, where even sneezing LOL - and holding your muscles tight 24/7 and focusing on them can cause a bit of wee to come out. It happens, sometimes to everyone, and I have absolutely NO DOUBT AT ALL that you have no physical problem at all.
I went to the hospital with my daughter as she needed a hearing test. We were sat in the waiting room and suddenly I felt this warmth, I stood up and ran to the toilet convinced I had wet myself, I was almost being sick with fear. And nothing? No wetness, nothing at all. How? my hands were shaking and I managed to calm myself down and leave the toilet. I really don't know what's happening to me. At least i made it to the appointment and we did it. And my little girls hearing is all fine which is good.
Carys - I am holding everything really tightly down there because I'm scared if I relax pee will come out, It's exhausting. I am so focused on that area I'm not sure what it felt like before. I hope you're all right about it not being a physical issue. I may contact the doctor again on Wednesday, It's hard to live like this
Thank you Blue, I did it as much as I hated it I did it
Just want to point something out. You said, Chloe, that you are the sort of person who doesn't "accept" things unless there's "proof" from "tests"-- and by that you seem to mean, "imaging" because....
Your very patient, kind doctor HAS run tests on you, has gathered information from those tests, and has declared you ABSOLUTELY FINE
Additionally
If anything SHORT of imaging is "insufficient information" to you, what is blazes are you doing running about self testing with forks and pins and dolls hair and feathers and who knows what else?!
I want to say "you do know this is mad, yes"? but I would almost bet dollars to donuts that you will say "yes, it's mad, but what about my wet patch and it feels like I can't feel my legs as much and [insert newly recast symptoms here]"
In a way, Chole, I get it. I too have these thoughts some days because I too have HA and sensorimotor OCD. But there's a few differences:
1. I recognize that no matter what, my THINKING needs adjustment and care. We're all sat here desperately waiting for you to also reach this conclusion and act on it.
2. If I want to trust in medicine at all, I have to trust in science, which means trusting in standards of scientific evidence gathering and proof, INCLUDING NON-IMAGING TESTS, SUCH AS OFFICE VISITS IN WHICH I AM, AND YOU ARE, TOLD EVERYTHING IS ABSOLUTELY FINE!!
I also really hope you can see the immense amount of effort the lovely "mainstays" of NMP, such as Blue, Pulisa, Nora, etc. are expending on you and stop taking it for granted. The advice they've dished out for you is so good I'm back here daily to read it *for myself*, and my own HA-SMOCD is only about a 4/10 today. It's a true shame if you're not going to actually utilize their advice!!
I hope you're all right about it not being a physical issue.
We will be :) I have no doubt.
Amazing how powerful the human mind is isn't it, you felt warmth and though you'd wet yourself and you hadn't - I'm sure I've told you before about an example how there are people in wheelchairs who can't walk, but there is nothing physically wrong with them. Their 'mind' has convinced them they can't use their legs, and they seem not to be able to. They aren't lying, they have allowed the mind to become more powerful than the body in a negative way.
Didn't you say you had four children Chlobo? Seriously after having had one many years ago my bladder control was buggered. Sneeze/Cough and I would leak.
Please listen to what everyone has told you.
Just want to point something out. You said, Chloe, that you are the sort of person who doesn't "accept" things unless there's "proof" from "tests"-- and by that you seem to mean, "imaging" because....
Your very patient, kind doctor HAS run tests on you, has gathered information from those tests, and has declared you ABSOLUTELY FINE
Additionally
If anything SHORT of imaging is "insufficient information" to you, what is blazes are you doing running about self testing with forks and pins and dolls hair and feathers and who knows what else?!
I want to say "you do know this is mad, yes"? but I would almost bet dollars to donuts that you will say "yes, it's mad, but what about my wet patch and it feels like I can't feel my legs as much and [insert newly recast symptoms here]"
In a way, Chole, I get it. I too have these thoughts some days because I too have HA and sensorimotor OCD. But there's a few differences:
1. I recognize that no matter what, my THINKING needs adjustment and care. We're all sat here desperately waiting for you to also reach this conclusion and act on it.
2. If I want to trust in medicine at all, I have to trust in science, which means trusting in standards of scientific evidence gathering and proof, INCLUDING NON-IMAGING TESTS, SUCH AS OFFICE VISITS IN WHICH I AM, AND YOU ARE, TOLD EVERYTHING IS ABSOLUTELY FINE!!
I also really hope you can see the immense amount of effort the lovely "mainstays" of NMP, such as Blue, Pulisa, Nora, etc. are expending on you and stop taking it for granted. The advice they've dished out for you is so good I'm back here daily to read it *for myself*, and my own HA-SMOCD is only about a 4/10 today. It's a true shame if you're not going to actually utilize their advice!!
Hey Ky, I really do appreciate that everyone is still responding to me here, I am trying to utilise it as best I can but I'm in such a bad spiral at the moment and having had health anxiety for years my brain is just has an instant panic alarm when it comes to symptoms or unknown sensations etc, and I know it's going to take a lot of hard work to reduce that.
I agree with what you're saying about why am I self testing if my only comfort is imaging, I hadn't thought of it that way. I guess the checking is compulsions and that's the OCD side which is one of the harder ones to stop.
I am waiting for medication, I'm going to call the mental health team tomorrow and ask again. I spoke to the mental health team on the 111 service last night.
The wet patch has thrown me a curveball as it did smell like urine. Before Christmas I lifted my legs up and an involuntary gush of urine came out, I actually posted about it on here. So I know maybe my bladder can be affected by certain movement and I have also had 4 children.
I am really trying to put trust into my doctor because I don't really want scans, they petrify me and waiting for results would also petrify me. It's the constant feeling in my bits that's bugging me, it isn't comfortable, I sit down and I'm tense and I'm not sure how to hold myself down there anymore. Sorry if that's too much info. I'm just struggling with how it's feeling because then I want to go and empty my bladder to try and counteract that feeling. But my bladder and downstairs is constantly tensed. Like Pul said I'm hoping that's the reason I had a wet patch, maybe I didn't wipe properly with a previous pee who knows. It's just really concerned me and I probably will end up calling the doctor and just asking him what he thinks about it.
The tingling that I had in my legs has gone, the feeling in my lower back has gone where it felt like it had a numb band. The only feeling I'm getting now is this uncomfortableness that I just described, and seeing the odd wet patch.
Didn't you say you had four children Chlobo? Seriously after having had one many years ago my bladder control was buggered. Sneeze/Cough and I would leak.
Please listen to what everyone has told you.
Yeah four children, one of which was a C section four years ago. I don't actually leak when I sneeze I don't think, or cough. It's just the odd random wet patch but I have no idea what it is but this last one smelt like urine.
I'm glad to hear it. I've said before - you WILL look back on this and realise you wasted some of your life in this hole. I did. As for the wet patch - welcome to the world of women Chlobo, where even sneezing LOL - and holding your muscles tight 24/7 and focusing on them can cause a bit of wee to come out. It happens, sometimes to everyone, and I have absolutely NO DOUBT AT ALL that you have no physical problem at all.
I hope so, it's like I'm waiting for the confirmation of a wee to come out to confirm it, it's scary. I'm just so tense down there, I don't know how to hold myself anymore. I'm so focused on how it feels and the muscles feel horrible. And then I keep getting involuntary tightening but if I relax it I'm scared I'll pee. I've forgotten what it feels like to just feel normal down there.
We will be :) I have no doubt.
Amazing how powerful the human mind is isn't it, you felt warmth and though you'd wet yourself and you hadn't - I'm sure I've told you before about an example how there are people in wheelchairs who can't walk, but there is nothing physically wrong with them. Their 'mind' has convinced them they can't use their legs, and they seem not to be able to. They aren't lying, they have allowed the mind to become more powerful than the body in a negative way.
Yes that was definitely my mind playing tricks.
And yeah I have seen and heard these stories, the brain is powerful I agree.
I just keep getting these thoughts of 'can you imagine if the doctor was wrong, can you imagine the devastation you would feel' and that's what goes round and round in my head. My friend told me to just drink, and stop peeing. Show yourself it's okay, but i chicken out and then go for a pee because I'm like nope just can't do this
I'm scared because loss of bladder control the doctor said would happen if there was a spine tumor and now the wet patch
Unfortunately your doctor fed you this piece of medical information and you've feasted on it. I personally think you should resist calling your GP yet again because this just reinforces your belief that you are physically ill and he isn't doing you any favours by offering you endless appointments.
Hi Chloe, I hear you, really I do. But if you are ever going to beat this, you really must address the OCD part (including repeating your symptoms and "progress" on them to us in every post.) I have the EXACT same thing, so believe me, I know how bad it is. But focusing on it will means it eats you alive.
I have a friend who lost a child in utero at 42 weeks. She has 3 other living children. She runs a pelvic floor tension counseling program just because she, of all people, knows just how horribly mental health and pelvic floor dysfunction are intertwined. I tell you this because I think of her whenever I leak pee and get annoyed by it. I think of her because I have no reason at all to complain, and yet, she is generous with her time and advice even to people like me.
Take the advice! Listen to it!
Take the advice! Listen to it!
Chlobo isn't listening. Her mind is too full of fear to listen to reason. She's symptom dumping and constantly seeking reassurance. This is a massive part of her problem.
You can put as much emotion, information etc as you like into your posts (mine are freakin' epics) but it's having very little (if any) effect on this lady, and clearly so.
Our intentions are good. We don't like to see another human being suffering and we want to be supportive but what we're actually doing is enabling this obsessive behaviour and that makes us part of the problem.
The best thing for Chlobo would be for us all to stop with the reassurance. Sounds harsh but it's actually a kindness. Presently, we're giving her what she wants, not what she needs.
Problem is, as soon as one person steps back, another takes their place and on it goes. Each one thinking that they can reach this person but nobody ever does. There is only one person who can really help Chlobo gain control of the HA and that's Chlobo herself.
I think we all need to consider the nature of our responses. As in, to question if our response will enable her in this destructive behaviour? So far, to enable her is all we've really achieved..
We need to let her know that that she's not alone, and that we're rooting for her to get her life back, but also that we're not going to play this game anymore..
Ignore the seeking behaviour & focus on the positives. This is how I will play it from now on because I really want to see this lady control her HA. I don't want to be part of the problem any longer..
Same, Nora. We're not getting through because nothing can get through right now.
Chloe's operating on her own schedule, and I don't think there's any practical help any of us can offer beyond not offering reassurance.
Chloe's operating on her own schedule, and I don't think there's any practical help any of us can offer beyond not offering reassurance.
This is the kindest thing we can do for her. It might not feel like it, but it is..
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