View Full Version : I know I'm posting again but I'm worried about my eyes
My last eye appointment was 2 years ago, everything was fine.
I went to the opticians before that as well as I noticed I had a larger pupil on one side than the other, he said my eyes were also okay and it's only an issue if they don't restrict.
Well I've been shining lights in my pupils to make them shrink down, and they do shrink but sometimes it isn't instantly, it's not like an instant thing that's super fast. Is that normal?
My friend is going through some eye issues at the moment and it's brought my own anxiety back about my eyes. I've recently been put on 40mg of Citalopram which I'm sure has made my pupils appear larger than normal.
I just want to know if I'm worrying for nothing or if it's normal
Add this to your other thread Chlobo, so that people understand the background (26 pages of it) and how you've moved from one thing to the other. There is context on there about all of this, along with some replies about your eyes - AND I told you that on your other thread that adrenaline itself causes pupil dilation. You are starting again exactly what caused you 'weeks of hell' (in your words) about Breast Cancer. It could be about eyes, breasts, knees, veins......all the same issue. You are starting self testing (which can't be good for your eyes anyway) and obsession in exactly the same way as before, and before, and before and before. The same advice applies from the previous thread.
All the above and remember that you did say that you were committing to therapy. You won't be helping your friend either. How can you support her if you are focusing on yourself as a result of her eye issues?
I know it's one thing after another 😢 I just feel so vulnerable right now.
I looked at my daughters pupils and compared mine in the kitchen this evening, my pupils are bigger than hers in the same light.
Is that normal? Are everyone's pupils meant to be the same?
nomorepanic
16-12-21, 20:00
You are going deep down the rabbit hole again and it needs to stop.
You are going deep down the rabbit hole again and it needs to stop.
But do you think what I've said is okay?
I need to be strict with myself and stop doing the obsessive behaviour but all this stuff with my friend has really upset me and made me feel so anxious again. I keep comparing my pupils and shining lights in them. It's just making me panic, I really don't have the mental strength to go to the opticians right now
All the above and remember that you did say that you were committing to therapy. You won't be helping your friend either. How can you support her if you are focusing on yourself as a result of her eye issues?
I'm pushing it aside as much as I can, and yes I am committed, this is a very hard one to push aside because of my brother, it's bringing back these awful feelings and memories and panic
Add this to your other thread Chlobo, so that people understand the background (26 pages of it) and how you've moved from one thing to the other. There is context on there about all of this, along with some replies about your eyes - AND I told you that on your other thread that adrenaline itself causes pupil dilation. You are starting again exactly what caused you 'weeks of hell' (in your words) about Breast Cancer. It could be about eyes, breasts, knees, veins......all the same issue. You are starting self testing (which can't be good for your eyes anyway) and obsession in exactly the same way as before, and before, and before and before. The same advice applies from the previous thread.
Thank you carys. I would but I'm
Worried people won't be able to see it as much.
And yes it's an obsession, a bad one at that. With the same checking as before.
I have to be strict with myself, the issue is you can always see your eyes in my house, mirrors and windows everywhere.
But do you think what I've said is okay?
This is reassurance seeking. What should you have learnt about that from your other thread ?
You had absolutely NO CONCERN about your eyes or pupils until hearing of your friend's medical referral. Doesn't that tell you something ?
I'm pushing it aside as much as I can, and yes I am committed, this is a very hard one to push aside because of my brother, it's bringing back these awful feelings and memories and panic
But as Carys says....you had forgotten all about this when you were convinced you had breast cancer. It's important to acknowledge this.
I think it may be a good idea if you let somebody else support your friend - if you can't get a handle on this you'll only make things worse for both her and yourself.
I think it may be a good idea if you let somebody else support your friend - if you can't get a handle on this you'll only make things worse for both her and yourself.
I agree.
She's my best friend, I can't not support her 😢
My eyes are really sore tonight, when I move them too. Which is a symptom that my friend has. I can't cope with this anymore. The fear and the constant worry. I don't know what to do anymore, I've got a headache coming on and I had a headache last night too.
I'm scared , really scared and I can't cope anymore
You've been told what to do. Re-read your other thread, the same advice applies. This is what I find so frustrating is that you get told the same things over and over by different people - yet you are still heading down the same route seemingly having learnt nothing. Do you not want to learn ? You had SO many symptoms of IBC, remember those, and there was nothing there. You don't have to 'cope with it' you can do what you promised to do and that is to apply yourself properly to relearning your behaviours.
All I know is I will put my all into my therapy
The new 'helenhoo' :whistles:
FMP
There's no shame in stepping away from a situation you're not equipped to deal with. To clarify here, I'm hating the sin rather than the sinner, but you don't want your friend to be having to support and reassure you while she's going through this. When you're this worked up, this is absolutely going to land up happening.
The new 'helenhoo' :whistles:
FMP
What do you mean fishmanpa?
There's no shame in stepping away from a situation you're not equipped to deal with. To clarify here, I'm hating the sin rather than the sinner, but you don't want your friend to be having to support and reassure you while she's going through this. When you're this worked up, this is absolutely going to land up happening.
No I wouldn't ask her for reassurance about this,
It wouldn't be fair.
Just my eyes feel so tired and strained, also sensitive to light. This only started since I shone my torch in them A LOT. Which I haven't done and won't do anymore, because my other friend told me that I will damage my eyes. Now I'm worried I've damaged them by shining my torch into them so much.
You've been told what to do. Re-read your other thread, the same advice applies. This is what I find so frustrating is that you get told the same things over and over by different people - yet you are still heading down the same route seemingly having learnt nothing. Do you not want to learn ? You had SO many symptoms of IBC, remember those, and there was nothing there. You don't have to 'cope with it' you can do what you promised to do and that is to apply yourself properly to relearning your behaviours.
Yes that's it. I had burning, tingling, a sore breast. And all that has now gone away.
So, the logical plan in my head is this:
1. Stop checking my eyes
2. Carry on with my normal day as usual
3. Don't google anything to do with eyes
4. Remind myself I have severe health anxiety
5. Maybe book an eye appointment once my friend has seen her eye doctor and has a plan of what's going on.
6. My eyes didn't worry me when I was worried about my breast
7. Sore eyes could be due to me shining light in them and making them more sensitive and sore
8. I have asked friends and family about my eyes who aren't really concerned
9, My tired eyes are probably due to the stress I've been under the last few months and having four children to run around after
10, I know my body and mind can create real physical symptoms based on what I'm scared of
Hi -- I don't know your background (it sounds like you've had a long thread of other HA fears, maybe triggered by family/social medical experiences?) but I want to emphasize that even if you're doing the HA dance for the fifteenth billion time, that says nothing about your character and worth as a person.
It's ok that you haven't beat this.
Battling HA is hard, and not always linear - two steps forward, one step back is the phrase people usually use, but it may be even more of a "crawl, then walk, then fall, then crawl again" type situation. Don't beat yourself up if you're not running marathons around your HA.
I think your last post above is a grand plan. Maybe write it out and tape it to a few mirrors?
And if you are starting therapy (which I think we should acknowledge can be incredibly intimidating) I suggest being brutally honest with whoever you see. Unload all your HA worries as fast as possible and let them sort through it with you. The best way out is through -- but you need to find what that means for you.
Best of luck.
Hi -- I don't know your background (it sounds like you've had a long thread of other HA fears, maybe triggered by family/social medical experiences?) but I want to emphasize that even if you're doing the HA dance for the fifteenth billion time, that says nothing about your character and worth as a person.
It's ok that you haven't beat this.
Battling HA is hard, and not always linear - two steps forward, one step back is the phrase people usually use, but it may be even more of a "crawl, then walk, then fall, then crawl again" type situation. Don't beat yourself up if you're not running marathons around your HA.
I think your last post above is a grand plan. Maybe write it out and tape it to a few mirrors?
And if you are starting therapy (which I think we should acknowledge can be incredibly intimidating) I suggest being brutally honest with whoever you see. Unload all your HA worries as fast as possible and let them sort through it with you. The best way out is through -- but you need to find what that means for you.
Best of luck.
Thank you Ky, I think my health anxiety hasn't been this bad for a few years, it's definitely hitting me really hard again the last two.
It feels like a lot of steps back right now, everything seems to trigger me, I'm struggling to follow the list of rules I even set myself yesterday.
Thank you for your kind words though, they are appreciated
I'm struggling with the kids so much this weekend, they're so loud, I have such bad noise aversion when I'm anxious.
I'm gutted this is happening again, it hasn't even been barely two weeks since I spent £200 on a breast appointment and now this.
You write so passively - as if 'something is happening to you' that you can't control.
I'm struggling with the kids so much this weekend, they're so loud, I have such bad noise aversion when I'm anxious.
I'm gutted this is happening again, it hasn't even been barely two weeks since I spent £200 on a breast appointment and now this.
As carys says, you CAN limit how "this" affects you and you CAN have words with yourself regarding how a friend's health issues have triggered you into compulsive self-checking again.
How did your friend get on yesterday? You don't mention how she is.
Oh Chlobo, my heart goes out to you. I’m so sorry you are struggling so much.
I have an awesome therapist that I see regularly, but I still fall down over and over. It gets very discouraging. I have had some periods of peace over the last while though. And, for the first time, I have a hope that I will one day have mostly peace in my life. I know this will only happen with continued therapy and lots of hard work on my part.
Part of what I have had to gain peace with is that I will die. Sometime, and in some way, I am going to die. All the checking in the world isn’t going to change that. I know you have little ones and that makes the possibility of death super stressful. However, no amount of checking or reassurance from doctors is going to change the reality of life. Nothing and no one can promise you that you won’t die.
My religious beliefs have helped me gain peace with the reality of death. I also am trying to make the most of every moment I am alive instead of dwelling on negative possibilities.
This has been a really hard journey for me and just this last week I have fallen backwards and let health anxiety take over my life again. I am now trying to get back on track.
All this is to encourage you to get counseling. And, don’t be afraid to change counselors if you don’t feel like you’re improving. The road will be hard, but you and your children will be better for it.
Hugs,
Debbie
As carys says, you CAN limit how "this" affects you and you CAN have words with yourself regarding how a friend's health issues have triggered you into compulsive self-checking again.
How did your friend get on yesterday? You don't mention how she is.
She is still waiting for this phone call for an appointment. I wish it would just hurry up. It's been almost a week now since she got this news and she's heard nothing yet.
Oh Chlobo, my heart goes out to you. I’m so sorry you are struggling so much.
I have an awesome therapist that I see regularly, but I still fall down over and over. It gets very discouraging. I have had some periods of peace over the last while though. And, for the first time, I have a hope that I will one day have mostly peace in my life. I know this will only happen with continued therapy and lots of hard work on my part.
Part of what I have had to gain peace with is that I will die. Sometime, and in some way, I am going to die. All the checking in the world isn’t going to change that. I know you have little ones and that makes the possibility of death super stressful. However, no amount of checking or reassurance from doctors is going to change the reality of life. Nothing and no one can promise you that you won’t die.
My religious beliefs have helped me gain peace with the reality of death. I also am trying to make the most of every moment I am alive instead of dwelling on negative possibilities.
This has been a really hard journey for me and just this last week I have fallen backwards and let health anxiety take over my life again. I am now trying to get back on track.
All this is to encourage you to get counseling. And, don’t be afraid to change counselors if you don’t feel like you’re improving. The road will be hard, but you and your children will be better for it.
Hugs,
Debbie
Thanks Debbie, and yes this is what I struggle with deep down, the fear of death. Urgh I just wish I hadn't been born most days, I don't want to experience this, any of this.
I just don't feel safe, there is no feeling of safety in my life at all, I just feel on the edge of a cliff all of the time. I love my kids more than anything but I feel like a failure in so many ways.
I'm trying not to check. I just wish my pupils were the same size in dimmer light. Always seems to be at night time it happens.
And I've had it before and I saw the optician and he said it's okay and I totally forgot it and then bam, as soon as my friend has this issue with her eyes suddenly my eyes are on fire.
My brother said book an eye appointment but I can't, I just can't. The fear is excruciating, if they were to tell me something awful.
Helenhoo?
FMP
Who or what is Helenhoo?
Helenhoo?
For your reference Chlobo, FMP is drawing comparisons with another long-term poster. I have to say, they aren't necessarily helpful though.
Well if everyone in here wants to have a laugh at my expense then go ahead.
I just hope you don't experience health anxiety to the level it affects your entire existence and sometimes all you can cling onto is forums like these to hold onto some sanity
Nobody's laughing at you, Chlobo, and as I've said repeatedly, a lot of us have been where you are.
The reality of HA is that it IS ridiculous, though. Can you honestly say you'd have given your eyes a second thought if it wasn't for your friend? I was there a few years back, checking my eyes every half hour because one acquaintance and the relative of a colleague both had brain tumours. My pupils were irregular and I totally lost it.
I'm not laughing, in any way...AND.... as I said above, I don't think FMP repeatedly making the 'Helenhoo' comment is that helpful.
I just hope you don't experience health anxiety to the level it affects your entire existence and sometimes all you can cling onto is forums like these to hold onto some sanity
I have, for years, to the point of hospitalisation - before forums existed.
Sometimes though, you need to be reminded that this is something that is illogical, and you need to put effort in.
Nobody's laughing at you, Chlobo, and as I've said repeatedly, a lot of us have been where you are.
The reality of HA is that it IS ridiculous, though. Can you honestly say you'd have given your eyes a second thought if it wasn't for your friend? I was there a few years back, checking my eyes every half hour because one acquaintance and the relative of a colleague both had brain tumours. My pupils were irregular and I totally lost it.
I have always been triggered by my eyes, my brother had a brain tumour which fishmanpa knows about so eyes and brains are a huge trigger for me.
I've always had to avoid my eyes as a rule because If I start to check them I go down a shit road but with my friend and her health issues and my own pupil sometimes also being irregular I've lost it many times too.
I get what everyone is saying, trust me I do. I get cross with myself but my eyes HURT and I can feel the sensitivity to light. It's shit and yes it has suddenly come on since my friends eye problems. But my anxiety is crippling. I'm barely over my last bout of health anxiety with my breast. It's cruel. I just want to enjoy the Christmas with my children and instead I'm walking round the house feeling anxious and trying to fight panic attacks over my friend and her health and then my own health. The best thing to do would be for me to go to the eye doctor and get them to check my eyes but again the fear factor is stopping me. I am just as fed up of myself as everyone else on this forum is, I just need support and I don't get that much in real life apart from my friend who is now unwell herself so it isn't fair to even go there with her right now.
When I was scared of IBC my breast was literally burning, so I'm trying to tell myself okay maybe my eyes are going goofy because of my anxiety but that nasty little voice oh you might have swollen optic nerves too, your friend might have a brain tumour.
Honestly I cannot go through watching another person I love go through a brain tumour. It broke me before and it would break me again
Pamplemousse
20-12-21, 13:05
This is reassurance seeking. What should you have learnt about that from your other thread ?
You had absolutely NO CONCERN about your eyes or pupils until hearing of your friend's medical referral. Doesn't that tell you something ?
This is a question I am asked in my current counselling session questionnaires, to do with health anxiety - to wit:
http://www.gpwebsolutions-host.co.uk/5121b/files/2017/05/UMC-Health-Anxiety-Inventory-HAI.pdf
Question 9 applies here, which is multiple choice and reproduced below:
a. If I hear about an illness I never think I have it myself
b. If I hear about an illness I sometimes think I have it myself
c. If I hear about an illness I often think I have it myself
d. If I hear about an illness I always think I have it myself
FWIW I have every sympathy for Chlobo and none for those who post unhelpful, snide and sarky comments.
It's cruel.
You are being passive again, with no recognition that you can control this and work at stopping it.
You are being passive again, with no recognition that you can control this and work at stopping it.
Absolutely. I've been hospitalised too. You can't think of yourself as "broken". You DO have control over this and can't allow your HA to affect how you look after your children.
I have always been triggered by my eyes, my brother had a brain tumour which fishmanpa knows about so eyes and brains are a huge trigger for me.
I've always had to avoid my eyes as a rule because If I start to check them I go down a shit road but with my friend and her health issues and my own pupil sometimes also being irregular I've lost it many times too.
I get what everyone is saying, trust me I do. I get cross with myself but my eyes HURT and I can feel the sensitivity to light. It's shit and yes it has suddenly come on since my friends eye problems. But my anxiety is crippling. I'm barely over my last bout of health anxiety with my breast. It's cruel. I just want to enjoy the Christmas with my children and instead I'm walking round the house feeling anxious and trying to fight panic attacks over my friend and her health and then my own health. The best thing to do would be for me to go to the eye doctor and get them to check my eyes but again the fear factor is stopping me. I am just as fed up of myself as everyone else on this forum is, I just need support and I don't get that much in real life apart from my friend who is now unwell herself so it isn't fair to even go there with her right now.
When I was scared of IBC my breast was literally burning, so I'm trying to tell myself okay maybe my eyes are going goofy because of my anxiety but that nasty little voice oh you might have swollen optic nerves too, your friend might have a brain tumour.
Honestly I cannot go through watching another person I love go through a brain tumour. It broke me before and it would break me again
That "nasty little voice" is actually you. You are telling yourself this and the brain fixates on what it believes is important..and obviously anything to do with your eyes is just overwhelming and hugely important/significant to you. So you are controlled by what you are thinking.
The best thing to do would be for me to go to the eye doctor and get them to check my eyes but again the fear factor is stopping me. I am just as fed up of myself as everyone else on this forum is, I just need support
No, it actually wouldn't be the best thing you could do. That is getting reassurance, there was literally NOTHING wrong with your eyes last week. Get your eyes checked at your next routine, whenever that might be, not run for immediate reassurance and then move onto the next illness. As for the pupil difference, as you may have already been told at your last eye check-up that is benign anascoria that affects 20 percent of the population, I have it myself quite obviously.
'I just need support'. Chlobo, what is 'support' for you ? I just have a feeling it is limitless tea and sympathy. People (those you refer to in real life) get tired, it is draining and there is often nothing else to say to people who are being illogical - I know, people have told ME that in the past after repeating, repeating and repeating the same things over and over. Its frustrating. Tea and sympathy is getting and has got you nowhere at all. What you need to to is recognise that it is YOU doing this, the inner voices, the fears are YOU repeating the same patterns over and over. You have heard everybody on these threads tell you that you are still not engaging with the therapy or self-help techniques that are being proffered to you. This is not some mystery illness that is afflicting you without you able to do anything about it - this is something you can change yourself.
YOu must have had your first phone session by now - what is the homework ?
This is a question I am asked in my current counselling session questionnaires, to do with health anxiety - to wit:
http://www.gpwebsolutions-host.co.uk/5121b/files/2017/05/UMC-Health-Anxiety-Inventory-HAI.pdf
Question 9 applies here, which is multiple choice and reproduced below:
FWIW I have every sympathy for Chlobo and none for those who post unhelpful, snide and sarky comments.
Thank you pamplemouse. I actually relate to every single question on that link.
My therapy is also similar
No, it actually wouldn't be the best thing you could do. That is getting reassurance, there was literally NOTHING wrong with your eyes last week. Get your eyes checked at your next routine, whenever that might be, not run for immediate reassurance and then move onto the next illness. As for the pupil difference, as you may have already been told at your last eye check-up that is benign anascoria that affects 20 percent of the population, I have it myself quite obviously.
'I just need support'. Chlobo, what is 'support' for you ? I just have a feeling it is limitless tea and sympathy. People (those you refer to in real life) get tired, it is draining and there is often nothing else to say to people who are being illogical - I know, people have told ME that in the past after repeating, repeating and repeating the same things over and over. Its frustrating. Tea and sympathy is getting and has got you nowhere at all. What you need to to is recognise that it is YOU doing this, the inner voices, the fears are YOU repeating the same patterns over and over. You have heard everybody on these threads tell you that you are still not engaging with the therapy or self-help techniques that are being proffered to you. This is not some mystery illness that is afflicting you without you able to do anything about it - this is something you can change yourself.
YOu must have had your first phone session by now - what is the homework ?
There is actually a lot for me to complete, I have done some of it. It's different modules. I've competed number one now, which was basically the same sort of thing pample mouse sent Me. It's asking me how much I think about my health etc.
My next appointment isn't this week due to Christmas but the one after is on the Tuesday. I need to do module two before I speak to her
It's 2am and I'm up having a panic attack.
My eyes hurt, and my head hurts, down over my nose.
What if I have swollen optic nerves too, I'm in such a panic. Surely the odds are unlikely we would both have the same thing!
nomorepanic
22-12-21, 13:33
You do not have what your friend does. Don't go down this route again.
My eyes hurt, and my head hurts, down over my nose.
I honestly don't think you are really trying to counteract these thoughts at all. You know very well that you had NONE OF THESE SYMPTOMS until your friend had a potential problem highlighted. You know very well that you 'imagine' symptoms from every other previous illness you have had. I will repeat - you are doing this to yourself, not some mystery illness you can do nothing about.
I need to do module two before I speak to her
WHats in module 2 ?
So last night I've come down with some sort of actual flu type illness. My head hurts, I've got chills and body aches. Feel absolutely rotten.
I'm hoping the eye pain was the illness breaking through.
Well, I hope it's just flu or a virus. I remember as a child I had an awful fear of meningitis and even now when I get these sort of symptoms I worry it's that.
I haven't looked at module two yet, at the moment I feel too rough to actually do it.
You need to do a COVID lateral flow test Chlobo.
You need to do a COVID lateral flow test Chlobo.
I've done a lateral and it's positive, I feel absolutely awful.
My eyes hurting is that normal for covid?
I've done a lateral and it's positive, I feel absolutely awful.
My eyes hurting is that normal for covid?
I thought it might be :( I'm sorry to hear that you have picked covid up, hoping that its a quick recovery for you in time for Christmas -certainly it will affect your plans for Christmas sadly. I don't know if its normal 'for covid' but its happened to me with a temperature with any virus (it has only happened twice though as it happens, that I've had a temperature and both times my eyes were sore and burning - infact I had it last week with the fever I developed after the booster), and some others in my family. Our eyes burn, feel sore and hurt to move when we have a fever. Drink plenty, rest and take paracetamol. You can always ring for advice from 111 if concerned, or contact them online. Were you vaccinated ? If you were and had the booster then it should be that you have some immunity.
Sending good wishes, Chlobo, I hope you feel better soon.
I thought it might be :( I'm sorry to hear that you have picked covid up, hoping that its a quick recovery for you in time for Christmas -certainly it will affect your plans for Christmas sadly. I don't know if its normal 'for covid' but its happened to me with a temperature with any virus (it has only happened twice though as it happens, that I've had a temperature and both times my eyes were sore and burning - infact I had it last week with the fever I developed after the booster), and some others in my family. Our eyes burn, feel sore and hurt to move when we have a fever. Drink plenty, rest and take paracetamol. You can always ring for advice from 111 if concerned, or contact them online. Were you vaccinated ? If you were and had the booster then it should be that you have some immunity.
Thank you, I haven't had any vaccinations as I was too anxious to get them.
I feel truly awful. Christmas plans are cancelled but I'm hoping Christmas Day I'll feel okay to do dinner and enjoy the day x
But maybe my eyes hurting was leading up to this. They are sore but they hurt to move them, like they're bruised which is typical that my friend had this with her eye problems. I hope covid hasn't affected my optic nerve
I'm so scared. My thumbs feel weird, almost weak. I'm so scared covid is affecting my brain
I have tied a shoe lace and done up a zip. I have touched finger to thumb and touched nose with eyes closed.
Urgh I hate this
glassgirlw
24-12-21, 13:24
It looks like you have a couple threads going about this so I’ll reply to this one. There is so much anxiety surrounding this virus that you’re going to have to do something to manage your anxiety, or you’re going to drive yourself crazy for the next 7 or so days of isolation. Do you have any hobbies? Anything you can distract yourself with? This would be a great time to work on your modules given to you in therapy. You’re going to feel somewhat rotten for the next few days so make sure to get lots of rest and drink lots of fluids - load up on vitamin c and d if you have any. You’ll get through this but if you let your anxiety run rampant and don’t at least attempt to control it, you’ll be even more miserable.
I'm so scared covid is affecting my brain
Why come up with random irrelevant stuff ? Concentrate on the realities of it - the symptoms of the original variants are well documented and you should already know, the Omicron seems to have more heavy cold-type symptoms.
NOTE to all: post below is about COVID, if this triggers you, perhaps stop reading here. :)
Hi Chlobo,
I too was concerned about COVID impacting the brain very early on in the pandemic (from more of a detached medical point of view, to be honest, not because I had it!) Luckily, a professor of neurology at Columbia Uni also wondered the same and painstakingly studied it (I won't go into details but suffice to say she and her staff risked their lives getting scans and tissue samples from patients at a time in the pandemic when they had no idea what sort of tissue infectivity risk they were exposing themselves too... really heroic work, for sure.) There's an episode of the podcast This Week In Virology dedicated to the topic, though I don't recommend watching given your state at the moment.
Summary: It doesn't appear COVID is "neurogenic" the way other viruses like chickenpox are... it doesn't "go for" the nervous system in particular. The changes seen in the brains of people who have been severely ill/died with COVID are more likely caused by the fact that they are simply overwhelmingly systemically ill. So unless and until and God forbidding you are admitted to critical care and stay there for an extended amount of time, the odds are very much against there being something wrong with you brain and/or eyes!
I will note that sinus pain/pressure could easily explain what you've described: pain behind/above/below eyes and across bridge of nose is pretty classic for sinus problems. And you DO have a viral illness at present.
Please try to enjoy your holidays!!
NOTE to all: post below is about COVID, if this triggers you, perhaps stop reading here. :)
Hi Chlobo,
I too was concerned about COVID impacting the brain very early on in the pandemic (from more of a detached medical point of view, to be honest, not because I had it!) Luckily, a professor of neurology at Columbia Uni also wondered the same and painstakingly studied it (I won't go into details but suffice to say she and her staff risked their lives getting scans and tissue samples from patients at a time in the pandemic when they had no idea what sort of tissue infectivity risk they were exposing themselves too... really heroic work, for sure.) There's an episode of the podcast This Week In Virology dedicated to the topic, though I don't recommend watching given your state at the moment.
Summary: It doesn't appear COVID is "neurogenic" the way other viruses like chickenpox are... it doesn't "go for" the nervous system in particular. The changes seen in the brains of people who have been severely ill/died with COVID are more likely caused by the fact that they are simply overwhelmingly systemically ill. So unless and until and God forbidding you are admitted to critical care and stay there for an extended amount of time, the odds are very much against there being something wrong with you brain and/or eyes!
I will note that sinus pain/pressure could easily explain what you've described: pain behind/above/below eyes and across bridge of nose is pretty classic for sinus problems. And you DO have a viral illness at present.
Please try to enjoy your holidays!!
Thank you for this! I'm on day 6 and I feel awful in the mornings. My breakfast is ibuprofen. I went through phases of feeling a bit better yesterday but today I ache so much, my glands in my neck are huge as well.
I can't seem to find my other post about covid that I wrote? Was it moved or deleted
https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?246919-Corona-virus-scared
Bumbum0110
28-12-21, 03:15
I just read through your post and felt the need to comment. I just had covid & my eyes hurt terribly! However, after a few days the pain and fever went away. I will say I had awful anxiety over coughing and shortness of breath...I convinced myself that I had pneumonia and blood clots (I had neither). It's amazing what the mind is capable of! You'll be fine just know that anxiety is a beast but you can tame it!
I just read through your post and felt the need to comment. I just had covid & my eyes hurt terribly! However, after a few days the pain and fever went away. I will say I had awful anxiety over coughing and shortness of breath...I convinced myself that I had pneumonia and blood clots (I had neither). It's amazing what the mind is capable of! You'll be fine just know that anxiety is a beast but you can tame it!
Thank you bum. It was so strange because my eyes started playing up a few days before I had any other symptoms, which caused me to create this anxious post about my eyes. Once the virus came out properly the eye pain suddenly came out full blown with the other symptoms.
My eyes feel better today thankfully so I'm hoping it's starting to fade out.
And yeah I have been having moment of sheer panic, I have been breathless but I know I get breathless with anxiety so I've been doing deep slow breathing and resting as much as possible
thanks again for everyone's support xx
Bumbum0110
28-12-21, 10:45
Love your positive attitude!! I'm rooting for you!
Is it normal to have a racing heart when sick?
My heart is pounding just walking into different rooms
Yes it is entirely normal. Your body is under stress and I can say that I have this every single time when unwell. I had the same with my booster a couple of weeks ago, a fever and faster heart rate when I just moved to the bathroom.
Yes it is entirely normal. Your body is under stress and I can say that I have this every single time when unwell. I had the same with my booster a couple of weeks ago, a fever and faster heart rate when I just moved to the bathroom.
Thank you. Do you think if I took a propranolol that would be okay? My heart rate went up to 150 just walking around the house cleaning up
I think you should contact your doctor/pharmacist for medical/medicine queries Chlobo. Thats not something we should answer.
It seems to have gone down, I've drank a glass of water and had some food.
My face is tingling on the left hand side. I'm trying not to panic
My friend has her appointment tomorrow for her eyes at 9.30am.
I'm so anxious for her, they are going to do some scans and tests they have said
Try not to worry about your friend (I know that isn't easy), you're still poorly yourself and need to recuperate from that.
Try not to worry about your friend (I know that isn't easy), you're still poorly yourself and need to recuperate from that.
Thanks catkins. I'm trying to take it easy but my anxiety is awful.
My oxygen is 99 on the oximetre but I feel sob nd lightheaded
I hate this. Haven't to struggle through panic attacks on my own.
You shouldn't have an oximeter, gadgets like this are not good for HA. Getting through panic attacks on your own is important in the learning process.
So my friend has had her eye checks and they want to do a brain MRI so he can rule out MS.
This isn't doing my anxiety and panic any good at all
You shouldn't have an oximeter, gadgets like this are not good for HA. Getting through panic attacks on your own is important in the learning process.
I've been so scared about my breathing though Carys. I had to get one. Do you think it's normal to feel lightheaded after an illness or from covid?
glassgirlw
30-12-21, 12:51
I think it’s normal to feel lightheaded during periods of high anxiety. And I really think that’s what you’re dealing with here.
I think it’s normal to feel lightheaded during periods of high anxiety. And I really think that’s what you’re dealing with here.
It's horrible. I'm trying to calm but I have three of my children here and I can't even bare for them to talk to me I feel so on edge and worried.
My leg is constantly jumping, I just want to hide
Re pulse oximeters, I have one because of work and yes when I had covid I checked mine the odd time. It really isn't worth it, once you do it once you get the urge to do it again, either just to make sure the last reading was right or to check if it's changed. Put it away and try and forget about it.
When my son was young when I was having periods of bad anxiety it actually helped me to engage with him. It took me away from how I was feeling, on really bad days when I was completely knackered and worn to a frazzle we would have movie afternoons, we'd build a nest of cushions on the floor, get a duvet and snacks and watch a kids movie. They're easier to concentrate on than adult movies. Also keeping him busy, kept me busy and that helped me manage my anxiety better.
I've been so scared about my breathing though Carys. I had to get one. Do you think it's normal to feel lightheaded after an illness or from covid?
My neighbour who had covid and is also unvaccinated was very lightheaded for a few days. She said if she stood up for more than 30 minutes she got dizzy and had to lay down. So yes, I think it might be part of this virus. Best to rest as much as possible.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
My neighbour who had covid and is also unvaccinated was very lightheaded for a few days. She said if she stood up for more than 30 minutes she got dizzy and had to lay down. So yes, I think it might be part of this virus. Best to rest as much as possible.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Thanks, yes I'm hoping it's just that.
I've had people say they have suffered blood pressure problems after covid. I'm just thinking of all the complications you can have from it
Re pulse oximeters, I have one because of work and yes when I had covid I checked mine the odd time. It really isn't worth it, once you do it once you get the urge to do it again, either just to make sure the last reading was right or to check if it's changed. Put it away and try and forget about it.
When my son was young when I was having periods of bad anxiety it actually helped me to engage with him. It took me away from how I was feeling, on really bad days when I was completely knackered and worn to a frazzle we would have movie afternoons, we'd build a nest of cushions on the floor, get a duvet and snacks and watch a kids movie. They're easier to concentrate on than adult movies. Also keeping him busy, kept me busy and that helped me manage my anxiety better.
Yes I've checked it a few times today. Getting the urge to check it too. And also potentially doubting what it says.
Don't you just love health anxiety.
We have been doing lots of movies because of isolation, but my four year old is so hyper and loud, she struggles being inside the house. She likes to be outside getting mucky, so my patience is being tested.
Yes I've checked it a few times today. Getting the urge to check it too. And also potentially doubting what it says.
Don't you just love health anxiety.
We have been doing lots of movies because of isolation, but my four year old is so hyper and loud, she struggles being inside the house. She likes to be outside getting mucky, so my patience is being tested.
I bet, it so tough for kids being stuck in. Hang on in there, every day is a day less.
I hope you start to feel better soon, it must be very difficult with the children and being ill - do you have a garden to let her run in ?
An aside - For anyone reading this thread who feels anxious about the vaccine, it must be obvious from this thread and some others on NMP at the moment (HA people who have caught covid), how much worse it is being anxious, isolated and quite ill when you have covid - surely worse than the vaccine fear.
I hope you start to feel better soon, it must be very difficult with the children and being ill - do you have a garden to let her run in ?
An aside - For anyone reading this thread who feels anxious about the vaccine, it must be obvious from this thread and some others on NMP at the moment, how much worse it is being anxious, isolated and quite ill when you have covid - surely worse than the vaccine fear.
Thanks, and yeah we do have the garden thankfully.
I'm testing negative today on lateral flows.
But I'm struggling. Currently my anxiety is so bad I can't even handle having a shower and getting dressed, I'm scared to look in the mirror in case my pupils look weird or my skin might look off colour.
I'm really afraid something bad is happening or going to happen to me. The anxiety is so bad, my kids go back to school next week providing they're well and I don't even know how I'm going to be able to get up and sort it all.
Im so so anxious about my health
I keep panicking over the colour of my nails, I keep thinking they look an odd colour like a blue tinge? My oxygen is 99. I've checked my pupils and they are going small with light.
I'm just a mess, I'm so afraid right now that I'm going to drop dead or I have a brain tumour. My eldest daughter is coming home tonight from being at her dads and I don't want her to see me like this.
My next therapy session is on Tuesday but it feels like forever away. Im trying not to have panic attacks over my nails,
Your oxygenation is better than I should think many people reading this have, that is literally perfect. Any 'blue tinge' is your over active imagination.
Your oxygenation is better than I should think many people reading this have, that is literally perfect. Any 'blue tinge' is your over active imagination.
On the odd occasion when I put it on my finger is reads 88 and then it suddenly changes to 99, I'm not sure if it's just calculating it. That's worried me a lot
Hi all.
My eyes are achy again today, could this just be covid? I'm coughing a lot and have so much mucous, my nose also sort of aches along with round my eyes.
I'm very anxious, how do I help this?
My friend is having her MRI on Wednesday and I'm scared for her, it's also triggering me really badly. I feel very panicked all the time. She has said she knows it's triggering for me but I want to be there for her. I'm just very scared of brain tumours as most know on here.
I feel so mentally bad, my next therapy is on Wednesday, has anyone got any advice to try and help me
Bumbum0110
02-01-22, 10:39
Girl, take a big Ole deep breath! Covid can cause you to have suuuper anxiety. If your oxygen levels are 99, you're fine.
A lot of what you're describing sounds like anxiety instead of "getting ready to drop dead". I felt like garbage for 2+ weeks after covid. The fatigue was awful but it does get better!
As far as worrying about your friend. Don't borrow tomorrow's worries. It doesn't sound like she has anything life threatening. Worrying about potential results is NOT helping you or her. You've got this mama!
I thought with Covid that you isolate? I don’t think you would be allowed into the Radiation room with Covid.
I have had several MRI’s your friend will be fine,as for yourself do something in your garden to rest your head and breathe
take care.
Girl, take a big Ole deep breath! Covid can cause you to have suuuper anxiety. If your oxygen levels are 99, you're fine.
A lot of what you're describing sounds like anxiety instead of "getting ready to drop dead". I felt like garbage for 2+ weeks after covid. The fatigue was awful but it does get better!
As far as worrying about your friend. Don't borrow tomorrow's worries. It doesn't sound like she has anything life threatening. Worrying about potential results is NOT helping you or her. You've got this mama!
Thank you bum.
I'm just tired of being scared. I keep just sitting around not getting dressed, constantly on my phone and worrying.
I need to sort myself out and actually get back into routine. I'm just struggling because when I'm anxious I don't want to do anything at all.
And no that's it, no amount of worry will even change anything, I just don't think I can handle
Someone else I care for having a brain tumour. She has swollen optic nerves and headaches, she doesn't know how scared I am for her I just play it down but inside I'm freaking out.
I thought with Covid that you isolate? I don’t think you would be allowed into the Radiation room with Covid.
I have had several MRI’s your friend will be fine,as for yourself do something in your garden to rest your head and breathe
take care.
I have done my isolation now, and no I'm not going with her into the room. Her husband is taking her, she's just told me her appointment time and day
I thought with Covid that you isolate? I don’t think you would be allowed into the Radiation room with Covid.
I have had several MRI’s your friend will be fine,as for yourself do something in your garden to rest your head and breathe
take care.
I just don't want it to be anything serious for her, I'm so worried. The only symptoms she has are swollen optic nerves and some headaches. The doctor wanted to check for MS he said.
I do need to get up and sorted, I just feel frozen to the sofa
Bumbum0110
03-01-22, 02:02
I'm not familiar with optic nerve swelling so I looked it up. It could literally be NOTHING that also could resolve on its own. Seriously, try not to worry until she has some answers..easier said than done (I know).
As far as getting back into a routine with your kids. My best advice is to put. the. phone. down. Nothing good can come from checking your symptoms on Google or constantly self checking. I find that my anxiety lessens a lot when I sit down and color with my kiddos or play a card game. Focus on anything but yourself!
This is hard! I go through weeks of feeling like you do and then I'm fine. It does feel "really" real but please know you have amazing support here & you are fine!
I'm on day 12 of having covid but my eyes feel weird the last two days.
My vision almost feels hazy, I'm noticing floaters more and my eyes feel really tired.
I'm getting really scared and worried there's something really wrong with my eyes or brain. The hazy vision is really worrying me. Has anyone experienced this?
nomorepanic
03-01-22, 16:03
Hi
This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.
Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.
It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.
Hi
This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.
Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.
It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.
Sorry I should have posted it here
I'm not familiar with optic nerve swelling so I looked it up. It could literally be NOTHING that also could resolve on its own. Seriously, try not to worry until she has some answers..easier said than done (I know).
As far as getting back into a routine with your kids. My best advice is to put. the. phone. down. Nothing good can come from checking your symptoms on Google or constantly self checking. I find that my anxiety lessens a lot when I sit down and color with my kiddos or play a card game. Focus on anything but yourself!
This is hard! I go through weeks of feeling like you do and then I'm fine. It does feel "really" real but please know you have amazing support here & you are fine!
Thank you. I've actually got myself showered and dressed and went out. It did distract me for a bit but I'm just so anxious about my vision. It seems
So hazy at the moment. I really struggled with the lights in the shops. I'm too scared to go to the optician in case they find optic nerve issues like my friend. It scares the daylights out of me
It's probably an after effect of Covid Chlobo.
Well done for getting put of the house!
It's probably an after effect of Covid Chlobo.
Well done for getting put of the house!
I hope that's all it is, I'm really focusing on my eyes at the moment because my friend is having issues with hers and it's triggered me very badly.
I never really know what's going on anymore, I get so many symptoms all the time, I just can't catch a break
I just can't catch a break
There's a world full of breaks right in front of you. You only need to take a step forward to realize it :winks:
FMP
I get so many symptoms all the time, I just can't catch a break
You .....need to make the break. Yet again, same as I've said before, this is YOU doing this with learnt behaviours and not some mystery serious illness called HA that you can't control.
Agreed. There's nothing wrong with you other than health anxiety, it's just something you need to keep on reminding yourself even if it's every other minute.
I'm just so worried that I have inflamed optic nerves. It's horrible how someone you know can have a problem and then it sort of leaks into your head. I keep envisioning going to the opticians and they say they are inflamed, queue me having a mental breakdown.
My friend has her MRI tomorrow. If they saw something like a tumour on her scan would they let her leave the hospital without telling her? Or would they want her to wait for a doctor
I keep focusing on my vision so much.
It almost seems like colours are more vivid than usual, I can see sort of shadows and blobs on white walls. I'm noticing floaters more.
I just want to be able to go to the eye doctor but the panic is stopping me just in case they find something serious wrong.
There's a world full of breaks right in front of you. You only need to take a step forward to realize it :winks:
FMP
How did you manage to free yourself from HA? Do you ever feel anxious anymore about potential symptoms? I know you've had cancer diagnosis yourself so I'm wondering how you managed to fight this
How did you manage to free yourself from HA? Do you ever feel anxious anymore about potential symptoms? I know you've had cancer diagnosis yourself so I'm wondering how you managed to fight this
I never suffered from HA. I found NMP while I was going through cancer treatment and there were HAers constantly bombarding the cancer forum I was on with their worries. I followed a few over here to give them a piece of my mind and ended up staying to try and help. That and the fact my daughter suffers from anxiety and depression, the site had resources that helped me understand her illness and help her.
I did battle some depression after my heart attacks and cancer but my ex suffered from severe depression which manifested itself into hoarding so I recognized the signs and sought help (therapy and meds). In fact, the CBT course here was quite beneficial in helping break some negative thought patterns and I've found many of the techniques useful in everyday life situations and still use them to this day.
I also struggled with what I called 'scanxiety' as I had to have scans every 3 months for the first two years after treatment. Being that I had a 50/50 chance of the cancer returning, you could imagine the stress. For me it manifested as irritability. As before, I recognized it and got some meds. I would start taking them them a couple weeks before the scan and being that it was a non-SSRI, I could stop once I got the all clear. The scans went from every three months to every 6 months after year two and I was declared 'cancer free' after 5 years in the Spring of 2018.
Honestly, rarely do I stress over health issues. After two heart attacks, triple bypass, stents and Stage IVa H&N cancer, if its going to be my time, its going to be my time. I just want it to be quick regardless of how it happens. I'm going to be 63 and I see so many my age and others close to it passing away so you never know when your card will be called. I know my body well enough to know when something is amiss so I call the doctor when needed but otherwise, especially after what I've been through, I deal with the aches and pains that come with enduring what I did and add age to it? Whew! Let's just say ibuprofen in one of my best friends. Add to that 6 prescription meds and a plethora of other supplements and OTC remedies. In the mean time, I'm living, doing things I enjoy (as much as we can in these times), eating right (most of the time) and thankful for every day I wake up and can spend another day with my wife, family and the fur babies.
You asked me directly so I've provided a reply. As others are saying, its up to you. Words on a screen aren't going to help. This has to come from inside of you and the desire to stop living as if you are dying.
The biggest regrets we have in life are not the the things we tried and failed at, they're the things we didn't try due to fear.
Good luck Chlobo....
FMP
As others are saying, its up to you. Words on a screen aren't going to help. This has to come from inside of you and the desire to stop living as if you are dying.
FMP,
Say not that words on a screen won't help -- for this was very many words on a screen, eh? :yesyes:Say, rather, that the words on a screen have to spark change, one way or the other -- either in being typed or read!
Otherwise, what are we all doing here, you (chasing us awful annoying HA folk :flowers:) ...or anyone else?
Chlobo, I believe in you., even if you don't have many beans to believe in yourself at the moment
BlueIris is right, HA is your real problem -- with the addendum that HA is bad enough to battle
ask at your next therapy appt how they can help you manage the thought/sensation cycle --
for many that's the fist step off the roller coaster of an HA episode
All the best!!
I'm so worried about my eyes I've got an appointment at 4 to get them checked, I booked it yesterday but I'm not sure I can actually go due to being scared.
My vision just feels weird, like different lightning looks strange. I've had multiple anxiety attacks this morning already. I'm so scared
Stop telling yourself you're scared, all it's doing is reinforcing the neural pathways that confirm the fear.
So, same thing as before then, and the same as all the other times over the years - including only a few weeks ago with a private Breast clinic.......you've made an appointment for paid reassurance. THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR EYES UNTIL YOUR FRIEND SAW AN OPTICIAN. Chlobo, you seem to have no ability at all to follow advice and guidance, either here or in your therapy (by the look of it as you've had multiple sets over the years). Until you want to do something about this, and stop reenforcing your old fears and habits - nothing will change. The cycle is repeating over and over and over. I'm personally giving up on replying here, until I 'hear' (via your words) some inkling of awareness or acceptance that you can do something about this or desire to change. I'm not talking here about 'Im desperate, I have HA, I'm scared', thats not a desire to change, that is reenforcing the same old c**p. Some good old fashioned willpower is needed sometimes ya know. You asked FMP yesterday 'how did you overcome HA', as it happens it wasn't something he has although he wrote a long post to you, BUT others have replied on your threads telling you exactly HOW.......its so annoying to see that your question of yesterday has been answered so many times already.
I'm frustrated, yep........LOL (so time to bow out anyway)
I know that when I was really bad, my health anxiety became almost a safe place; it stopped me having to take a step back and deal with any real problems I had.
Chlobo, why do you post here if you're not going to pay any attention to the hard-earned knowledge people are sharing?
WorryRaptor
05-01-22, 12:17
I'm so worried about my eyes I've got an appointment at 4 to get them checked, I booked it yesterday but I'm not sure I can actually go due to being scared.
My vision just feels weird, like different lightning looks strange. I've had multiple anxiety attacks this morning already. I'm so scared
Hi Chlobo,
Hope your appointment went well :)
It really does sound like you're in a panic spiral. They are really hard to pull yourself out of, and I understand how scary it feels. You get caught between the need to find an answer, and the fear that the answer will be something bad. The feeling that you just can't catch a break is your mind being exhausted by the constant loop of negativity. This isn't your fault, it's what anxiety does, and it's okay to admit it's scaring you. What you can do though, is take the steps to start taking control back from that anxiety, because it's lying to you, and draining your energy. It's VERY convincing. And it's produced by your own brain, with is super powerful. Nobody knows your body like your brain does, so it's going to throw all kinds of symptoms that feel so, so real.
I have OCD, and my anxiety manifests through compulsive behaviours, mainly around phobias of contracting rare viruses, or food being contaminated. While I don't have HA, the main component of what I deal with is powerful anxiety that is produced by my phobias. If I give into that anxiety by washing my dishes seven times for example, I'm feeding into the negativity loop, and reinforcing the fear. The same goes for hyper focusing on a physical symptom. You're just feeding the anxiety.
After you get the all clear from your eye test, why don't you make your next appointment a therapy one? You can do this :)
I'm so worried about my eyes I've got an appointment at 4 to get them checked, I booked it yesterday but I'm not sure I can actually go due to being scared.
My vision just feels weird, like different lightning looks strange. I've had multiple anxiety attacks this morning already. I'm so scared
Thank you for affirming my opinion and take care!
FMP
I just want to thank you for your very kind, thoughtful and considerate reply to my reply to your question. You've shown your heart and I truly appreciate it :) Thank you for affirming my opinion and take care!
FMP
I am going to reply to your reply fish, sorry I just got caught up in my eyes. I read all of what you said.
I didn't realise you hadn't had health anxiety, but that's great you have stayed to support everyone.
Dealing with cancer as well must of been especially hard, and scan anxiety I can't imagine. I get anxiety even if they wanted to scan my fingernail.
I do have my therapy appointment next week but at the moment I'm finding things difficult clearly, we haven't gone over coping with these awful effects anxiety has on us. I'm aware I have bad health anxiety, very very aware. But at the same time
It's the what if your me right this time that keeps it going you know.
Hi Chlobo,
Hope your appointment went well :)
It really does sound like you're in a panic spiral. They are really hard to pull yourself out of, and I understand how scary it feels. You get caught between the need to find an answer, and the fear that the answer will be something bad. The feeling that you just can't catch a break is your mind being exhausted by the constant loop of negativity. This isn't your fault, it's what anxiety does, and it's okay to admit it's scaring you. What you can do though, is take the steps to start taking control back from that anxiety, because it's lying to you, and draining your energy. It's VERY convincing. And it's produced by your own brain, with is super powerful. Nobody knows your body like your brain does, so it's going to throw all kinds of symptoms that feel so, so real.
I have OCD, and my anxiety manifests through compulsive behaviours, mainly around phobias of contracting rare viruses, or food being contaminated. While I don't have HA, the main component of what I deal with is powerful anxiety that is produced by my phobias. If I give into that anxiety by washing my dishes seven times for example, I'm feeding into the negativity loop, and reinforcing the fear. The same goes for hyper focusing on a physical symptom. You're just feeding the anxiety.
After you get the all clear from your eye test, why don't you make your next appointment a therapy one? You can do this :)
Thank you worry. Yes I understand, that must be really hard for you to break that cycle. Every part of you is screaming no you have to do it.
I think I've been in a panic spiral for weeks now and I just can't seem to get out of it. Every time I do it's something else, as is always the way with health anxiety. I'm definitely going through a nasty patch.
I pray my eyes are okay and my brain, but I guess who knows. My appointment is actually today so In a couple of hours xx
I never suffered from HA. I found NMP while I was going through cancer treatment and there were HAers constantly bombarding the cancer forum I was on with their worries. I followed a few over here to give them a piece of my mind and ended up staying to try and help. That and the fact my daughter suffers from anxiety and depression, the site had resources that helped me understand her illness and help her.
I did battle some depression after my heart attacks and cancer but my ex suffered from severe depression which manifested itself into hoarding so I recognized the signs and sought help (therapy and meds). In fact, the CBT course here was quite beneficial in helping break some negative thought patterns and I've found many of the techniques useful in everyday life situations and still use them to this day.
I also struggled with what I called 'scanxiety' as I had to have scans every 3 months for the first two years after treatment. Being that I had a 50/50 chance of the cancer returning, you could imagine the stress. For me it manifested as irritability. As before, I recognized it and got some meds. I would start taking them them a couple weeks before the scan and being that it was a non-SSRI, I could stop once I got the all clear. The scans went from every three months to every 6 months after year two and I was declared 'cancer free' after 5 years in the Spring of 2018.
Honestly, rarely do I stress over health issues. After two heart attacks, triple bypass, stents and Stage IVa H&N cancer, if its going to be my time, its going to be my time. I just want it to be quick regardless of how it happens. I'm going to be 63 and I see so many my age and others close to it passing away so you never know when your card will be called. I know my body well enough to know when something is amiss so I call the doctor when needed but otherwise, especially after what I've been through, I deal with the aches and pains that come with enduring what I did and add age to it? Whew! Let's just say ibuprofen in one of my best friends. Add to that 6 prescription meds and a plethora of other supplements and OTC remedies. In the mean time, I'm living, doing things I enjoy (as much as we can in these times), eating right (most of the time) and thankful for every day I wake up and can spend another day with my wife, family and the fur babies.
You asked me directly so I've provided a reply. As others are saying, its up to you. Words on a screen aren't going to help. This has to come from inside of you and the desire to stop living as if you are dying.
The biggest regrets we have in life are not the the things we tried and failed at, they're the things we didn't try due to fear.
Good luck Chlobo....
FMP
It's amazing how you've had so much to deal with physically yet you seem so grounded. It sounds like your daughter is lucky to have you supporting her. As much as I'd annoy you I wish my dad would of been as supportive of me
I know that when I was really bad, my health anxiety became almost a safe place; it stopped me having to take a step back and deal with any real problems I had.
Chlobo, why do you post here if you're not going to pay any attention to the hard-earned knowledge people are sharing?
Yeah I feel the same, it's weird isn't it? It's almost like you know this feeling and you don't dare to be happy.
I do read everyone's replies and I do read them more than once when I'm feeling awful, as much as people think I'm not taking it in, I am. I'm just in a bad spiral right now and it's really hard not to keep asking for reassurance
FMP,
Say not that words on a screen won't help -- for this was very many words on a screen, eh? :yesyes:Say, rather, that the words on a screen have to spark change, one way or the other -- either in being typed or read!
Otherwise, what are we all doing here, you (chasing us awful annoying HA folk :flowers:) ...or anyone else?
Chlobo, I believe in you., even if you don't have many beans to believe in yourself at the moment
BlueIris is right, HA is your real problem -- with the addendum that HA is bad enough to battle
ask at your next therapy appt how they can help you manage the thought/sensation cycle --
for many that's the fist step off the roller coaster of an HA episode
All the best!!
Yes it's the thought and sensation cycle that's the hardest part. It's breaking that cycle and it's so hard. I'm not sure how not to react to my body anymore. And I'm hoping the more sessions I have I'm going to learn that. I've had health anxiety as long as I can remember so my therapist did say it would take some work.
It's an awful way to live
Thank you for such a supportive message and saying you believe in me
So, same thing as before then, and the same as all the other times over the years - including only a few weeks ago with a private Breast clinic.......you've made an appointment for paid reassurance. THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR EYES UNTIL YOUR FRIEND SAW AN OPTICIAN. Why don't you learn ? Chlobo, you seem to have no ability at all to follow advice and guidance, either here or in your therapy (by the look of it). Until you want to do something about this, and stop reenforcing your old fears and habits - nothing will change. The cycle is repeating over and over and over. I'm personally giving up on replying here, until I 'hear' (via your words) some inkling of awareness or acceptance that you can do something about this or desire to change. I'm not talking here about 'Im desperate, I have HA, I'm scared', thats not a desire to change, that is reenforcing the same old c**p. You asked FMP yesterday 'how did you overcome HA', as it happens it wasn't something he has although he wrote a long post to you, BUT others have replied on your threads telling you exactly HOW.......its so annoying to see that your question of yesterday has been answered so many times already.
I'm frustrated, yep........LOL (so time to bow out anyway)
I know, I know. Honestly I do know, it's just I can't rest, I can't settle until I get that test or see the doctor. And even then sometimes I can't rest. I'm in a hole right now and have been for weeks. My next therapy appointment is next week as I've been unwell. I'm going to ask how to deal with the obsessive behaviours
I know, I know. Honestly I do know, it's just I can't rest, I can't settle until I get that test or see the doctor. And even then sometimes I can't rest. I'm in a hole right now and have been for weeks. My next therapy appointment is next week as I've been unwell. I'm going to ask how to deal with the obsessive behaviours
We haven't covered much in therapy at all yet as I was sick so she changed some sessions for me and rearranged them for another time.
We haven't gone over how to deal with all the thoughts yet and the behaviours. I know it's a problem it's just hard to gain control. I do want this to change
Okay so I went to my eye appointment.
Optic nerves are fine (phew) he's given me a small prescription for reading and my phone.
He did note that my pupils are a bit slow to react but he wasn't worried and it's probably the Citalopram I take. That did make my heart thud a bit but I knew they were a little slow to react because I've seen it happen for years.
I am struggling with some thoughts after that appointment but I know I need to just stop and breathe and be happy that my eyes are healthy.
Hooray! Please focus your attention on taming your HA, now. Really, it can be done!! And we're happy to cheer you on as you work.
WorryRaptor
06-01-22, 20:39
Great news that you got the all clear. :)
Next, conquering the anxiety. You've got this!
Great news that you got the all clear. :)
Next, conquering the anxiety. You've got this!
Thank you. I've got some work to put in but I really hope I can do this.
I watched a video that triggered me terribly tonight, it's actually made me feel sick. Health anxiety is a nightmare
Hooray! Please focus your attention on taming your HA, now. Really, it can be done!! And we're happy to cheer you on as you work.
Thank you. Are we able to post photos on here does anyone know?
I wouldn't mind uploading some photos of the work I have to do, maybe it would help ms
My eyes 😞 my eyes, my eyes 😞
My vision still seems so odd. Ever since I had covid, but also I've upped my Citalopram to 40mg so could that also be a factor?
My vision isn't blurred but my eyes are always tired, I keep seeing static on the white walls when I look round my living room. Certain lights make my eyes feel really funny, and I've noticed after images more. I've also got this horrible feeling of pressure like a band over the bridge of my nose, I went to a baby group today and there was a lime green mat on the floor which the babies were playing on, well the lights beaming down on the mat reflected the green on there faces slightly, I don't even know if that's normal? Or was it just my eyes. I'm struggling in dim light or artificial lifts, I feel like there is a static fuzz to my eyes. This is scaring me
My eyes 😞 my eyes, my eyes 😞
My vision still seems so odd. Ever since I had covid, but also I've upped my Citalopram to 40mg so could that also be a factor?
My vision isn't blurred but my eyes are always tired, I keep seeing static on the white walls when I look round my living room. Certain lights make my eyes feel really funny, and I've noticed after images more. I've also got this horrible feeling of pressure like a band over the bridge of my nose, I went to a baby group today and there was a lime green mat on the floor which the babies were playing on, well the lights beaming down on the mat reflected the green on there faces slightly, I don't even know if that's normal? Or was it just my eyes. I'm struggling in dim light or artificial lifts, I feel like there is a static fuzz to my eyes. This is scaring me
Artificial lights not lifts!
I'm just scared that covid has affected my brain or something. My eye test was okay, the man said my optic nerves were fine and my eye pressure was also fine. But I just feel like maybe something is going on that he couldn't see. I don't know if it's all just after affects of covid. But I'm 3 weeks since testing positive now so I thought the symptoms would of totally gone
Pamplemousse
11-01-22, 13:25
My eyes 😞 my eyes, my eyes 😞
My vision still seems so odd. Ever since I had covid, but also I've upped my Citalopram to 40mg so could that also be a factor?
My vision isn't blurred but my eyes are always tired, I keep seeing static on the white walls when I look round my living room. Certain lights make my eyes feel really funny, and I've noticed after images more. I've also got this horrible feeling of pressure like a band over the bridge of my nose, I went to a baby group today and there was a lime green mat on the floor which the babies were playing on, well the lights beaming down on the mat reflected the green on there faces slightly, I don't even know if that's normal? Or was it just my eyes. I'm struggling in dim light or artificial lifts, I feel like there is a static fuzz to my eyes. This is scaring me
All that you describe, Chlobo, seems perfectly normal to me. Yes, the colour change of faces from reflected light on a brightly coloured surface is perfectly normal. The "noise" in your eyes under low light is also normal - I work in a low-light environment and often see this when I'm tired. If you live in a brightly-lit environment it's quite common to see an after-image, a sort of "lag".
All that you describe, Chlobo, seems perfectly normal to me. Yes, the colour change of faces from reflected light on a brightly coloured surface is perfectly normal. The "noise" in your eyes under low light is also normal - I work in a low-light environment and often see this when I'm tired. If you live in a brightly-lit environment it's quite common to see an after-image, a sort of "lag".
Thanks Pample. I just feel so tired all the time too, I've got four young kids but I got up at 7am, got myself and the kids ready for school, went to this baby group, then I walked my dog for an hour, came home and ended up falling asleep on the sofa.
I do see noise in my eyes for sure, that's a great way to describe it. In my dimly lit room I can see fuzz on the white walls, almost like static. Who knows if I've always had this. I can't trust my body or the sensations it brings because I never know what's real. I'm not sure if I'm hyper aware of my vision right now and it's causing issues. My friend is also going through some eye health issues at the moment which is causing me anxiety. It's just one thing after another all the time
That's HA though and perceived issues not clinically diagnosed issues. How is your friend doing?
Pamplemousse
11-01-22, 14:48
Thanks Pample. I just feel so tired all the time too, I've got four young kids but I got up at 7am, got myself and the kids ready for school, went to this baby group, then I walked my dog for an hour, came home and ended up falling asleep on the sofa.
I do see noise in my eyes for sure, that's a great way to describe it. In my dimly lit room I can see fuzz on the white walls, almost like static. Who knows if I've always had this. I can't trust my body or the sensations it brings because I never know what's real. I'm not sure if I'm hyper aware of my vision right now and it's causing issues. My friend is also going through some eye health issues at the moment which is causing me anxiety. It's just one thing after another all the time
I think you are hyper-aware at the moment, it's part and parcel of health anxiety. You've probably never noticed it before. If I were to put it into video terms, your eyes have both automatic iris and automatic gain. In bright light your iris controls the amount of light coming into your eye but there comes a point where as the light dims, your iris can't open any more so your eye turns up its sensitivity. If you go into a really dark room - like say, a cupboard under the stairs - at first it will seem very dark indeed. Give yourself twenty minutes in the cupboard (with the door shut, obviously!) and you'll start notice every little crack of light coming in, even an outline of objects. What you will also notice is 'noise' - just like the 'snow' we had on weak TV pictures before we went digital.
Sorry if I've ignored any previous messages but I'm in a state.
I was on the toilet for a bit this morning and when I got up I started panicking I was a bit numb. I then pinched my bum and couldn't feel it very well, queue absolute melt down panic. I got a fork and raked it as hard as I could down my bottom and cut myself really badly, it stings a lot. Does that mean I'm not numb. I don't understand why but my bum and thighs feels like their not as sensitive as usual when I touch them. I've had to force myself out of a huge panic attack because I'm meant to be going to a trampoline park with my kids soon.
My bottom is so sore I can barely sit down,
I hate this
Okay, this is way out of control. You need to find a crisis line right now, that or try phoning 111.
Okay, this is way out of control. You need to find a crisis line right now, that or try phoning 111.
I've managed to calm myself down enough to be able to sit down, I'm home now, I'm really sore, but genuinely there is a certain area on my bottom which isn't as sensitive when I pinch it.
My bottom and thighs are bruised now from pinching myself. I feel really awful today.
Contact professional help, Chlobo, you're self-harming.
I got a fork and raked it as hard as I could down my bottom and cut myself really badly
BI is spot on. This is out of control and frankly scary. You have children you're responsible for and are doing this to yourself?! Please contact mental health services.
FMP
Pamplemousse
16-01-22, 13:07
Sorry if I've ignored any previous messages but I'm in a state.
I was on the toilet for a bit this morning and when I got up I started panicking I was a bit numb. I then pinched my bum and couldn't feel it very well, queue absolute melt down panic. I got a fork and raked it as hard as I could down my bottom and cut myself really badly, it stings a lot. Does that mean I'm not numb. I don't understand why but my bum and thighs feels like their not as sensitive as usual when I touch them. I've had to force myself out of a huge panic attack because I'm meant to be going to a trampoline park with my kids soon.
My bottom is so sore I can barely sit down,
I hate this
Chlobo, you're worrying me now. It's time you rang 111 at the very least and hopefully they can advise you what to do next but for now, this is crazy - I know I have places where I'm less sensitive than others, which is why I rarely have my phone on 'vibrate' because guess what? I can't feel it.
Also, when sensitivity tests are done on your skin (like they are on me because I'm diabetic) they're done with a very light pressure, not what you've just done.
Agreed. This is very concerning, contact someone as a matter of urgency as when you get to self testing that it causing personal injury then intervention is needed.
I'll tell my therapist this week what I've done. It was a moment of pure panic, I'm paying the price for it now though.
I've made my mum touch my back and legs and I can feel it.
I don't know what's going on with me I really don't, I feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes
I've gently ran my fingers down my back and I can feel it, and my legs. It was just certain area on my bum I couldn't feel as much when pinched. Maybe it isn't a sensitive area, as it's just a lot of skin and muscle. It scared me into thinking I had a spinal tumour or something.
It was a moment of pure panic
...and if you have another moment like this, of irrational pure panic ?
(Straight on from the eyes to now a spinal tumour.)
...and if you have another moment like this, of irrational pure panic ?
(Straight on from the eyes to now a spinal tumour.)
I don't know what I would do, clearly I'm capable of hurting myself physically, I feel almost embarrassed at my actions. It had been brewing for a couple of days as I have had some tingling on and off in my left hand which was worrying me.
I honestly just lost it, I'm still worried now. I feel hopeless right now.
Stop crying for tea and sympathy and actually do something to help yourself. Call a crisis line and tell them your HA caused you to harm yourself.
Nobody cares about the latest focus of your anxiety, it's just window dressing for the horrible disease you DO have.
Stop crying for tea and sympathy and actually do something to help yourself. Call a crisis line and tell them your HA caused you to harm yourself.
Nobody cares about the latest focus of your anxiety, it's just window dressing for the horrible disease you DO have.
I've called them before and they do nothing.
A woman called me and spoke to me for about 20 mins asking if I was suicidal, Then said I need to see the GP again.
It's ruined my day, I didn't even dare bounce and play with my children because I was too scared. I ended up frozen to my seat for an hour while they played. I shouldn't of pinched my skin to self test, it was a stupid thing to do, I knew it would throw me into panic.
It was a stupid thing to do because you hurt yourself.
I'm super stressed at the moment, my friend is waiting for her MRI results, she had the scan about a week ago and we haven't heard anything back yet. They said it could be up to two weeks. I'm projecting her physical issues into myself and having catastrophic thoughts about my own health.
Numbness, tingling, weak feelings. I've had all of this since the last week. I just don't know how to calm down. It's constant and everyday.
Don't care. Deal with your self-harming behaviours.
Pamplemousse
16-01-22, 16:59
I've called them before and they do nothing.
A woman called me and spoke to me for about 20 mins asking if I was suicidal, Then said I need to see the GP again.
Sadly, that's about the size of it with crisis lines. Sometimes you're told to present yourself to A&E if you feel you're a danger to yourself.
You do need to see a GP but people get fobbed off with CBT in the UK because it's cheap. Most CBT worksheets are freely available on the Internet, there's even a "CBT for Dummies" book. I shall be speaking to a GP again presently but this time I will be demanding a referral to a psychiatrist. I've been having CBT (yet again) for my anxiety this last few weeks and it has been utterly useless. Either the therapist is a newbie or completely out of their depth where I'm concerned, but it has been a complete waste of time - as I knew it would be.
Have a look here Chlobo - http://getselfhelp.co.uk/ - but I think your problems may be more deep seated than this.
nomorepanic
16-01-22, 18:39
I gave you some links to self-help - did you even bother to look at them?
Pamplemousse
16-01-22, 19:28
I gave you some links to self-help - did you even bother to look at them?
To whom is your comment addressed, Nicola?
nomorepanic
16-01-22, 22:03
To whom is your comment addressed, Nicola?
chlobo
WorryRaptor
16-01-22, 22:05
Chlobo, you NEED to seek mental health services as soon as possible. You've just self harmed.
I know it can be pretty abysmal in the UK when it comes to mental health services, and it can be difficult to get heard, but don't let this go on. Call your GP surgery in the morning and tell them you need an urgent appointment, and don't take no for an answer. If you feel like you'll hurt yourself again, go to A&E.
The numbness you talked about - the areas you talked about are naturally more fatty with less nerve endings. You'll normally have less sensation there. Your brain is amplifying those differences.
No more panic - I did look at them, and I've read so much but when these attacks of panic about disease come on it's so instant and frightening it's like I don't have time to think.
Worry- thank you so much, I have gently pushed a pin into the areas I'm worried about and I can feel them. But I have this numb feeling sort of inside of that makes sense?
I went to the toilet and I have total control of my bowels but it's like I couldn't feel myself going to the toilet very well. I had a pelvic X-ray last year that I thought showed my lower spine so how fast can these things happen?
This is a really odd feeling. Anxiety has given me awful symptoms before so it is possible but it doesn't stop the fear this is something awful happening like something pressing on my spine or some other spinal issue.
Sadly, that's about the size of it with crisis lines. Sometimes you're told to present yourself to A&E if you feel you're a danger to yourself.
You do need to see a GP but people get fobbed off with CBT in the UK because it's cheap. Most CBT worksheets are freely available on the Internet, there's even a "CBT for Dummies" book. I shall be speaking to a GP again presently but this time I will be demanding a referral to a psychiatrist. I've been having CBT (yet again) for my anxiety this last few weeks and it has been utterly useless. Either the therapist is a newbie or completely out of their depth where I'm concerned, but it has been a complete waste of time - as I knew it would be.
Have a look here Chlobo - http://getselfhelp.co.uk/ - but I think your problems may be more deep seated than this.
Thanks pample. I agree the CBT for me just doesn't seem to help my mindset, so I have no idea what to do anymore, I think my therapist is also a newbie personally.
My face to face sessions have stopped now due to covid again, which was more helpful to me than video call.
I didn't mean to hurt myself as much as I did, it was sheer panic and I didn't mean to do it as hard as I did. I was just so scared I was numb and pinching my skin wasn't really giving me enough feeling.
However, your anxiety is still sending you to a dangerous place, which is why you NEED to speak to your GP and advocate for yourself.
However, your anxiety is still sending you to a dangerous place, which is why you NEED to speak to your GP and advocate for yourself.
I will talk to the GP, and my therapist.
I don't feel safe at all, everyday is filled with fear and worry that im going to die in a horrible way.
I can't even count the intrusive thoughts I have.
I just don't know what to do anymore, I don't want sympathy, I just want to feel safe.
Just to clarify (for the sake of accuracy about Self-harming as a concept) 'Self-harming' is something done deliberately, a choice by the individual, to reduce a strong stress -
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-harm/about-self-harm/
what Chlobo did was 'extreme and bizarre testing of her body', due to HA, which caused her an injury. We see stories on here every single day of self-testing (poking something in their arm or doing various repetitive exercises etc), albeit seemingly more dramatically described in this instance. Of course it is a problem, and of concern that Chlobo is allowing herself to get to this level of self-testing and unable to follow the cbt guidance given through many courses.
That's fair, Carys. I was just trying to bring it home to Chlobo quite how problematic her behaviour is.
HI Blue, apologies, it was a general comment after seeing a number of replies using that phrase, I wasn't making a personal comment. (infact I don't recall seeing your comment using this phrase LOL) I just think we need to be careful about naming this behaviour as 'self harming', she is harming herself but seemingly with a different reason......deeply problematic....ABSOLUTELY !!
Why does it feel like I have less feeling than usual in my bottom, I'm scared I'm losing feeling and I'll lose control of my bowels. TMI sorry but I went for a number 2 and it felt almost like it was numb inside?
I had a slight tingling in my hand the last few days on and off that's worrying me.
If I run something down my back I can feel it but this is such a weird feeling.
What could it be??
Once again, you're ignoring the real problem and hyperfixating on the fictional one.
Once again, you're ignoring the real problem and hyperfixating on the fictional one.
I hope it's just anxiety 😟
I'm frightened,
You're frightened? Really? Why didn't you just say so?
Once again, you're ignoring the real problem and hyperfixating on the fictional one.
This. You spend your life (and have for years) and all the mental energy you have in repeating to yourself, over and over, that you have a terminal and illness and are dying - any wonder you feel percieved symptoms ?
WorryRaptor
17-01-22, 11:49
Just to clarify (for the sake of accuracy about Self-harming as a concept) 'Self-harming' is something done deliberately, a choice by the individual, to reduce a strong stress -
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-harm/about-self-harm/
what Chlobo did was 'extreme and bizarre testing of her body', due to HA, which caused her an injury. We see stories on here every single day of self-testing (poking something in their arm or doing various repetitive exercises etc), albeit seemingly more dramatically described in this instance. Of course it is a problem, and of concern that Chlobo is allowing herself to get to this level of self-testing and unable to follow the cbt guidance given through many courses.
Thank you for clarifying as I honestly thought it was the same, just from my own experiences. In my early teens I had an obsessive checking habit which resulted in injury and my therapist marked it as self harming in her evaluation of me. I was treated for self harming and depression, which wasn't what I had. In later years I actually self harmed in the true sense of the term and for both times they they classified it as self harming. Now that I read up on it more, it seems they were using the term interchangeably, which they shouldn't have.
WorryRaptor
17-01-22, 12:00
Why does it feel like I have less feeling than usual in my bottom, I'm scared I'm losing feeling and I'll lose control of my bowels. TMI sorry but I went for a number 2 and it felt almost like it was numb inside?
I had a slight tingling in my hand the last few days on and off that's worrying me.
If I run something down my back I can feel it but this is such a weird feeling.
What could it be??
Your mind is hyperfocusing on every sensation, or difference in sensation and amplifying it. Another thing anxiety does is put your body into a state of mild shock. Blood rushes to your core, away from extremities, and it can cause tingling, numb feelings and all kinds of weird sensations. Anxiety also messes with the way you breathe and you could be hyperventilating without noticing. Another big culprit for feelings of numbness and tingling.
Tingling in one hand is almost always a pinched nerve in the back, arm or shoulder. So so so common and not dangerous.
The only way you're going to get through this is to address the anxiety.
Now that I read up on it more, it seems they were using the term interchangeably, which they shouldn't have.
Well, thats my reading of it, but someone might know better than me...... :)
I would say it's self testing
Does posting on here make you more resistant to real life therapy, Chlobo? How are you getting on with that homework?
I would say it's self testing
Does posting on here make you more resistant to real life therapy, Chlobo? How are you getting on with that homework?
It was self testing, I just went too far.
I don't think it does, I like to ask other's opinions because I can't sit with the worry.
I'm waiting until I really need a wee before I go to the toilet to test whether the feeling is there that I need to go.
I've filled the sheets out, it mainly asks me things like 'symptoms' then 'logical reasons for symptoms'
But that doesn't really make me less anxious, I just write it down but the what it is still there.
I clearly have some sort of panic disorder as well as health anxiety. This is just so deep rooted. I remember being 8 years old and running home from a friends house because I had a rash on my hand and I thought it was meningitis.
This has gone on for so long now, I'm 31 and basically all my life has been being afraid of disease, I don't want to live my entire life like this, but as much as I try to be strict with myself something knocks me back down again and I'm back to square one. After my breast issues I promised myself I wouldn't let myself get into that state again but here I am again.
How have you been strict with yourself since seeing the breast consultant?
How have you been strict with yourself since seeing the breast consultant?
I've had various symptoms since my breast worry. I guess I posted about my eyes a lot and I was worried, that's all gone away now, vision is fine. Whether it was the aftermath of covid or anxiety who knows.
I mean, everyday I wake up and I have health worries that plague me all day, whether it's a sensation, a potential lump I think I can feel, it's constant and endless.
I try to let the thoughts come and go and pass but it immediately affects my body and mind within seconds of having a sensation.
I read in some of my CBT that we could describe it as a 'noisy body' rather like a car it creaks and groans from time to time. I try to install that thought but every sensation just makes me panic. I have days where I worry but I can almost control it to an extent, but then I'll have like a mini breakdown or a long breakdown over something and it's relentless.
I'm just petrified of death, dying a horrible death and leaving my children young and defenceless. It wasn't as bad when I only had me to worry about. And I now have four kids who rely on me, who need me here with them. It makes it so bloody hard to control the anxiety.
Like now I'm pacing round the kitchen, I can feel my bladder could be emptied but I haven't got that desperate feeling yet and I'm worrying. All I can picture is MRI's and doctors and hospital beds and death.
The doctors know how much I suffer, it's all in my history, my notes. They see me at my worst. But nothing is really ever done. All they offer is CBT, nothing else. I've heard EMR therapy is something that's good but they won't offer it.
I contacted a hypnotist who wanted £500 for 6 sessions of hypnotherapy which I just can't afford.
The doctors know how much I suffer, it's all in my history, my notes. They see me at my worst. But nothing is really ever done. All they offer is CBT, nothing else. I've heard EMR therapy is something that's good but they won't offer it.
I contacted a hypnotist who wanted £500 for 6 sessions of hypnotherapy which I just can't afford.
Or they look at me hyperventilating and crying like I'm a mad woman. Where is the help for Heath anxiety? They just throw anti depressants at me which I've been on for 10 odd years and they do nothing. I can't even stop them because I can't function without them and I get awful withdrawal.
Its not about THEM doing things - things are being offered to you, and have been in the past but unless you follow the advice and work hard at it, understand that there is no magic wand from the the medics, then HA persists . They've not just thrown anti-depressants at you, as you have had various therapy sessions over the years which you've talked about. I'm sorry Chlobo but this is really self-pitying and 'nothing is ever really done' is just missing the point we've been saying to you for thread after thread - YOU have to do things, you have to make changes, only YOU can do this. Its empowering for many to hear this, that the key to the freedom is within the individual, have ownership, take control.
If they do nothing, then you should switch. If you want to come off them, it's a horrible feeling but a temporary one.
You're not helpless, you've just convinced yourself you are.
Fantastic post, Carys.
In my health anxiety journey, the one moment I remember above all others is having a violent panic attack in a therapy session, so bad I couldn't sit down. I remember the therapist forcing me to do breathing exercises even when I told her they didn't work for me. I remember keeping at it for about half an hour with her, and the panic suddenly just dissolving. I didn't feel the usual post-panic days of shakiness and nausea, either.
That was when I realised that this was something I could wrangle for myself, and it was absolutely exhilarating. A year or two later I decided I needed meds, and they give me the stability I need to be able to look after myself.
You could, too, but you have to knock the self-pity on the head and start taking responsibility.
I'm not sure its that 'fantastic' Blue - but thanks anyway. I just feel that serial long-term posters on here are those that expect others to 'solve' or 'cure' them, they view HA as a disease and not a set of repeated behaviours and faulty thought processes. With extended motivation and damned hard work progress can be made. For you Chlobo, think of the years you have been in this position, it can take many years to reverse it, years of practice and retraining how you process bodily sensations etc. Its horrible living as you do now, fearing every ache and pain, being at the mercy of the fear which is overriding happiness. You have 4 children, you talk about needing to physically be there for them, but what about emotionally and psychologically 'there' for them ? Them being with a mother who isn't wrought with terror at every percieved terminal illness. They need you to get better, so you can teach them to be calm and fearless, they surely need you to work really hard at any therapy thrown your way. I don't really know what I'm aiming at here........I guess just hoping a switch changes with how you view CBT.
I'm not sure its that 'fantastic' Blue - but thanks anyway. I just feel that serial long-term posters on here are those that expect others to 'solve' or 'cure' them, they view HA as a disease and not a set of repeated behaviours and faulty thought processes. With extended motivation and damned hard work progress can be made. For you Chlobo, think of the years you have been in this position, it can take many years to reverse it, years of practice and retraining how you process bodily sensations etc. Its horrible living as you do now, fearing every ache and pain, being at the mercy of the fear which is overriding happiness. You have 4 children, you talk about needing to physically be there for them, but what about emotionally and psychologically 'there' for them ? Them being with a mother who isn't wrought with terror at every percieved terminal illness. They need you to get better, so you can teach them to be calm and fearless, they surely need you to work really hard at any therapy thrown your way. I don't really know what I'm aiming at here........I guess just hoping a switch changes with how you view CBT.
My eldest daughter is 8 nearly and she has no idea I have health anxiety, I hide it from her completely. To her I'm just a normal mummy, I put everything aside to look after them. I try to be very lighthearted around health with them, my 4 year old has had a sickness bug this weekend and I've had to put this anxiety to one side about my spine and everything else to be able to be there mentally and physically for her.
You are right I do need to put my all into my therapy, because if god forbid I was diagnosed with something how could I cope? My brother actually said that to me, how would you cope if you had an actual disease and I couldn't answer him.
I just don't have much faith in anything working and yes that's not a good way to think but everytime I try to focus my attention on my mental health another physical symptom pops up and takes my focus away because I then put all my attention into that symptom. I can't concentrate on my therapy because my mind is taken up by physical feelings.
I also think I'm not mentally unwell, I just have a lot of weird symptoms which would scare anyone. Then I question the actual need for CBT.
Maybe I'm not even making sense, I'm so tired, I can't go to bed until I need to pee and I'm still waiting. My bladder is full but no urgency yet, the thoughts are just spinning round about all the illness that could be causing the loss of sensation. I don't even really know how much I pee. I know I can hold it for a while as I don't go when I'm out of the house, only at home. I just desperately want to feel like I need to wee, then I'll relax a little more.
I also think I'm not mentally unwell, I just have a lot of weird symptoms which would scare anyone
Nope, this is mentally unwell. If you can't accept this is HA, and not 'weird symptoms that would scare anyone', then I honestly don't know what else to say.
My eldest daughter is 8 nearly and she has no idea I have health anxiety, I hide it from her completely. To her I'm just a normal mummy,
I know from 1st hand experience that kids pick up on WAY more than we give them credit for.... Just saying...
FMP
But if you have 4 children under 8 how do you manage to devote so much time to your HA?
Kids do pick up way more; they hear snippets, see behaviours, watch interactions between people or hear them with doors closed between, note subtle changes in your mood etc..... (e.g. said the other day at the trampoline park that you were 'stuck to the chair' the whole time with fear and couldn't move) As hard as you try to hide it (and children know when people are hiding things) they will know your mood changes, nobody can be natural and happy with your constant fear and axiety taking up so much head space.
You are right I do need to put my all into my therapy, because if god forbid I was diagnosed with something how could I cope? My brother actually said that to me, how would you cope if you had an actual disease and I couldn't answer him.
In honour of your brother, who recognised the effect on you and asked a rhetorical question of you, make something positive come from his loss - make the change ? One day you will be diagnosed, we all will, we will all end our lives. It hopefully won't be for a very long time, till old age, but for many of us we will have diagnoses of 'things' before old age - thats modern healthcare and its design. You are living life as if you are dying, wasting it.
I've spent all morning worrying about cauda equina (spelling might be wrong) I feel all tingly and weird.
I woke up this morning and went for a wee, but again I didn't feel desperate urge. In fact I had held it for a good 8 hours.
They probably have picked up on details, definitely mood changes but I just say sometimes I struggle with how I feel inside my head. Im always honest. Just I don't want to put the fear into them that I have.
I have my therapy session tomorrow, hopefully that'll help some. Im just in panic mode right now. I can't focus on anything apart from my bladder and how it feels.
Just remember, therapy will only work if you actively put the work in to use what you learn during the sessions.
So how many hours have you spent online "researching" cauda equina his morning?
Hours that (whatever this illness is) could have been spent on focusing on therapy.
I repeat -
In honour of your brother, who recognised the effect on you and asked a rhetorical question of you, make something positive come from his loss - make the change ? One day you will be diagnosed, we all will, we will all end our lives. It hopefully won't be for a very long time, till old age, but for many of us we will have diagnoses of 'things' before old age - thats modern healthcare and its design. You are living life as if you are dying, wasting it.
So how many hours have you spent online "researching" cauda equina his morning?
I already knew about it unfortunately from past research and it was something I always remembered. 😢
Hours that (whatever this illness is) could have been spent on focusing on therapy.
I repeat -
He didn't actually die from his brain tumour, he's still alive and cancer free 6 years on
He just rolls his eyes at me A LOT
Chlobo. This [editing to add: the numbnes on standing up from the toilet] is a real thing. A real thing that is 100% NOT fatal, not even remotely.
I've had it myself.
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamaneurology/article-abstract/774598
Please please PLEASE please please please please go work on your mental health.
Not tomorrow, not when you feel better. Now! :flowers:
Chlobo. This [editing to add: the numbnes on standing up from the toilet] is a real thing. A real thing that is 100% NOT fatal, not even remotely.
I've had it myself.
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamaneurology/article-abstract/774598
Please please PLEASE please please please please go work on your mental health.
Not tomorrow, not when you feel better. Now! :flowers:
Thank you, I don't have that feeling now but I'm scared because I don't feel like I'm having the urge to wee like I should be, it isn't a feeling of urgency
But that feeling when I got off the toilet is what started this panic
I would say working on your mental health means not using the internet to research anything medical at all..Just in case there is anything which could "interest " your HA mindset.
There is plenty of stuff on NMP which is tempting to read too but my advice would be to stick to this thread. I think you need a strict plan and support to keep to that plan. Nothing vague.
Exactly. You want to be able to accept the anxious thoughts and let them pass; that won't happen if you're constantly fixating on them.
Oh, Cholobo.
Just 10 days ago it was your eyes (which were dismissed as perfectly fine), then just a few days ago your numb butt (which is now 100% dismissible too), and now you're going to worry about urges to wee?
How long until you give yourself a bladder infection trying to hold it? And then you're worry about your kidneys, or liver, or pancreas, or... or... or...
Until and unless you work on your mental health, you will live in a permanent "I don't have that feeling now but I'm scared because I don't feel..."
Seriously, you've gone from eyes to wees in less than 2 weeks flat. Can you take a big step back and see how... well... how ridiculous that looks?
I am saying this with all possible kindness, I promise.
But really, you need to stop interrogating your body constantly, and that's only possible via the MH work every single person here is roaring at you about.
Also, note: I've given Chlobo her easy shot of reassurance here precisely because I want her to see how absolutely ridiculous this is.
Even the "worst" new things she's coming up with are laughably easy to dismiss even from a real medical perspective!
(much like posts here in which people are like "I feel this lump/thing in this location" and the answer turns out to be "congratulations, you've discovered a feature of normal anatomy that has been well documented since the 11th century") :whistles:The thing is, Chlobo, you need to take everyone's advice here, as we're all giving you variations on the theme of:
None of what you think your body is feeling is an actual problem.
The actual problem is 10000% your HA and HA behaviours
Best wishes, but please please go log off and do some of the HA homework... now!
He didn't actually die from his brain tumour, he's still alive and cancer free 6 years on
Right ok - I had no idea about that, I thought that he had passed on from it years ago and it was what caused you having such fears (thought I saw that on a post years ago, that it was your trigger). Its amazing news then, he is alive and cancer free six years later, so was effectively treated and is doing really well. I'm not surprised he rolls his eyes at you and asks such questions of you Chlobo.
just 10 days ago it was your eyes
...and before that, just days before, it was Breast Cancer...and before that ....
Engage fully with any support being offered to you. Take it as your responsibility to do the hard work required. Don't make further excuses.
I thought the same as you, Carys. Have you ever told us this before,Chlobo? I'm very glad that he is recovered and healthy now.
He was diagnosed 6 years ago, he had a grade 4 tumour. I can't remember what they called it but it began with A. He had an operation, chemo, and radiotherapy which worked really well. 6 months later it grew back and he had another op and more chemo and radiotherapy.
The doctors were pretty amazed at his progress. They have said they can only do one more operation on the brain if it comes back again. It's been 6 years and no reoccurrence so we all pray that it's gone for good.
But I already had health anxiety before he was diagnosed. His diagnosis and watching him with tubes coming out of his brain and a cancer diagnosis made my anxiety so much worse.
There are also other events in my life which have contributed to it.
This morning isn't a good morning. My legs felt heavy when I walked my son to school, both my girls have this sickness bug now. I stuck a needle in my lower back to check I could feel it and yes I could. But I have a numb band feeling around my lower back.
I went to the toilet this morning, didn't feel over desperate again, more pressure in bladder and that I needed to go.
Legs feels strange too, heavy and weird.
Slight tingling in left hand. Spiralling into this hole again
I imagine it'll be something fatal within the next 80 years or so.
Also, don't stick needles in yourself, it's stupid.
It doesn't just rain it pours.
Just had a phone call saying my brother has fallen, he's been left with a weak side due to his tumour.
Hea been rushed to hospital by ambulance as they suspect a broken femur. 😪
This morning isn't a good morning.
Keep on repeating that, every morning, (and then follow that with a list of new symptoms) and I'm sure that will help :huh:
Your mind is hyperfocusing on every sensation, or difference in sensation and amplifying it. Another thing anxiety does is put your body into a state of mild shock. Blood rushes to your core, away from extremities, and it can cause tingling, numb feelings and all kinds of weird sensations. Anxiety also messes with the way you breathe and you could be hyperventilating without noticing. Another big culprit for feelings of numbness and tingling.
Tingling in one hand is almost always a pinched nerve in the back, arm or shoulder. So so so common and not dangerous.
The only way you're going to get through this is to address the anxiety.
Thanks worry. I hope so 😢
Sorry this is gross, So I went to the toilet this morning and I had the same feeling, it's almost like I don't have the urge to poo. I was needing the toilet, but I felt pressure and could feel it but not as much as usual?
Is this actually a real issue, I'm so confused right now I really am. I'm scared I have an issue with my spine that's causing my sensation to poo to be less. I have total control of my bowels and no pain, just this 'off feeling' in my bottom like it's numb inside the passage.
I don't want to run to the doctors about it. I was absolutely fine until Sunday when it felt a little weird when I went for a poo, and then I had a huge panic attack, and ever since then I've felt like this. Do you think it's anxiety?
I'm worried
Is this actually a real issue
No.
Do you think it's anxiety?
Yes.
How is your CBT work going and trying to do something about your HA ? (from what you are writing here, I don't see you making any changes)
WorryRaptor
20-01-22, 11:47
I don't want to run to the doctors about it. I was absolutely fine until Sunday when it felt a little weird when I went for a poo, and then I had a huge panic attack, and ever since then I've felt like this. Do you think it's anxiety?
I'm worried
Yes
As somebody who has genuine clinical loss of sensation, I can tell you it isn't something you have to self test on or to double check. There's a very distinct pattern that a doctor would recognise, and it comes with all kinds of other issues.
What you're describing sounds very much like anxiety. Your digestive system, muscles and nerves are all feeling the effects of the huge dose of stress hormones going through your body while you worry and panic. This can cause so many strange feelings, especially in err...vulnerable areas! You're spending so much time in mental fight or flight mode, your body doesn't know how to feel. Your system is going to be sending all kinds of panic signals around which will feed into you feeling worse and worse sensations. Remember that the brain is a very powerful thing.
You really need to start addressing the anxiety, as no amount of reassurance here will help you. We are not doctors, and we are not mental health professionals either. For the most part, we are people who have dealt with or are dealing with anxiety in some capacity and can see when it's overwhelming somebody. You CAN get through this though.
Why don't you make yourself a promise? Tell yourself that starting now, you will commit to the CBT, therapy and anything else that you're doing to address the HA. Instead of posting your fears and any new symptoms here, use the thread to post positive updates about your progress instead. Even tiny improvements count, and bad days don't negate those. Make sure you try to keep a record of the good changes. We all want you to succeed, and I believe you can do this. :)
No.
Yes.
How is your CBT work going and trying to do something about your HA ? (from what you are writing here, I don't see you making any changes)
The CBT isn't going well.
I had my video call yesterday, she rushed through everything in the module, didn't even ask me what I had written down in the homework.
The entire 45 mins is her talking and me either agreeing or listening to her read what I can see in front of me.
I didn't even get a chance to tell her about the weekend and the self testing issue.
She's asked me to do a diary of distraction, write down the activity even something like 'cleaning the bathroom' and while I'm doing it I have to think About my surroundings and the feeling of the sponge in my hand, what I can smell etc. And whenever a horrible thought about illness comes into my head I have to revert back to concentrating on the things I can see and smell. Then make a note of how it's gone in the book and how many thoughts popped into my head.
Also I have to set a 'worry period' maybe 15 mins of
My time each day and mull over my worries, but any other time I need to say 'nope I'm not going to give this the time right now, I'll listen to this thought later in my time'
Yes
As somebody who has genuine clinical loss of sensation, I can tell you it isn't something you have to self test on or to double check. There's a very distinct pattern that a doctor would recognise, and it comes with all kinds of other issues.
What you're describing sounds very much like anxiety. Your digestive system, muscles and nerves are all feeling the effects of the huge dose of stress hormones going through your body while you worry and panic. This can cause so many strange feelings, especially in err...vulnerable areas! You're spending so much time in mental fight or flight mode, your body doesn't know how to feel. Your system is going to be sending all kinds of panic signals around which will feed into you feeling worse and worse sensations. Remember that the brain is a very powerful thing.
You really need to start addressing the anxiety, as no amount of reassurance here will help you. We are not doctors, and we are not mental health professionals either. For the most part, we are people who have dealt with or are dealing with anxiety in some capacity and can see when it's overwhelming somebody. You CAN get through this though.
Why don't you make yourself a promise? Tell yourself that starting now, you will commit to the CBT, therapy and anything else that you're doing to address the HA. Instead of posting your fears and any new symptoms here, use the thread to post positive updates about your progress instead. Even tiny improvements count, and bad days don't negate those. Make sure you try to keep a record of the good changes. We all want you to succeed, and I believe you can do this. :)
Thank you worry, you do explain things well. Fingers crossed it's that and I'm not dying.
Have you received any news from your MRI yet?
My friend has had one recently and it's almost been two weeks and she's heard nothing yet.
I try to make promises to myself but then I panic and I end up coming on here to try and release some of that horrible feeling.
Like this morning I usually poop in the a.m, well this morning I had the slightest urge so I left it, now it's totally gone and it's midday nearly and nothing?? This makes me panic, and. I'm not always very good at letting my emotions not overcome me
She's asked me to do a diary of distraction, write down the activity even something like 'cleaning the bathroom' and while I'm doing it I have to think About my surroundings and the feeling of the sponge in my hand, what I can smell etc. And whenever a horrible thought about illness comes into my head I have to revert back to concentrating on the things I can see and smell. Then make a note of how it's gone in the book and how many thoughts popped into my head.
Also I have to set a 'worry period' maybe 15 mins of
My time each day and mull over my worries, but any other time I need to say 'nope I'm not going to give this the time right now, I'll listen to this thought later in my time'
Thats all good advice actually, and you should follow it.
Agreed, this is stuff that really helped me back in the day.
Fingers crossed it's that and I'm not dying.
Here is the real root of your problem: You think you need "fingers crossed" because something MUST be actively killing you right this very moment...
If it's not brain cancer then it's breast cancer
If it's not breast cancer then it's brain cancer again
If it's not brain cancer then it's a numb butt
If it's not a numb butt then it's...
See the pattern? The problem here is your fundamental addiction to the belief that you simply MUST be fatally ill at the moment.
The issue is, your belief doesn't have ANY rational basis. It's equivalent to standing in your living room on an average weather day and saying "a cyclone is coming to destroy my house at any moment, I just KNOW it!"
Please tell your MH person you feel this way! Open the phone call with the words "I am convinced I am dying of something" if she won't let you get a word in edgewise any time else. Make her hear you. You owe it to yourself!
The CBT isn't going well.
I had my video call yesterday, she rushed through everything in the module, didn't even ask me what I had written down in the homework.
The entire 45 mins is her talking and me either agreeing or listening to her read what I can see in front of me.
I didn't even get a chance to tell her about the weekend and the self testing issue.
She's asked me to do a diary of distraction, write down the activity even something like 'cleaning the bathroom' and while I'm doing it I have to think About my surroundings and the feeling of the sponge in my hand, what I can smell etc. And whenever a horrible thought about illness comes into my head I have to revert back to concentrating on the things I can see and smell. Then make a note of how it's gone in the book and how many thoughts popped into my head.
Also I have to set a 'worry period' maybe 15 mins of
My time each day and mull over my worries, but any other time I need to say 'nope I'm not going to give this the time right now, I'll listen to this thought later in my time'
Do you feel that your CBT didn't go well because you were not encouraged to talk about your symptoms? Do you see why your therapist prevented you from symptom talk and did this annoy you?
Here is the real root of your problem: You think you need "fingers crossed" because something MUST be actively killing you right this very moment...
If it's not brain cancer then it's breast cancer
If it's not breast cancer then it's brain cancer again
If it's not brain cancer then it's a numb butt
If it's not a numb butt then it's...
See the pattern? The problem here is your fundamental addiction to the belief that you simply MUST be fatally ill at the moment.
The issue is, your belief doesn't have ANY rational basis. It's equivalent to standing in your living room on an average weather day and saying "a cyclone is coming to destroy my house at any moment, I just KNOW it!"
Please tell your MH person you feel this way! Open the phone call with the words "I am convinced I am dying of something" if she won't let you get a word in edgewise any time else. Make her hear you. You owe it to yourself!
Yeah I get that, and all of what you're saying. I do jump from one issue to another and then I eventually find one I fixate on.
I just find I experience such weird things.
Like today I've been able to hold my poo all day, until now where I have gone up because I could feel some pressure. I've gone to the toilet and had some slight constipation but it was a large poop. I surely shouldn't of been able to hold that all day without feeling desperate 😖
I'm scared something is damaged in my spine and I've bloody googled it which has now made me worry more as I saw this:
Search Results
Featured snippet from the web
Damaged nerves disrupt your rectum's ability to store and get rid of waste. Because of disrupted signals between the colon and the brain, you may not feel the urge to have a BM. This often causes constipation and BM accidents. Reflex bowel problems may cause a sudden, unplanned BM when the rectum is full.
It's just one scary symptom after another, and this is something I've never experienced before.
I told my mum about it and she said 'oh I wouldn't worry about that' but she fobs everything off as nothing. I'm really struggling. Having awful thoughts of having spinal scans and cancer treatment and being told I'm dying.
It's just one scary symptom after another
These are NOT SYMPTOMS. Neither are they scary. This is you fixating and imagining.
Search Results
Featured snippet from the web
Damaged nerves disrupt your rectum's ability to store and get rid of waste. Because of disrupted signals between the colon and the brain, you may not feel the urge to have a BM. This often causes constipation and BM accidents. Reflex bowel problems may cause a sudden, unplanned BM when the rectum is full.
If only you spent as much time on the CBT as carrying on reenforcing your HA. You still show no sign of being committed to being well.
'oh I wouldn't worry about that' but she fobs everything off as nothing.
Sounds like she has a totally healthy approach.
Having awful thoughts of having spinal scans and cancer treatment and being told I'm dying.
I've lost track now of the terminal illnesses in the last 4 weeks - so its definitely spinal cancer now ?
These are NOT SYMPTOMS. Neither are they scary. This is you fixating and imagining.
If only you spent as much time on the CBT as carrying on reenforcing your HA. You still show no sign of being committed to being well.
Sounds like she has a totally healthy approach.
I've lost track now of the terminal illnesses in the last 4 weeks - so its definitely spinal cancer now ?
Would I know for sure if I had a spinal tumour?
Would it mean I'd get this feeling?
I know I'm asking for reassurance I'm just panicking.
Do you think what I've just said in my above post is okay?
I know I'm annoying and you all roll
Your eyes at me but this is beating me right now and I'm scared.
Would I know for sure if I had a spinal tumour?
Would it mean I'd get this feeling?
I know I'm asking for reassurance I'm just panicking.
Do you think what I've just said in my above post is okay?
I know I'm annoying and you all roll
Your eyes at me but this is beating me right now and I'm scared.
Thanks for replying so fast carys
Its beating you because you aren't doing anything you are advised to do yet Chlobo. By the way 'IT' is the way you have trained your brain to respond, YOU can sort this out but only by working hard.
I'm not reassuring you about the Spinal Cancer (and sincerely hope nobody else does either), I did that all through Breast Cancer before Xmas and still you moved straight on through various illnesses since then. People reassuring you DOES NOT WORK. You need to work this one out for yourself, using any skills you might have gleaned from the 8 years of advice here and the courses of CBT you have attended - most importantly the one you are doing now. You are literally spending your time doing exactly the opposite, in all respects, of what you should be doing.
Its beating you because you aren't doing anything you are advised to do yet Chlobo. By the way 'IT' is the way you have trained your brain to respond, YOU can sort this out but only by working hard.
I'm not reassuring you about the Spinal Cancer (and sincerely hope nobody else does either), I did that all through Breast Cancer before Xmas and still you moved straight on through various illnesses since then. People reassuring you DOES NOT WORK. You need to work this one out for yourself, using any skills you might have gleaned from the 8 years of advice here and the courses of CBT you have attended - most importantly the one you are doing now. You are literally spending your time doing exactly the opposite, in all respects, of what you should be doing.
I understand what you're saying, the panic just takes over and I feel so unsafe.
Reassurance is all I know, I feel so scared of this symptom I can't focus on the home work she's asked me to even do.
All I can think about is going to the doctor and telling him that I can't feel like I need to poop like before. I have always had a feeling inside me that I will die young, always. I cannot see myself as an old woman, I think it's a prediction that I've always thought I've been right about.
I just want the facts of a real issue so I can possibly stop focusing on this
These are NOT SYMPTOMS. Neither are they scary. This is you fixating and imagining.
If only you spent as much time on the CBT as carrying on reenforcing your HA. You still show no sign of being committed to being well.
Sounds like she has a totally healthy approach.
I've lost track now of the terminal illnesses in the last 4 weeks - so its definitely spinal cancer now ?
What isn't a symptom?
The things you are describing , you called them 'symptoms' they are not symptoms. Symptoms are things you get from true organic illness. Even by calling them 'symptoms' you are giving the sensations and feelings a validity they don't merit.
Right. They're sensations, that's all.
Right. They're sensations, that's all.
But feeling like you don't need to poop
Is surely a symptom? Loss of nerve function?
My friend said if I have an issue like that I'd have severe symptoms like I'd be losing control of my bowels etc.
Not discussing this. It's gross, and honestly, offering reassurance is clearly counterproductive.
Lets discuss your 'breast cancer' and what you could learn from it (but it could equally apply to anything from the last 8 years). You had what you referred to as 'many symptoms', you were adamant that they were there, convinced for weeks despite everyone saying there was nothing wrong. Doctors, friends, family, people on here all told you that you were feeling 'sensations which you were hyperfixating on', often sensations that an over active mind can create. What happened ? You didn't have BC, after spending weeks convinced you did as you were telling yourself you had SYMPTOMS. Then magically once you saw the consultant the BC disappeared, we know it has as you have moved onto new illnesses that you believe you have.
So, what did you actually have - symptoms of Breast Cancer or physical feelings and perceived sensations from HA ??? ANswer this please.....
Lets discuss your 'breast cancer' and what you could learn from it (but it could equally apply to anything from the last 8 years). You had what you referred to as 'many symptoms', you were adamant that they were there, convinced for weeks despite everyone saying there was nothing wrong. Doctors, friends, family, people on here all told you that you were feeling 'sensations which you were hyperfixating on', often sensations that an over active mind can create. What happened ? You didn't have BC, after spending weeks convinced you did as you were telling yourself you had SYMPTOMS. Then magically once you saw the consultant the BC disappeared, we know it has as you have moved onto new illnesses that you believe you have.
So, what did you actually have - symptoms of Breast Cancer or physical feelings and perceived sensations from HA ??? ANswer this please.....
It was sensations from HA.
I just stuck a needle into a certain area on my back and it pierced my skin and there was NO pain. None, I felt the pressure a bit of the needle but no pain! That must mean numbness
What would you do if you found your children doing what you are doing now, sticking pins in their body ?
You've admitted sensations from HA are the problem for 8 long years, yet have carried on anyway sticking a pin into your back........... You need to talk with your doctor (and NOT about an imaginary set of sensations or perceptions of a spinal tumour that has appeared overnight.) For some reason you want to continue down this route and I can't honestly work out why.
What would you do if you found your children doing what you are doing now, sticking pins in their body ?
You've admitted sensations from HA are the problem for 8 long years, yet have carried on anyway sticking a pin into your back........... You need to talk with your doctor (and NOT about an imaginary set of sensations or perceptions of a spinal tumour that has appeared overnight.) For some reason you want to continue down this route and I can't honestly work out why.
I don't want too carry on down this route. I promised myself after the breast stuff it would stop.
But again it's the 'what if this time it's real'
Do you think it's okay it didn't hurt when the needle went in? I mean I've never stuck a needle in my back area before but there was one bit which just didn't hurt, it broke the skin too. My mum actually came round as I rang her in a panic. She's made me Chuck the needles into the bin which I have done. She also brushed her fingers over my lower back, asked if I could feel it which I could. And she said well it's fine then.
She said that sticking a needle in doesn't make sense, she said that when you get needles in your back for acupuncture it doesn't hurt. It doesn't matter if some areas don't have as many nerves as the other part.
She also said regarding my poo that she wouldn't worry about, she didn't say what she thought it was but said to try and forgot it
I don't want too carry on down this route.
....and yet, you still make the choice to carry on doing all the same things you've always done, throwing every ounce of energy into re enforcing the HA habits and not your CBT exercises. Its not magic that makes this go its EFFORT. I'm outta this for the time being.
WorryRaptor
21-01-22, 22:25
Chlobo, you really need to stop self testing. You could actually do harm and cause an infection.
But again it's the 'what if this time it's real'
That's anxiety talking. The world is full of what ifs, and dwelling on them doesn't make them any more real.
I know that right now it feels impossible to take your focus off what you're feeling and what you think it could be, but you really need to try. Us reassuring you about perceived sensations isn't going to help, and you're only feeding the anxiety by asking for it again and again.
Chlobo, you really need to stop self testing. You could actually do harm and cause an infection.
That's anxiety talking. The world is full of what ifs, and dwelling on them doesn't make them any more real.
I know that right now it feels impossible to take your focus off what you're feeling and what you think it could be, but you really need to try. Us reassuring you about perceived sensations isn't going to help, and you're only feeding the anxiety by asking for it again and again.
Problem is I'm thinking about it constantly, whatever I'm doing it's there in the back of my mind. And the thoughts are constant and they come into my head and upset me before I can push them away, and that's if I can push them away.
As soon as I open my eyes I'm evaluating how I feel, how my bowels feel, how my lower back feels.
I've had 2 injections into my spine, one got a c section 4 years ago, and one for my first born where I had an epidural. Im not sure if i was pushing the needle into that area. I know when people do acupuncture it isn't meant to hurt and that's needles, so maybe it was just an off patch of skin that didn't have as many pain senses.
My friend said if I had a numbness issue and lack of feeling in my bowel I would just be losing control of it and it would just come out, along with other issues.
I'm just sick of these sensations cropping up and sending me into a spiral of panic. It's just the constant thought of 'this is it' this is what's going to kill me off and I just can't cope with it
Pamplemousse
22-01-22, 13:33
She said that sticking a needle in doesn't make sense, she said that when you get needles in your back for acupuncture it doesn't hurt. It doesn't matter if some areas don't have as many nerves as the other part.
True story: I used to have acupuncture for back pain and yes, I never felt the needles go in.
However, one day I went for my usual session and drove back to my mum's for lunch (so this is over thirteen years ago). Whilst I was there, I became aware of an unpleasant sensation in my back - a nasty, stinging sensation. I asked Mum to have a look at my back, so lifted my t-shirt up... and she spotted that there was still a needle in my back. After removing it I drove back to the acupuncturist and made my feelings known...
Pamplemousse
22-01-22, 13:37
My friend said if I had a numbness issue and lack of feeling in my bowel I would just be losing control of it and it would just come out, along with other issues.
I have occasional loss of bowel control, which is unpleasant and messy: but it is not as unpleasant as a blockage, which is an emergency situation. Believe me, you would not be on here posting about it if that was the case as you would be severely ill.
Anytime I've logged onto the site over the last several weeks, you're logged on and waiting for reassurance :( You have 4 young children. How can you care for them and be here waiting for replies? Is there any way you can make sure their cared for and seek help? You're self testing/self harming and that is risking the safety of your children! I'm seriously concerned for your safety and the safety of your children!
FMP
Anytime I've logged onto the site over the last several weeks, you're logged on and waiting for reassurance :( You have 4 young children. How can you care for them and be here waiting for replies? Is there any way you can make sure their cared for and seek help? You're self testing/self harming and that is risking the safety of your children! I'm seriously concerned for your safety and the safety of your children!
FMP
Yeah I'm always floating around here at the moment, it's better than googling I think.
The kids are all okay, I don't think they have picked up on anything.
I got up today, I forced myself to put some make up on and do my hair, then we went out to the shops and had some lunch, my son picked a birthday gift for his friend. So to me that was something good I did today.
I have thrown away the needles now
I have occasional loss of bowel control, which is unpleasant and messy: but it is not as unpleasant as a blockage, which is an emergency situation. Believe me, you would not be on here posting about it if that was the case as you would be severely ill.
Thanks pample. It's more nerve damage related to tumours etc. But I won't go off on a tangent about it.
But yes that's what I'm trying to tell myself, that acupuncture doesn't always hurt.
I'm struggling tonight with my thoughts.
I almost feel numb everywhere,'it's bizzare.
I read something on the NHS where it said if you do not notice you need to poo along with some other symptoms like numbness in the groin go to A&E. now I'm sat here shaking because I'm sure that's what I've had or got. I don't know anymore
I read something on the NHS
What can anyone say or do for you if you continue to hurt yourself? :lac:
FMP
What can anyone say or do for you if you continue to hurt yourself? :lac:
FMP
I just want to know I'm okay fishman I'm too scared to go doctors, I'm too scared to do anything 😢
I just want to know I'm okay
You're not okay, though. Is that not crashingly obvious?
You're not okay, though. Is that not crashingly obvious?
Exactly! The issue isn't physical though! Reading what's happening, especially in light if being the mother of 4 young children is frankly disturbing and terribly sad :weep: As much as I'm truly concerned for your well being, I'm more concerned for your children! Please reach out for real life help!
FMP
nomorepanic
23-01-22, 21:53
GO TO THE DOCTOR AND GET HELP.
We cannot support you on here when you are in crisis which you are
I agree. This is now beyond manageable through a 'chat' on this forum, it is obvious that it has actually made no difference at all. Despite all these years of being told about Googling of symptoms, the most basic of 'no nos', its still taking place.
There is no way these children don't know something isn't right now Chlobo. Go back, with your Mum if necessary or somebody who will 'say it as it is', and tell them everything going on here.
Pamplemousse
23-01-22, 22:43
I just want to know I'm okay fishman I'm too scared to go doctors, I'm too scared to do anything
I just want to know I'm okay
Can I just ask you to get an appointment with your GP, and take your Mum along with you?
I don't want what I am about to write to upset you, but it was a fear of going to the doctor and being told the worst whilst ignoring real symptoms that cost my beloved godmother her life. By the time her husband convinced her to see a doctor it was too late for anything to be done to help her.
Don't go down that path, Chlobo. You really need to get some help, way beyond what a few randoms on the Internet can offer you.
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